Failing at weaning

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is 9 months old, we're really struggling with solids and I feel like I'm failing him. He still has up to eight bottles a day, including one at night. I've tried giving solids before his bottle to see if that helps, but he just screams for milk.

The only things he'll eat on a consistent basis are yoghurt mixed with fruit puree and vegetable puffs/melty sticks. He will sometimes eat a bit of toast or a couple of teaspoons of puree/blended food (I've tried various foods, both homemade and pouches) and has no interest in proper foods like pieces of fruit or vegetable, pancakes, porridge or other cereals.

What doesn't help with the feeling of failure is I have a serious fear of choking (have done a pediatric first aid course but it didn't help) so most of the time baby is fed by my partner or my mother to prevent him picking up on my anxiety. I just feel really stuck and sad. Any advice massively appreciated x

Are you having support around your anxiety?
When you day no interest in 'proper foods' what do you mean by this? Have you spoken to your HV for support?

The reccomendation for my anxiety was to take the first aid course, which didn't help. I guess by proper food i just mean anything thats not fruit puree or a veggie crisp snack? Unfortunately I have no faith in my hv at all, she didn't turn up twice and once plotted my baby's weight wrong so I was then accused of over feeding and told to make him wait longer between bottles even if he screamed x

My thought would be treating the underlying anxiety, so psychological support for you. If the fruit puree smooth or lumpy?

Yeah maybe i should look into it. I've only been anxious since having baby but the fear of choking is not new, I've always had it due to a family member who has always coughed, spluttered or gagged on food on a regular basis. The puree is smooth, he only seems to like completely smooth or crunchy foods.

You need to re frame your whole thinking on this.

Neither you or your baby are failing at this. Many many babies don't start eating significant amount of solids til well after 1. What's more, you definitely won't fail at this, there's no 9 year olds still only drinking milk. It will come, that's guaranteed.

Your only job is to encourage healthy habits and discourage unhealthy ones. Your baby will do the rest themselves.

I'd take the pressure completely off you both for a few weeks... just do milk only.

Then, start encouraging baby to eat with you, when you eat. Let baby have a little bit of what you're having if they wish, no worries if they don't. Just sit them in a high chair next to you and put a bit of what you have in front of them, let them decide what to eat, and how much. They can have a dollop of yogurt to smash and lick, steamed veggies, toast, shredded meat, grated cheese, scrambled eggs etc... just no added salt or sugar. Yes your diet too will be a bit blander for a while- but eat the same so baby sees how it's done. Chat about stuff about the day, about the food etc, but no well dones for eating or stress for not eating. If they don't eat no worries, just finish yours, ask if they're done, then take food away.

And repeat for days, weeks or months til they're eating! That's it.

But don't make it an emotional minefield for either of you... food is just fuel, not a battlefield.

I know this won't be easy for you to start with but what are you going to do otherwise? Never eat with your child? Look up videos of babies choking and babies gagging to learn the difference. Stay calm during gagging, baby is learning how to manipulate food within their mouth.

Also, I'd drop the veggies sticks and all nutritionally void stuff until they're well established on healthy normal food. That stuff is basically baby crack. I'd eat veggie straws all day if I could so I imagine same for babies...

Anxiety like this can be a sign of Post-natal illness. If you don't trust your HV is there a GP they you could talk to?

I think that's a good idea if it's getting in the way of weaning your baby.
You can gradually increase the thickness and lumpiness of purees to get your little one used to different textures. Also can you reduce amount of milk before meals, so LO is satiated but not so full they dont want to eat?

One of mine was slow to start on food. We did completely baby-led weaning from six months. She initially held and tried the food but none actually went down but quickly stopped trying to eat it. She still had lots of breastmilk including at night which I wasn't happy about. She suddenly found her hunger for food at 11 months and started eating a lot. Her sister who took to food immediately at six months is an extremely fussy eater now and often refuses an entire meal whilst the one who didn't eat till 11 months will always try the food and eats at every meal.

@dairydebris thank you for the reassurance and you're definitely right about veggie sticks being baby crack! I only started giving him them in the hopes that having something crunchy would encourage him to eat something that wasn't smooth, but obviously it hasn't helped. Logically I do know the difference between gagging and choking, but a soon as gagging starts my brain just goes into panic mode.

@NewmummyJ I have tried giving him half his bottle and then food, but he still has no interest unless its smooth. Anything with any lumps is rejected almost immediately no matter when I try it.

