Drudgery of parenting 20mo & 3yo

[SillyNavySnail]

I have a 20 month and just 3 year old girls.

I work 3 days a week, self employed, own gardening business. I'm with the girls Tuesday, Fridays and the weekends. They're at nursery twice a week, with their dad (my partner) Mondays.

There's no additional space at nursery this year, but i will likely put them in Fridays over the half terms Easter to October, for extra earning over my busier times and nursery quieter times.

Tuesdays term time we do playgroup 9-11. We were doing forest group 1-2.30, but have stopped this because it wasn't working with younger ones nap and older one who stopped napping ages ago, would fall asleep in the car and be extremely grumpy for most the session, ruining it. Without a nap she'd absolutely love it. So sometimes we do park or afternoon stay & play

Fridays, we often have a play date at various softplay or role play or park with a few nursery friends. Occasionally we go out for a day to farm/zoo etc. Would like to go to the leisure pool more, but don't feel capable atm on my own.

I have absolutely lovely moments with them. But my 20mo is extremely clingy (has been from 10 months), older one can be so lovely and play together, but often winds up toddler or randomly pushes her, almost as if she's pushing her just to have the opportunity to say sorry.

A few months ago we hugely reduced screen time. Tv went on as habit from when toddler was a baby. So I try for no tv until after lunch, it goes on when I take toddler up to nap and gets 30-45-min.

I do appreciate being with the girls on my two days a week. But I find a lot of the time extremely boring. I can't even do any scheduling or work admin for 10mins on my laptop even in toddlers nap, as older one comes straight over (even if tv on) to take over, type and play with the mouse! I can do a bit on my phone. Tho typing this has taken half hr... at best I can do wordle and cleaning/laundry, with screams for me if I shut the stairgate and leave them for 5/10 mins

I know it'll get easier when toddler is a year older, as we can do more crafts and jigsaw, snap/pairs etc etc. Whereas toddler currently ruins it for 3yo.

A rant I guess. But omg, any ideas for independent play for more than 3mins (would be 2hr for 3yo at 20months! And 20/30min with 3yo if toddler is not here).

This sounds hard and you are a star.

It's a long time since my children were small but we always had rest time in their rooms for relaxing play, and that's when I'd recharge too because it's relentless. I don't know if that's still a thing though so I hope another younger parent can help

I just have the one during school hours and I wouldn't expect independent play, I never assume I can get any admin done. I just wait until they're in bed for the night (luckily mine sleep through). At 3 I had mine in drop off classes like ballet and football, it gives you a break but they're still socialising and burning off energy.

When I had both I'd put them in the creche in my gym and sit in the sauna or do a yoga class. They loved it there and were together so it wasn't like using childcare.