What should I expect from my toddler when her brother is born?

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Just wondering what others have experienced from their 2yo when adding a sibling?

eg. she is already a bit of a daddy's girl, but is she likely to want me more or lean even more that way when I'm not always available? She (at 2y3m) is a good talker and doesn't have many tantrums but did you find tantrums got worse when they weren't centre of attention?

Anything you would recommend to ease the transition? 😬she is a caring and sociable child at the moment and I am just worried that we're going to be hit by a massive change after the baby arrives! Especially as she loves cuddles/bring carried/sitting together, and doesn't tend to play on her own for very long!

Congratulations on pg. Hope you’re well
involve Your toddler in talking about the baby and get her to chose a gift
make sure she get dedicated time with you and with her dad. Explain in advance you need a rest with the baby
tantrums aren’t necessary inevitable
Understandable she’ll feel a rush of emotion inc potentially feeling excluded. It’s a huge change in dynamics
Maybe put her in nursery or an activity prior to baby arrival to get used to nursery and have an activity, meet little pals

When DS arrived at the hospital with DP to collect me and DD, he told us to "put her back"

They're 7 and 4 now. He did adjust very well and very quickly. It was the height of Covid and I'd taken him out of nursery. He was 3. He actually seemed to do a lot better during that year at home together - reading and maths way ahead by the time he started school. Language had been an issue but he came on in leaps and bounds. Now, they're very close, and I think that's a plus of a short age gap. They do play together - argue sometimes - but it seems to be getting less. We go out and I listen to them chatting in the back of the car about what they're going to play tougher when they get home. It's really lovely actually (most of the time).

You simply have to remember that some jealousy is natural behaviour. Being told this absolutely saved my life! Also, it is healthy for the toddler to exhibit their feelings. If a child feels it is necessary to suppress their jealousy it will warp their personality. Imagine how you would feel if your DH came home with another woman and said you were all going to live together. Finally, it will pass and if, they are like my two, they will grow up to be incredibly close and supportive of each other.

My DD was just under 2 when the baby was born. I tried not to make it too much of a big deal, I think sometimes we can add pressure by doing too much talking and prep. These are some of the things I did:

• We read a few books beforehand about new babies and being a big sister.

• When she was introduced to baby I made sure he was in his Moses basket and not being held by me so I could give her a cuddle first.

• I tried not to say I couldn't do things with / for her "because the baby needs me" etc so she didn't feel like his needs came first. Sometimes if he was grizzling but not in need of immediate attention and she also wanted me, I would say things out loud like "sorry DS, DD needs me now. I'll help you afterwards." And vice versa of course. Just to give her the idea that they both had to wait sometimes.

• I tried to involve her a bit with looking after the baby but she wasn't massively interested, so I didn't push it. I didn't want her to feel more resentful by creating conflict or pressure around it. She liked washing him gently in the bath with a flannel in the early days but other than that pretty much wanted to ignore him!

One thing I'd be aware of is your own feelings. I wasn't prepared for the feelings of guilt and sadness I had around my relationship with her in the hormonal weeks after DS's birth. I'd had such a close and intense relationship with my DD for nearly 2 years and I really missed being able to spend time one on one with her. I made sure to carve out time where someone else could take the baby for a bit and I could focus on her.

A bigger age gap for us, 5, but this is what I done.

I made sure I wasn't holding the baby when DS first came in.

I made sure to not ask him if he wanted to hold/see the baby. I let him do this on his own terms. There were days he wanted to and days he didn't batter an eyelid at her.
He's now obsessed with her.

My HV said to me, DS will be feeling how I felt when I had him, the overwhelming wtf feeling with your first.
He did act out for afew weeks but I kept reminding myself it's his feelings and not be naughty.

I totally agree with pp regarding your own feelings.
I didn't expect the level of guilt and sadness I felt for DS. It was a long time just him and I cried a lot. I missed him.
At just 1 week pp I was running, trying, round the soft play with him as I knew we both needed time on our own.

Same age gap here. It was fine really, although we left eldest in nursery.

Remember jealousy is normal, as is sibling rivalry. Four years on I do nothing but referee petty squabbles but that's kind of how it's supposed to be.

Tantrums would also be increasing soon even without a sibling and the new arrival may well exacerbate it, so yes that will get tougher but it was going to anyway.

Your eldest may enjoy helping with the baby - fetching clean nappies, blankets etc. Also make sure to get some one on one time with them.

Congratulations.

Honestly I would prepare for her little world to be turned upside. It took a long time before my first realised that the baby wasn't going away and it was at that point, not the baby's arrival months previously when the normal development leaps of toddlerhood coincided with huge feelings around the baby that we saw more challenge. I personally think it's kinder to avoid using childcare purely because you have another baby as a toddler needs to not be further excluded.

Lots of advice here was useful for me and we didn't see tantrums but lots of attempts to feel greater control. They have a wonderful relationship btw

https://www.mindfullittleminds.com/how-to-help-your-toddler-adjust-to-a-new-baby/

Https://www.mindfullittleminds.com/how-to-help-your-toddler-adjust-to-a-new-baby/

DD1 just ignored DD2 and carried on as if she wasn't there!

Thank you for the tips and thoughts. She goes to nursery three days a week and that will carry on so she will still see her little friends and key worker. My mum usually takes her one day a week and I'm now thinking I might use that day to have some time just with DD while mum has the newborn.

She does really love other kids so I'm hoping once the baby is more interactive she will love it, but in the first few months I can only see negatives for her- so I'm already feeling some of the guilt people have mentioned! She does ask to hold babies and we want to allow her to do that but I don't think she will like any help 😅

It may actually be fine. My eldest was the same sort of age when her sibling arrived. She adored him from the start. I spent most of my time trying to rescue him from her affections and removing the piles of toys she'd bring him. She didn't really understand the "clear crib" guidelines.

Like others I was a wreck though. I sobbed that I'd wrecked her life for the first few days. Hormones are a killer! Also the first time you pick your toddler up be prepared for her to feel twice as heavy and brace yourself!