Teenage Step Daughters ...advice please!

[Tigrrr]

So....hello by the way...I have two teenage stepdaughters. 16 and 13
I've had my own children and am now a happy grandma...but I am flummoxed by my step daughters

After their last visit to Dad I had to mention that the youngest daughters bed had been left dirty after she had an accident through the night, with her period.

He is very open and honest with them about periods and talked them all through it before it happened, asks if they need pads ......an amazing dad

I've just been up to ensure bedrooms are ok for tonight/weekend visit

Once again the sheets, protector and ,now the mattress are very soiled on the 13 year olds bed

They also have a bathroom that is theirs and I only go in there to clean.

The sanitary towel bin was so rammed full I had to put my hand in to empty.....there were also sanitary towels on the floor. I'm just grateful they now roll them up ( that took a few chats)

The toilet seat and bowl were very soiled....this was clean before the 16 year old came the other night. She always makes a huge pooey mess but must have her period too.

Besides the loo are wipes, a brush, lemon gel, spray and bleach. It's overkill...I wanted to give them lots of choices

I just don't know what to do. If I discuss with Dad he starts to think I'm coming up against them....but I don't think they will want to talk to me about it

They are very intelligent good kids.

I just don't understand. A small accident can be easily missed, I get that.

I had a moment where I just wanted to pull the duvet back over and leave the bed in the state she had left it ...I dont want to be like that, but I wonder if she would have said anything or just got into bed tonight.

Are there any words of wisdom you may have for me. It makes me sad and mad at the same time

Thanks guys 🙏🏼

you presumably share a home with their father?

when was their last visit?!

I just don't understand. A small accident can be easily missed

i don’t understand how neither you nor your husband has entered their bedrooms or bathroom since they left!

They also have a bathroom that is theirs and I only go in there to clean.

or not

There's something wrong here. I bled heavily as a young girl but even I couldn't fill a bin with used sanitary protection in one night. If the bathroom is cleaned regularly, this shouldn't occur.
The girls can clean the bathroom and bedroom before they leave.
Do they have access to clean sheets, and can they use the washing machine?
What's all this 'family chat'' business about menstruation? I can understand why a dd wouldn't want to broach the subject if it meant dad and his new woman (ie not mum) were going to get involved.

exactly

this family chat appears to be achieving squat all aside from somehow your DH conveying to his daughters that they can be thoughtless and inconsiderate as they hell they like

Yes. We live together and have done for 6 years. The girls are delighted we are getting married

Tell your DH that changing the beds and cleaning the bathroom is his responsibility from now on, and then forget about it.

Get dad to change bedding and bathroom.

I have a SD and SS who are now late teens, and my DP, their dad used to clean up after them. He taught them how to change their bedding, clean their rooms, clean the bathroom as they never did this at their mums. Never asked or expected me to do it

Yeah maybe I'm just being too nice. If my daughter had behaved like that I would have told her.

Perhaps I do need to lay down the law and if they go running back to mum then it's tough. It's unacceptable and I thought I was in the wrong by being upset about it....but they have to learn

Eh dh you need to go sort out your dd's bathroom and bedroom before they get here.. .
End of chat. End of your envolvement..

No you don’t need to lay down the law to the girls, your dh does! Let him sort it out.

Yes everyone lets discuss teen girls' periods!

Fuck off

you appear to be in a relationship with a spineless man who expects you to pick up after his daughters

He is very open and honest with them about periods and talked them all through it before it happened, asks if they need pads ......an amazing dad

and look at the result!

My sd was like this. Poor toilet habits.
I called her up to the bathroom every time and talked her through cleaning it. It did get better (some of it she did on purpose) but before she left on a Sunday I'd check the bathroom and call her to clean it if needed. She was 16 also.

Why are you cleaning up such filth? It's their father's responsibility, he should have raised them to function, but hasn't bothered, so it's on him to clean up biohazards.

Seriously, this must be the 4th or 5th teenage girl period thread I've seen this week.

They should be emptying the bin and keeping the loo pretty clean. Making such a mess of the bedding, it may be she's embarrassed?

Tell your DH that changing the beds and cleaning the bathroom is hisresponsibility from now on, and then forget about it.
Exactly. Why are you doing his DD's cleaning?

Why are you cleaning the bathroom and changing the beds? The girls are old enough to do that themselves, or their dad can do it if he wants them to be pandered to. I don’t understand how this is your problem, it’s not the 1950s!

I found my daughters took some time to find their way with this.
I resorted to making sure I took responsibility for reminding them at the start, but only that.
So every day or two asking breezily, ‘did you empty your garbage yet?’ ’How are your sheets?’ ‘Any underwear you need to be washing’?’ I would help them if they needed assistance with particularly stained underwear etc, but I wouldn’t just do it. They got much better after a while.

I think their dad should just quietly deal with it for them. It's bad enough being a teenager and trying to get to grips with managing heavy periods, without having to deal with all the domestic logistics of it as well.

Your husband has been lucky enough to have had had 50 odd years of not having to deal with any period bullshit of his own- he can do a couple of years of emptying bins and cleaning sheets while his daughters are young (it's not exactly their "fault" they get periods!)

Leave them all to it! You've asked nicely

Hmm, an amazing dad who leaves you to clear up his DD's mess and chastises you when you suggest someone talks to them about it.

I wonder if she was embarrassed about the bedding so just tried to hide it and left rather than deal with it. Do you do all the housework at home? Sometimes it can feel very awkward to go use the washing machine if it feels like one persons domain. Maybe she feels like she'll get in trouble.

I would show her how to use the washing machine, maybe get liquitabs so it's super simple, and make sure she knows you're happy for her to do that.

Maybe even have a system where after every second weekend they stay here, they strip their own beds and make sure they have a second set. I would have their dad involved in this as much as possible.

The bathroom issue is more complicated, I would tackle 1 issue at a time so they don't feel unwelcome.