How do you spend your day with 6-9month olds?

[Tinydancer35]

I’m first time mom and I’m just overwhelmed with everything.

Firstly, I feel there is huge pressure and expectation from parents to meet all milestones by certain age. Constant tummy time, reading, singing, playing etc. Frankly speaking I’m sick of it.

When my DC was born I spent all wake windows constantly playing, doing tummy time, reading, playing etc. Every day on repeat!!!Only got things done around the house when DC was napping. In all fairness DC met all milestones earlier than expected. I’m not sure if this is anything to do with my time I invested in DC or it’s just genetics.

Anyways, I’m sick and tired of all this! I might sound like a bad mom but I’m planning on reducing time I’m spending on DC every single day and leave DC to play independently while I get work done around the house.

I personally don’t know any parent in 90s who spent so much time playing with their babies and we turned out to be fine.

Please tell me, am I being unreasonable to reduce time and actually get something done around the house without feeling any guilt?

I did all the house work with baby awake. We went shopping and whatever needed.

I encoraged independently play. It's a great thing.

We did reading, playing, tummy time, walks, music baby classes, swimming (not class), met up with other mothers for a walk/coffeedates/cinema/library.
Baby didn't need a lot of outings but loved music and swimming. The rest was my need to meet other people during my husband's workhours.

Forget about milestone all that crap if you have a healthy child.

Plan your day so it fits you!

Your message made me really sad OP. Spending time with DC isn't purely about meeting milestones it's about so much more. To say you're sick of it and are actively planning to spend less time with your DC when they are less than a year old is incredibly sad 😔

I hope you're ok? I felt the same when my first was a similar age. She got to about 10 months and I just couldn't do it anymore, I had no time to take care of myself or the house and I started to feel really rubbish.

I slowly reduced the time we spent playing, I would take her upstairs and surround her with toys while I done things like sort washing or I'd sit her in her high chair with toys and books while I was doing things in the kitchen. I'd sing to her or do little dances while I was doing things. She had no issues what so ever, she was still happy.

Forget about the milestones. I have a 9 month old and I would always forget tummy time - he would lie on my chest and lift his head up and that was good enough excercise . He reached most of his milestones, but we spent alot of our days doing what I needed to do. Taking lots of walks to get shopping done or meet up with friends. I use a baby carrier and put him on my back to get housework done daily - he loves it. We play whilst I have Netflix on. I would be with baby all morning so it was important for me to find ways to be independent.

I joined a local club. Baby cinema is a nice day out.

Also try and change your outlook on the milestones. See it as play.

I had my first 10 years ago and had PND, so I know these years can be tough. But when I let myself just enjoy the time I spent with my eldest and fitted the baby around what needed to be done (and the blues went down) it felt better x

This! House work can be done with baby!

Thanks for understanding. Mentally I’m not really doing ok, I’m struggling to adjust and I don’t have time to take care of myself at all and house is constantly messy. DC is horrendous sleeper too so there is just not break.

What you have said sounds more healthier, I’ll try doing that.

Don’t get me wrong I love cuddling and playing but everyone has their limits. Would you be happy to give constant attention for 8-9h until your husband comes home?

Think about all the children that aren’t first borns! I probably gave my first more attention but my second just basically came along for the ride. I used to wear him on my back in a sling whilst I’d cook and clean and look after my daughter. Meeting milestones has very little to do with doing hours of tummy time and singing etc! I used to have a little giraffe chair I’d sit my son in on the bathroom floor whilst I showered. IKEA high chairs are good cause you can move them around the house and give them some peas to practice picking up and eating whilst you make yourself some lunch. There’s a lot of pressure on first time mams today, probably from social media etc but it’s so unbelievably unrealistic! It’s always the influencers with one 3 month old baby giving out all the advice too!

My friend has just had her third, we were both laughing about how your first has an amazing nursery with bunting and a special chair, your second gets a cot in the box room and your third basically ends up in a moses basket in the corner 😂.

Yes. And it is a privilege

I had my children in the 90s and spent all day playing with them. I let my housekeeping standards drop quite honestly, when they were small babies.
What did you imagine it would be like with a baby, surely you must have expected to be spending most of the day doing the things you've described?
It seems sad that you're deliberately planning to spend less time paying attention to your child. Anyway soon they'll be crawling and getting into everything, so you'll need to have eyes in the back of your head, you won't be able to leave them playing by themselves.

My daughter is 7months and we don’t play all day. Sometimes she goes in her walker while I get stuff done and sometimes we sit together and watch TV. I do play games and read books but not all day long. She plays well on her own too so I set her up with cushions and toys and I have a little break and read a book next to her. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Just do your best and take what people say you should be doing with a pinch of salt.

I used to do housework or whatever in different rooms and put my baby on a play mat or in a little chair so the could watch me hoovering etc. I enjoyed nap time (one long one and one cat nap at that age). I used to crèche at a gym and found a different toddler type group to go to each day. I can’t remember particularly playing at the age. We went out quite a bit.

Yes encourage independent play, it's really important for both kids and parents. I did what you're doing and yes milestones all met etc etc but she didn't stop even following me to the toilet until she was 5 and still expects me to play with her all the time, hardly ever plays by herself.

Oh piss off. Babies are lovely but entertaining one 24/7 is dull. Its also important they can entertain themselves for short periods of time because adults do actually have stuff to do sometimes

babies this young just like being with you!! I sit with my 7 month old on the floor and fold laundry and he joins in taking things out of the basket

i sit him beside the washing machine while i load / unload and hang things

he sits in his sisters bedroom floor while I tidy it and again finds things to play with in there

etc etc

that’s how I get things done

we go out to the shops and if she sleeps I listen to a podcast walking round the park

he won’t nap anywhere but on me- when he does I watch tv

i have zero guilt having a bit of background tv on either

sorry you’re feeling this way op!!

They love watching you wash up and do laundry

I think you are overthinking things. I don't recognise this race to reach milestones. Unless you literally neglect your child, they will reach various milestones in their own time.

The most important things you can do is chat away to them and read to them. You should be enjoying your mat leave. Put baby down on play mat or bouncer and get housework done. If they're clingy do it with a sling. Get out to bookbug type things and meet other mums. Let baby gurgle away to other babies. Go to cafes. Get sleep wherever you can. Enjoy your baby.

Don't overthink it.

I also didn’t feel this pressure luckily. I did/do housework whilst my baby and toddler was awake. (Also as my baby only slept on me up until about 9 months so we did a lot of contact naps!). Just let them have a kick around on the playmat whilst you do housework around them. Or put them in the sling and clean with them in you (you can talk them through everything you’re doing!)