Should I stop by child's dad from contact?

[Bubbleslee]

My sons father isn't on the birth certificate (his choice as he didn't want the child to have my last name) and in the past 4 years is so inconsistent, dropping and picking him up when he wants to. When hes mad at me, he will stop contact for months, never wishes him happy birthday. It's a constant battle with him, calls me names and is just vile to me. Ive tried to facilitate contact, having him over to mine where he just tries to "touch" me...it's the worst. He refuses to go through court or other agencies and said if thats the route he will just stop contact all together.

After nearly 8 months hes asked to pick my son up, but it will be the same thing, see him then stop. My son is nearly 4 now and understands. It really hurts him when he drops contact with him.

What do I do for the best? my ex makes me out to be the worst person. I would never stop contact but he needs to go through the correct channels now for contact. Or does that make me the worst mum? I cant do another 4 years of this...its really impacting my mental health, which has let me to develop M.E.

Anyone have any advice, please?

What is your son's view?

He has no parental responsibility so you don't have to allow contact.

When there is contact he shouldn't be coming in to your house at all and certainly not touching you. Do all future handovers on the doorstop if contact does happen.

I would message him back and say "You are inconsistent and this is not in DS best interests. I am happy for you to go through the official channels for regular and consistent contact but until then I will not be agreeing to contact. It needs to be at least one day a fortnight. As it has been 8 months since your last contact you will have to get a space at a contact centre to rebond with DS as it has been so long. Please do not contact me about this again, but go via a solicitor to get the consistent contact in place"

Then block him until you are mentally well enough to deal with the messages. I would change your number so he doesn't use other people's numbers to berate you.

And if he isn't contributing financially ring the CMS this morning and get that set up he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate for that to happen.

My son asks to see him but when I message his dad like hes asking about you, I just get ignored. I don't feel like hes interested but my son is learning that his dad isnt that bothered but can have his other child every weekend and its impacting him massively

Stop messaging him.

Depending on age have a frank discussion with DS, recognize and validate how rubbish it is for him and then fill his life with positive male role models, Scout Leaders, Rugby Coaches, Music instructors etc.