School refuser - advice (any experienced parents or psychology professionals)

[Alifemoreordinary123]

My DD is a school refuser - I suspect she is ND and is struggling increasingly with how to fit in with confident and extrovert girls. She’s never loved school - finds it loud and overwhelming, the work hard etc (though she’s bright and capable). Before Christmas, she’d started to say she wasn’t going, talked babyish all the way there, created a fuss when it was time to go in etc. We’ve spoken to the school who are supportive and going to observe and assess her, we also have a psychologist in place (there are other issues). However, nothing will have changed for tomorrow morning. I know she’s trying to communicate with me when she refuses to go in, ignores everyone on the way etc, but frankly I have nothing I can do other than soothing and supportive words which are not working. We both work, I have a tough job and we live on the edge as it is. I can’t just keep her home (even though I think that would probably not be a bad thing).

How do I handle the mornings so that she feels understood and I don’t feel utterly drained? Is it possible and does anyone have any tips?

Thanks all - interesting that most of your children have a diagnosis. We’re having psychologist input to help work out whether we need an assessment. Really appreciate all of your experiences.

The simple fact is that school is an artificial social construct and does not suit everyone. Your DD is one for whom school is simply the wrong place to be. You need to start looking at alternatives. Giving her the label of "school refuser" is not the way to go. The problem lies with the school simply being wrong for her.

If they are not able to adapt to her needs in some way - and I have lots of sympathy with the challenges that they face - then she needs to be educated otherwise. At home, a Steiner or Montessori School etc.

I am currently sat outside my daughter’s school waiting for her to finish her one hour !!! I have been signed off sick from work since September as it was the only way to manage her EBSR
she refused the last 7 months of primary school and it’s been a hard struggle to get her to do just one hour
local authority provided a home tutor for two hours at the end of the 7 months absence and she did maths and English and my daughter made progress, but it was only provided short term, and we had to provide an adult to sit in the house while we worked with them which cost us lots
sorry lots of sympathy only advise is to take holistic approach, nutrition ( magnesium etc) sleep , reduced screen time , therapy , diagnosis etc etc
our dd is also likely ASD but no ed psych in the borough so no chance of a diagnosis