Social services

[SilverTabbyCats]

Hello, a couple of weeks ago I was getting my children ready for school, my son is a school refuser and has ebsa. School are aware and he has meetings there to help him. Just before Xmas he was refusing school and I had been really unwell so I’m not proud of it but I shouted at him to go to school, he was upstairs shouting back (basically refusing) anyway my neighbours next door heard the shouting and call the police on me. The police attended and due to being unwell I had struggled with the house work so the house was a tip (great lesson to never ever leave the cleaning ever again as I was going to do it after I dropped him to school so the house was messier than usual) anyway the police demanded to come in and look around which I let them. And they went away when I explained what was happening. Anyway I now today have a letter through saying I’ve been referred to social services. So what should I expect here? As explained the house was messy due to being ill I am a lone parent and the cleaning had got on top of me as I have no other adult here to help. Has anyone been through this, I’m embarrassed that they are now going to contact his school should I explain in advance?

Any advice at all please?

So given you have been referred you will likely receive a contact from the MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub) either from a social worker or early help worker who will initially talk through the worries the Police shared with them, seek context from you and talk about the support needs for you and your family and they will seek consent from you to speak with other agencies that work with your children like school. Depending on any history you may with social care, other agencies and what the Police have shared they may ask you to complete a social work or early help assessment. If what you've shared is accurate then they will just be looking at what if any additional support you and your children need. Easy to say but try not to be embarrassed and take any support that makes life easier and better for you and your children.

Unless they believe that the concerns are significant enough to warrant a child protection investigation (and this is unlikely on what you have shared and that Police didn't take any action at the time) they can't share this info with school without your consent. That said, I really would reach out to school, they may well be best placed to support you and your children.

Thank you, I don’t want them involved so will be declining any help unless child protection which I’m aware can’t be decline. However I do not want them involved. I just can’t get over the embarrassment with the school it was literally a one off morning where I wasn’t feeling well has now turned into this. Should I contact the school first and explain?

Did the letter say a social worker would visit or is it just a referral at this stage? I would speak with school and be open with them about needing help. EBSA is very stressful for children and parents. In our area there are courses on EBSA parents can attend to help you manage those trigger points e.g in the morning when they won't go in.

It might be that the social services referral is helpful, even if you are referred on to other sources of support. The family rights group website has information about the different types of social services intervention and advice on how to work with them .

Re cleaning the house, it's hard to know just how bad it was. Social services tend to focus on areas of health and hygiene like the kitchen and bathroom. They also look at hazards and safety so ensure stairs and hallways are clear of clutter and there is no food waste,,human waste or pet litter anywhere. Importantly make sure your child/ren has a clean bed made up to sleep in and the bed is accessible.

Why don't you want them involved? It sounds like homelife is tricky and social services are able to refer you on to all sorts of support you couldn't access without them. You may not need safeguarding support but you may benefit from the disability team instead of EBSA is related to a diagnosis.

Schools and social services get notified any time the police are called or a hospital visit concerning a child so will get dozens over the Christmas break.

Yeah it was pretty messy as I had bought new furniture and had taken everything out the old one but hadn’t put it away 🤦🏻‍♀️ school are already supporting the ebsa but it doesn’t change anything nothing will make him want to go to school.

No they don’t I’ve visited hospital loads with my kids never had a Ss referral, I don’t want them involved as I don’t want the judgement or embarrassment, it’s normal to not want ss involved surely? I also don’t want unannounced visits or people going through my cupboards not because I have anything to hide but because it’s intrusive

You say you don’t want help - why is that? Because of shame? You need help. You have a kid who won’t go to school and is making your life that miserable that you are hollering at him loud enough to be heard through walls and your house is a mess. Accept help. That is what it is for. It’s not your fault but you can’t live like that. Children need to be in school learning.

I should add the letter just said they wanted to speak to me so I don’t know what stage it is at yet hence why asking advice first on what happens I will be calling them after I am back home

I explained why the house was messy I had been sick. I am not putting my kids on a plan under any circumstances.

Persistent school refusing can get a referral too. Take it as he's getting help to get an education.

His attendance isn’t bad it’s his lateness he goes every day. It’s definitely the police that referred.

For reference again my house was a mess because I am a lone parent and I hadn’t been well, everyone says leave the cleaning and just do what you can when you are sick and I was going to sort it after dropping them. Not many people would expect a house search by the police. My house isn’t usually like that it was just before Xmas and I was sorting the house out bought new furniture and built it and emptied the old furniture out but hadn’t put it away so it looked worse than normal but it isn’t usually like that I don’t feel it’s fair to be judged on that.

