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Original poster

Lone parenting whilst in a relationship

10 replies

Beaufilgirl · 08/01/2025 20:30

The four months since giving birth to my son have been both the happiest and toughest of my life. I am so happy to have had a baby and love him more than life. A lot of the time, however, this is overshadowed by the resentment I feel towards my partner, who's life seems completely unaffected by the fact that we now have a baby together.
I always thought that when we had a child, the parenting responsibilities would be shared 50/50 between us, however I would say that I'm currently doing 95% and he barely contributes to taking care of our son. This, for obvious reasons, has left me feeling angry and if I'm honest lonely a lot of the time.
I have tried on several occasions to explain to my partner how I feel and that I would appreciate it if he did more to help out, but it doesn't make any difference. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mum and that comes with it, I just wish I was more supported. I just feel like I am like I'm doing it all on my own at lot of the time and wonder if I would be better off being a single mum. Have any other mums been in this position, and what did you do? Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
LadyChilli · 08/01/2025 20:34

Yes and I left. If you can prevent it getting to that point it would be better obviously. Is there any way you can wangle some weekends away so he sees what line parenting looks like? Or even having to pop out for a few hours and don't help to prep.

UpMyself · 08/01/2025 20:35

if he did more to help out - this is the issue.
You carried the baby, you gave birth to the baby, and you cared for the baby.
The father donated some sperm.
You are now Mum with an adult 'child' and a baby.

What does he do?
What would you like him to do?
Do you delegate tasks to him?

UpMyself · 08/01/2025 20:55

if he did more to help out - this is the issue.
By this, I meant that you are talking about his partaking in the care of your child as help. It's not help you need but support and for Dad to actively care for your child.

I always thought that when we had a child, the parenting responsibilities would be shared 50/50 between us
Did you discuss this before you decided to have a baby?
Realistically, a lot of the caring in the first few months is done by the mother. Many men are happy to let the Mum do it all.

I'd be tempted to leave Dad alone with the baby and have some hours away from the situation.

I'm not having a pop at you, and you and him need to share so that you both pull your weight. In other words, he pulls his weight and doesn't leave it to you.

Speak to him.

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Original poster
Beaufilgirl · 08/01/2025 21:45

LadyChilli · 08/01/2025 20:34

Yes and I left. If you can prevent it getting to that point it would be better obviously. Is there any way you can wangle some weekends away so he sees what line parenting looks like? Or even having to pop out for a few hours and don't help to prep.

I don't think a weekend away would ever be on the cards. His reply would probably be the same as I get when I suggest him looking after our son for the night, e.g. he'll struggle to wake up for the night feeds, he won't be able to settle him to sleep and our baby will cry all night as a result. To be honest I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. I think he plays on the fact that he knows I would never leave him with our baby because of those reasons. It's weaponised incompetence at its finest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beaufilgirl · 08/01/2025 22:02

UpMyself · 08/01/2025 20:35

if he did more to help out - this is the issue.
You carried the baby, you gave birth to the baby, and you cared for the baby.
The father donated some sperm.
You are now Mum with an adult 'child' and a baby.

What does he do?
What would you like him to do?
Do you delegate tasks to him?

Edited

Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

He'll feed him if I ask - though he struggles with it a lot of the time - and he'll make the bottles on occasion. He will also keep an eye on him whilst I have a shower or pop to the shops. I comparison, I have done every single night feed since our son was born (bottle not breast), 99% of the nappy changes, all of the bath times, the soothing and rocking to sleep, buy everything he needs, and take him to all his appointments.
It's worth noting that my partner isn't currently working, so he can't use that as an excuse.

OP posts:
UpMyself · 08/01/2025 22:04
Shock No wonder you resent him.
DurinsBane · 08/01/2025 22:09

Beaufilgirl · 08/01/2025 22:02

Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

He'll feed him if I ask - though he struggles with it a lot of the time - and he'll make the bottles on occasion. He will also keep an eye on him whilst I have a shower or pop to the shops. I comparison, I have done every single night feed since our son was born (bottle not breast), 99% of the nappy changes, all of the bath times, the soothing and rocking to sleep, buy everything he needs, and take him to all his appointments.
It's worth noting that my partner isn't currently working, so he can't use that as an excuse.

Show quote history

I thought he was a very lazy parent anyway, now I read that he isn’t even working, I think he is an extremely lazy bum, who is not a good parent.

UpMyself · 08/01/2025 22:12

It sounds like you are a mother living with lazy teenager and a baby. What on earth does he do all day?

Original poster
Beaufilgirl · 09/01/2025 10:14

UpMyself · 08/01/2025 22:12

It sounds like you are a mother living with lazy teenager and a baby. What on earth does he do all day?

Nothing of any importance. The only thing he does do is have his other children at the weekend, who he is great with - I put this down to the fact that they're older and easier to manage. This is the main reason I thought he would be a good parent to our child, because of how he is with his other children. I think his main issue is that he isn't very good with babies. At least there is hope that'll he step up as our boy grows up.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 27/04/2025 08:20

How are you getting on now, @Beaufilgirl ?

has he stopped being a shitty father and selfish partner? Or stopped drinking?

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