50/50 during holidays- who gets to decide?

[cantdecidewhichisworst]

Having a bit of a nightmare with my ex-husband agreeing a timetable for the children over the holidays (mainly Summer and Christmas).

Our situation is more complicated he has main custody of DD for 5 nights and I have main custody of DS for 5 nights in term time (they are both with him Friday night and Saturday day then swap to me on Saturday evening until Monday morning).

I used to do a spreadsheet in December for the following year so we could arrange holidays and childcare. All was fine as he didn't mind and didn't want to do it himself.

He now has a partner who has 2 DC and has started to provide me with HER spreadsheet so it aligns with when her children go to their DF's and they can have "childfree time" as she doesn't work in school holidays.

I've been flexible- I've swapped every week in summer and Easter over to accommodate them. He knows Christmas Eve is a dealbreaker for me as we always do the same thing with family. But he also wants me to have them Boxing Day and over new year so we'd be swapping over 6 times in 2 weeks which seems excessive to me.

But there's some dates I don't want to swap- I've told him no and he's laying it on thick that it's SOOO hard for them to align it all. Yet she hasn't made any adjustments to her schedule and they don't even live together.

What 100% of the holiday time has he dictated and you have accommodated? All summer plus Easter sounds to me like more than 50% of it. How many days are you wanting to stand your ground on?

I'd say it's reasonable you each get half the power to dictate days you can't have/want the kids.

Do you have a court order? Maybe tell him to take you to court if he won't compromise in return. My ex has less contact but our court order is a set pattern, he gets one of the half terms and he chooses the summer holiday time he wants with the kids and must give me I think it's 3 months notice. It's been brilliant as I can just say "we will follow the court order" when he messes things about.

The downside however is you run the risk of him just dropping contact. You have to make kids available but he doesn't have to have them. My ex never takes his holiday contact. Your ex seems to be prioritising himself over his kids so if you are difficult will he just see them less? Will that negatively impact the child? Ultimately you have to do what's best for the child, often while the dad doesn't. It's infuriating