When did this actually happen because a couple of weeks ago children were off school for Christmas holidays?

How is the house now, because surely if it was just a matter of reorganising furniture it would be sorted by now so you have nothing to worry about by engaging with SS.

It happened on the 20 of December last day of school. Yes house is fine now just want to know if I should be informing the school and explaining what happened. Happy to engage with them just not wanting them to be put on any plans.

You need to cooperate. There's no reason, other than your own embarrassment, not too. You haven't even spoken to anyone yet, but already you're being defensive. No one, the school, police or SS are going to think you're a dreadful parent. Take the help that's offered to you. You've not 'failed', your son because you need a little extra help. Being a lone parent, with a child EBSA is tough.

I never said I wasn’t going to they are welcome to come to my house and speak to me and the kids however I will not be agreeing to any plans. I started this thread to ask if I should inform the school first, I am not refusing them coming.

When my DD was young I had severe depression & struggled to get her to school on time. I was referred to social services by the school & didn't know at the time. I was mortified. It was at the end of term. Summer passed & I improved massively. Within 2 weeks I had the unexpected visit. Of course she was going to school on time now & my house was tidy. No further action required. I wouldn't be concerned about your house if it's not like that all the time

Why won't you agree to any plans?

You don't have to inform the school, SS will if they need to know, but you could let them know if you wanted too.

Did the letter say a social worker would visit or is it just a referral at this stage? I would speak with school and be open with them about needing help. EBSA is very stressful for children and parents. In our area there are courses on EBSA parents can attend to help you manage those trigger points e.g in the morning when they won't go in.

It might be that the social services referral is helpful, even if you are referred on to other sources of support. The family rights group website has information about the different types of social services intervention and advice on how to work with them .

Re cleaning the house, it's hard to know just how bad it was. Social services tend to focus on areas of health and hygiene like the kitchen and bathroom. They also look at hazards and safety so ensure stairs and hallways are clear of clutter and there is no food waste,,human waste or pet litter anywhere. Importantly make sure your child/ren has a clean bed made up to sleep in and the bed is accessible.

It's a referral at this time and due to the length of time since the incident, and fact that your child is already refusing to go to school, I would suspect it will be early help.

It isn't just the "mess" it will be the fact you were shouting loud enough for your neighbour to warrant calling police and what you have told them. If you were overwhelmed and need assistance, early help can support with practical solutions. Potentially parenting courses as PP has mentioned.

This isn't a bad thing, it is focused on supporting you to ensure your child thrives.

However if there are significant concerns and it is deemed a child protection investigation (unlikely at this stage) then your consent would not be required for your child to be on a plan. Hope you can see the difference between the two.

Police and CSC will undoubtably shared information with school already. Where there is a "domestic incident or potential CP matter it is likely they will already have informed school or asked them to share information

It is much more likely to be Early Help and not SS and this will be more to do with the school refusal. The purpose would be to offer help and support, not to criticise you. The Police attended your home so do an automatic referral to MASH. You do not meet the criteria for SS involvement, unless there is something more than what you have said on here. You can agree to or refuse Early Help. My advice would be to agree to it. The case worker (not a SW) is someone you can talk to and will support both you and your child. They can also get referrals for you if needed. They are somebody who will fight your corner and get things moving if you need help with that. However, if you don't feel that you need the support and are doing okay, then just refuse the offer.

(I worked in a school as SENCO and with a safeguarding lead which is how I know about it😁).

They won't have reported you to social services because your house was abit messy.

They reported you because the were called to your house and there was a child there.

That's all, it's normal procedure, and as I said earlier A&E visits concerning a child are also reported as routine but they may not follow it up so you may not be aware. You don't need to tell school, the safeguarding officer will already have been told, again as a routine process. You will be one of many such reports the safeguarding officer gets following Christmas. They may just note it as a notice of concern, decide to follow it up and offer more support (which you should take up), or for those more serious reports escalate to the next level. But if your house was not a H&S risk with hording levels of clutter or animal faeces on the floor then you are far from being escalated and certainly won't be for a couple of days worth of surface mess

Joint up working is a priority following the many horrendous cases of children who fell through the nets.

I’m back home now and managed to call them. False alarm it was to do with my daughter who has a disability and was early help I had said the school could refer for early help. Don’t know why the letter said safeguarding and mash hence my assumption but it’s early help as mentioned and they said no safeguarding concerns, which I’m happy to accept early help.