@TinyMouseTheatre There was definitely signs of PPD after baby was born, but they faded and I think it was more a reaction to birth trauma. I've had choking fear as long as I can remember so not sure it's related to post partum, I think it's just flared up now I'm having to teach baby how to eat?

My now 18m old little girl didn't really eat any solids until over a year. It was really stressful as she didn't love milk either. But she was putting on weight be in slowly so my paediatrician reassured me she would eventually eat and take less milk.

Now at 18m I can't fill her. She eats ALL the time. Nursery was a bit of a turning point for her... maybe they were less stressed about it, and also she liked the socialising part of it?

Anyway just wanted to let you know I've been there and it was so stressful. But I now have to have a constant supply of food for her 🤣 x

I agree with PP, I would start again and have baby in the high chair at the table whenever you eat meals and offer what you're having. Leave food on the high chair for DC to try, no fuss if they refuse. Keep going with this, every day, every meal.

It's important for their speech development to eat lumpy, textured food but don't turn it into a battleground.

I think that your fear is affecting the way in which you parent your LO. That's not a criticism but I woukd seek help for it. It doesn't matter how long you've had it or what the cause is, you're suffering right now and you need some support before it starts affecting how your LO behaves around food

Oh and she also hated texture. I just persisted with smoother texture and now she eats everything we eat. She is still a little fussier with texture than my first but she's OK! X

Yes I was going to say the same as this. Whenever you're eating, put him in the highchair and put some on the tray (along with an easily cleaned toy or two if that helps him stay there). Hopefully he'll start to put some in his mouth when the pressure is off.

Everytime one of mine go through fussy phases I have to fight myself not to start offering unhealthy things just to get them to eat, but then I know they'll start only wanting that... strongly believe it's my responsibility to make sure my kids have a good start as far as food is concerned... it's just my job to prepare and provide healthy options then they decide what and how much to eat.

8 bottles a day is crazy! He’s not even going 2 hours during the day. It sounds like you’re just giving him a bottle any time he’s remotely grizzly.
Drop to 6 immediately and aim to reduce to 3/4 during the day very soon after.
There is no way a baby will ever be hungry if they are having a bottle every 1hr40 mins in the day.

The fear of chocking being so extreme that you don’t feed your child solids and only other people can is so extreme. You need to download the solid starts app and learn the age appropriate ways of serving food.

It's really no issue if he is just exploring food at the moment. Give him some food from your plate and let him squish it about, throw it etc. He will have fun feeling broccoli through his fingers or covering his hair in wheetabix. Stop the fruit purees as that is all sweet. Some kids take longer than others to learn navigating the process, just as with sitting or walking.

My daughter was slow to wean. She was 13 months before she ate a meal (my meal!) and was 20 months before we could wean her off formula. She needed formula and food to gain weight and only gained 200g between 7 and 13 months due to her lack of interest in food.

We did better with big food. She once stole a 1/3 of a cucumber from the fridge and spent the day eating it. Wouldn't eat sticks of apple but would eat half an apple. Keep offering food, out high chair switches to table and chairs and she did better with just the chair on the floor, with me sat next to her but at an angle and pretending to watch TV or play on my phone.
Some kids just take time

Some of them do take their good old time. With one of mine it all sort of fell into place about 10 months.

OP honestly chill. He's only 9 months old. Keep offering. Adjust your food which you make for lunch and dinner with less salt and just offer him some on his tray in his high chair. Mash, peas, shredded chicken. Whatever you have is fine for baby. Just adapt it. Cut it up small or squash it.

He will pick at it and maybe try a bit but just getting him used to food play and textures is a huge step. Babies main source of nutrients should be from breast milk or formula at this age until 1 anyway.

But you do need to sort your anxiety out as he will pick up on it. I'd make an appt with the GP and perhaps try medication and therapy.

And I agree, I'd possibly lower the purees. Especially the fruit ones. Full of sugar and it'll spike their blood sugar.

@Completelyjo I said up to 8 bottles, he has 5-8 in 24hrs and can go up to 5hrs in the daytime without a bottle and has one through the night. The 8 bottles is when he's teething particularly badly and can't manage to drink much in one go. He has 4 teeth and has a bad pain day every now and again and I'm not prepared to make him scream from hunger just because he 'shouldn't' eat that often. I do have the solid starts app, food is served in appropriate ways but that doesn't change the fact that he has no interest in it.

Thanks everyone, i appreciate the comments and clearly I do need to speak to someone about my anxiety.

I have a floor chair so I'll try switching to that to change things up and try and let him play with some different things even if he doesn't try them.