Am I really the problem? I feel so lost.

[NoisyRoseHelper]

I need some outside perspective because I'm starting to feel like l'm the problem, but deep down, I don't think that's entirely fair.
My mother-in-law never wants my help with anything around the house-she seems obsessed with having control over things like cleaning and tidying. I've tried offering, and whenever I've apologized for leaving a mess, she used to say, "Oh no, I understand-you have to watch the baby." Now, six months postpartum, she's suddenly complaining that I don't do anything around the house.
For context: I gave birth six months ago, and I am not getting any help with my baby. Not one night or day. I'm utterly exhausted, and I feel like I might have postpartum depression. On top of that, I hate my body and the way I look right now-it's like I don't even recognize myself.
There are also strict cooking rules in the house. They mostly eat takeaways or air-fried food, and I can't even make dishes from my own culture anymore. Recently, we cooked a steak, and they got mad because it "smelled." Now, I'm not even comfortable cooking that anymore.
Things escalated recently when my mother-in-law raised her voice at my husband, accusing me of "not doing anything," "keeping him away from his family," and "not cleaning the bathroom." For reference, we have our own bathroom and room that I already take care of. She also said my husband fulfills his duties as a husband, but I don t as a wife.

Here's the part that stings the most: Before my pregnancy, I was the only one working to support me and my husband. Now, l'm home with a baby full-time, trying to navigate this new life, and it feels like all my efforts are being dismissed.
I've decided to go home to my parents with my baby for two months. I thought this would give my in-laws some space and give me time to recharge and get into a routine with my daughter. But now she's mad about that, too, saying she doesn't understand why I'd leave for so long.
I feel like I can't win. Am I really ungrateful or a bad wife? Am I wrong for wanting to leave for a whil just feel so defeated.

You live with this woman?

I think you need a one way ticket home. If your dh isn't supporting you there is no need to stay.

No you are not a bad wife.or woman or mother.

Do you and dh have any plans to move away from your inlaws? I suspect some space would help with your depressive moods. You sound like you are walking on eggshells.

Don't worry about mils view on you going to your mother. Go and get some time to breathe. It's not about what mil wants its about what you and your husband want for you as a family.

Why do you live with them and how long will that be for? I am guessing you are from a culture where this is more normal? She sounds utterly vile.

Unfortunately. We’re not in a position to buy a house right now, as we had to pay £8,000 for two UK visa applications since I’m Swiss and post-Brexit regulations apply.

Your husband needs to grow a pair, help with the baby and tell his mother where the boundaries are! You need to define your new family with him.

We’re currently living with my in-laws because I was the one providing for us back in Switzerland. My husband had cancer, and since Brexit, he didn’t have a work permit, so we wanted to stay together. When I got pregnant, my family was very disappointed, and that’s when my mother-in-law offered for us to move in after our daughter was born. She’s English, and we’re living in Scotland. Since Brexit, Swiss citizens like myself have a very tough time moving to the UK, even with a British spouse and child. We had to apply twice and pay £8,000 each time for the visas. They told us we could stay as long as we needed, but right now, we don’t have a deposit for a house since it all went to the government for the visa fees. I was only approved in December, and now my mother-in-law is expecting me to work and also care for the baby.

Go and stay with your family for a while Will.they be supportive? Let you rest (sleep deprivation is so debilitating).

If you have to stay where you are, speak to your husband. List the issues and work on how to sort these issues e.g. helping round the house - all agree with the MIL what tasks are yours. Sounds like whatever you your MIL finds fault- your DH needs to get that stopped.

Or move out - rent somewhere with your husband.

I’m planning to go back tomorrow. My mum and grandpa suggested I stay with them, so it would give her time to reevaluate things. But honestly, I feel like she just dislikes me deeply. I don’t think she has any empathy and seems to be comparing her housework with mine, without considering that I’m post-partum. I’ve booked a one-way flight and planned to stay for about two months, but when she heard that, she told my husband she didn’t understand why I needed to stay so long. He replied that maybe it’s because I don’t feel welcome, but she dismissed it and quickly moved on to another accusation. Then she started shouting at him and almost raised her hand at him.

She also said my husband fulfills his duties as a husband

What duties does he have?

being the one earning money and being there for our daughter. as if i wasn‘t the one working for the both us when he was recovering from cancer.

Leave. Take your baby and go home to your mum. Your mother in law sounds horrible and she obviously resents you being there. You have enough on your plate as it is, without this toxicity in your life. Tell your husband why you’re going. Look after yourself 💐

i want to leave and she senses that, that’s why she calls me ungrateful because my husband had to pay a lot for my spouse visa. she claims that i hate it in scotland but i hate it with her and not scotland

Maybe you your husband and your daughter need to move out.