Sorry for the long post…
My lovely boy will be 4 in May. He’s always been full of energy, and not the dream sleeper, but otherwise a pretty “easy” child. Loving, funny, easygoing, no major tantrums, just gets on with things.
Over the last few weeks, his behaviour has suddenly changed. It’s like a switch has been flicked - it’s all very out of character. It’s hard to describe but the main things are probably:
- He seems to be very emotional, with intense physical reactions - lying on floor and screaming - to seemingly small things (eg. not wanting me to pick up a toy car). I know toddlers are said to do this, but it’s very new for him
- He always favours daddy slightly, but he is very much rejecting me currently (“I never want to sit next to you mummy”) - is OK with me if dad not present
- Physically lashing out at us - kicking, hitting, biting - during emotional outbursts. He hasn’t done anything like this for years
- Defiance and pushing boundaries- won’t do anything that is asked of him, such as getting dressed in the morning or getting into bath - no matter how positive we are or how much of a game we make of it, it escalates to crying and screaming, and he cannot be convinced to do what is being asked
- When he has these extreme reactions and meltdowns, it’s almost impossible to reassure him or bring him back to earth and we worry he will hurt somebody
I’m at a loss as to what’s going on, as it’s such an abrupt change. I’m aware that it may be due to the change in routine over Christmas, or just his age, or a phase, but I also don’t want to miss something. It’s almost like he’s been traumatised and is lashing out, but I don’t know why! My mum thinks he needs “a clip round the ear” - but I think he’s trying to tell us something and I’m not sure what. Am I just being a big millennial softie and trying to excuse poor behaviour?
For context:
- He lives with me and my husband (his dad) and 2yo sibling. Is in love with his sibling and there are not/have never been any real jealousy issues. They are largely immune from his current outbursts
- Dad works FT but is very engaged and hands on in mornings, evenings and at weekends. I work 80% though am at home more as able to WFH
- He goes to pre-school from 8 until 4 ish Monday to Friday, started in September having previously been in nursery for 4 days a week. Settled well and seemed to love it. Has had three weeks off over Christmas - this week, has been kept out of activities due to poor behaviour and “not listening”
- I’ve never had any concerns about SEN or developmental issues. He’s met all of his milestones as expected and is usually bright, chatty and curious - like a typical 3yo
- Dad is much more fun and more patient than me, so it makes sense that he’s the preferred patient. He is “softer” than me and has found it harder to reinforce boundaries but we are working really hard to be more “together” on this - with clear boundaries in a positive tone
Where are we going wrong? I’m so worried!