Independent play at 4 years old - how much?

[kersh33]

Hello all! I am a parent to an only child who is now 4. I still feel quite guilty that we never managed to give her a sibling, so her dad and I have always spent a lot of our time, especially at weekends playing with her and doing things with her ( we generally organise ourselves so there is always one parent available to play with her, sit with her etc...).

Now DD is 4 she is much more capable of independent play and will happily sit and play with Lego and Playmobil, draw etc... on her own which is great and is freeing up time for us to do other things like chores etc...

My question is - at that age how much would you expect a child to play on her own versus playing with someone? I want to make sure we get the balance right so that she gets to play with input but also gets to develop independence away from us. She gets plenty of time with us at mealtimes etc... when we all eat together.

TLDR ; I have mum guilt about leaving my only child to play by herself - how much is OK and how much is neglect?

Neglect is not allowing independent play op. Follow her lead if she’s happy let her play. If she asks you, play. Don’t over think it.

I do get the guilt. My rest is 8 years older than their sibling. They played a lot independently. I made sure to have play dates with school friends and if we did soft play we invited another child.

I have a 4 year old too who is an only child.

I agree, as long as they're happy playing, I don't interfere.

I send mine to pre school as well to ensure he gets to socialise with children his own age.

At home, I try to spend time each day which is just for him - this might be reading/playing or taking him somewhere like a playground/park etc. The rest of the time I do my thing and he comes along for the ride! Might be food shopping or washing/cooking etc. I get him involved in helping and he loves it.

His dad absolutely loves playing with him so weekends and holidays are a ball :)

I was aware of not making life all about him as he's an only child. I think we've got a good balance.

I wouldn't say neglect, because I feel that playing with your child too much and not meeting the basic needs of your child are very different.

Take her lead it's very good for her to learn independence. Some of my kids will happily play by themselves and don't want disturbing, however my "best" player (5yo) with the imagination of a fantasy novel writer likes me to be in the same room whilst he plays and then he gives me a small role in his game (normally I'm the bad guy and just put washing away or cook dinner whilst we play).

Kids are all different and change all the time, just go with it you won't break your kid by playing with them too much! And there are lots of ways to develop independence.

My 3 year old plays happily by himself for over an hour or so at a time, sometimes even 2 hours. I put it down to never interrupting him when he is playing by himself, and having a small number of toys. At one point the number of toys crept up too much and just led to toys getting tipped out, and a sudden neediness for me to help him play. So the toys have been thinned right down and the impact on his play is dramatic.