I am really at the end of my tether and don’t know what to do.
I have 2 DDs aged 8 and 10. In September they started attending the same school (they had previously been separated by age) and it has been a complete nightmare.
At home, they irritate each other sometimes (the usual “she looked at me funny”, “she touched my things” sibling stuff) but most of the time they play together for hours and they’d be lost without each other. They’ve even shared a room over Christmas.
At school, DD2 has had some tricky friendship dynamics of late. The uneven number in her established group of 3 has caused some challenges and she does have a tendency to be very dramatic when feeling left out. The other 2 told her they didn’t want to be friends with her anymore and we encouraged her to give them space and play with her other friends, which she has been doing most of the time. We have also given her calming strategies. I’ve even asked school for support in helping DD2 to manage her friendships but they say it’s just normal for this age.
The real problem is that one of the 3 friends (let’s call him Tom) continuously “reports” DD2 to DD1 for “being mean” (DD1 is a nominated but untrained, unsupported “friendship ambassador”). DD1 cannot actually tell me what any of these supposed infractions have involved, she doesn’t have any detail at all, but she is adamant that Tom is right and DD2 is “horrible”. Tom has also been complaining to DD1 that DD2 is trying to take away other children he was “friends with first”.
This is causing huge arguments at the end of every school day. DD1 starts telling me the minute I pick them up about what DD2 has supposedly done wrong that day. DD2 goes and hides somewhere and I have to coax her out. Alternatively, neither will say anything to me but they will snipe at each other until it all blows up and comes out anyway.
I have repeatedly told DD1 that she must not engage in conversations with Tom about her sister. She must just walk away and tell him he must tell a teacher. DD1 promises she will but doesn’t seem capable of following through. I also don’t want to push her away by telling her I don’t want to hear what she has to say.
How do I resolve this? It’s really wearing me down.