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Parenting

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Original poster

if u don't see inl's for 3/4 weeks what are they like with your dc?

44 replies

bigboydiditandranaway · 04/05/2008 04:01

I have always found inl's very intense, they can be overbearing and controlling too. With ds, they want to be the centre of his attention all the time and even if i say anything to ds they have to copy what i'm saying as if to regain his attention.

I try to think well it will be another 3/4 weeks till we see them and when we see them it's for about 3hrs or so, the time will soon pass etc. But they always leave me wound up through their comments or huffs(mil)and i feel jealous i suppose that they have all of ds's attention too. I know that it's valuable to a child to have doting gp's and it is good to have a bit of a break from looking after ds(i'm a sahm) but this feeling doesn't seem to go away.(ds is 2.2)

Does anyone else feel like this at times?

Does anyone else have inl's/parents like this?

OP posts:

nailpolish · 05/05/2008 12:12

and also to add - i wouldnt make a sarky unfunny comment like that to my own mum - its just not funny

sarcasm is for thick people

moondog · 05/05/2008 12:16

Naily, I still snigger at story of your fil whisking your unwell dh away to look after him!
Hilarious!

nailpolish · 05/05/2008 12:18

god yes

i have never forgotten that either!

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moondog · 05/05/2008 12:19

nailpolish · 05/05/2008 12:24

i actually mentiond that recently and he says becuae im a nurse imnot "sympathetic" enough to take care of loved ones

and i am too "objective"

he just needed "soothing"

wtf?!!

moondog · 05/05/2008 12:26

Sick blokes eh?
They need a kick up the arse.

Mine Jew, was flirting consulting with IT bod on phone at work the other day and he said his nurse wife was v. dismissive of his burnt hand

'Stop whingeing, you big sook' and so on.

Pain was unbearable after hours so he went to A&E and was told he had 3rd degree burns and was given morphine.

nailpolish · 05/05/2008 12:31

er yes

i can say ive done that

dh cut his hand moving an old wardrobe

"uch stop moaning its ok" and i put a plaster in it

next dy on the bus it burst open

5 stitches in A&E

maybe FIL is right...

moondog · 05/05/2008 12:32

Ay,maybe they have a point.
All nurses are heartless brutes.

skidoodle · 05/05/2008 12:42

OMG ShowOfHands, your MIL sounds APPALLING.

I'm all for biting your tongue and making a big effort with in laws, but her behaviour goes way, way beyond the acceptable. Really your DH needs to have a word with her about her attempts to undermine you.

If someone spoke to me like that in my house I would not have them back. Even if it was my MIL I would not have her back before DH had had a serious word with her.

For Christ's sake, your DD is not a toy that has to be shared around equally, even though your MIL does seem to behave like a toddler.

AbbeyA · 05/05/2008 13:38

It is no wonder that relationships with ILs are strained if you have to watch your every word unless it is taken the wrong way! It would send me loopy! Life is too short! We will just have to agree to disagree.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 05/05/2008 16:59

If someone said, "You're insignificant," to me or anyone, I'd be pretty offended. It's just plain rude, not funny or jocular.

And it is most certainly not something GPs say to the parents of children. Not GPs with any modicum of intelligence, sensitivity and tact anyway. Eaglebird, you're not being oversensitive. Fancy wanting someone to be polite to you and then being labelled oversensitive!?

And as for FIL telling you they're going to be holding the baby all the time, BigBoyDidIt, it's really not their place to decide who does what with your child. You decide and if you want to hold your child whilst the GPs are visiting, then so be it.

It amazes me the arrogance of some people.

themildmanneredjanitor · 05/05/2008 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbeyA · 05/05/2008 18:44

I am not going to fight the battle of someone I don't know-perhaps she did mean it and it was unkind. All I know is that in my family (and luckily DH's)if it was said it would be with a twinkle in the eye and everyone would know it was jocular. However I don't go with a sense of duty -we actually LIKE each other and don't have any possessiveness on either side.Perhaps all the people who post complaining that grandparents don't want to know could swap with those who have too much interference.(That is a joke, before anyone takes it the wrong way!)

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 05/05/2008 21:11

thanks for all your support, it does help when dh & i start preparing lunch and can have a laugh about inl's

dh is mil's pfb,& ds is pfgc aswell like you showofhands, but surely there are a lot of mil/pil who don't react this badly? i'm sure that when we get to that stage we will not be like that after experiencing it from a dil's perspective?

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 05/05/2008 23:53

There are loads of great GPs and MILs out there, BigBoy. It's just that people don't tend to post the good news so often. And, from what I can gather, MNers don't tend to post problems with MILs etc until it's been going on a while and has escalated into a real issue.

You'll always get posters who simply can't believe there is an issue because it's not in their realm of experience.

Anyway, for an example of a great GP, my mum's great. She's normal. She loves my DCs and me and my DH and she is just relaxed and is just normal with us whenever we see her. DS has always been cool around her. She keeps her mouth shut unless we ask her for advice and she's always on hand if we need her. Couldn't ask for more. She's insistent on her own life and interests too and would never make us feel guilty for being very busy with our own friends and social life.

There you go. There is hope. And you can learn from your PILs how not to be.

And I'm off to bed. I've been skiving from study and MN is just too easy a skive buddy!

cat64 · 06/05/2008 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AbbeyA · 06/05/2008 07:18

Very sensible cat64. People will probably change their minds when they become grandparents and realise that it must be terrifically exciting.If they have to cram everything into a 2 hour visit once a month it is understandable that they go over the top!

MilkMonitor · 06/05/2008 09:37

Yeah but when you're a grandparent it doesn't give you the right to say and do what you want with your GCs. There's a lot of rude and presumptious GPs out there from the sounds of things.

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 06/05/2008 13:19

i agree with you milkmonitor, it's all very well gp's being excited but when they make comments that aren't appropriate or are so possesive with your child then that is wrong. I sometimes dread it when ds will be able to understand more what they are saying, but i suppose they will pick when they say them comments won't they....

It is great i'm sure when you have a good relationship with inl's but for those who don't like myself, well it's very difficult at times and when they have been off with you for a long time, resentment grows, even though you try to remain positive and talk about problems with your partner, family & friends.

Sometimes my inl's get very childish over issues just simply because we are being assertive and doing what is right for our family. the fact that they aren't the centre of attention is generally the reason for a lot of anguish.

OP posts:

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