I have been having problems with my daughters dad side of the family. My daughters dad confronted his mum about not giving so much sugary foods and drink when she looks after her, they argued as she didn't agree and he said it's better if she doesn't go to her anymore. She lost it and started swearing and name calling us both over text and she doesn't want anything to do with us. I blocked her/some other family members. After a month they tried to contact me asking to see my daughter, within a few hours of no response the daughter threatened us with social services and courts. Our daughters dad said to them they should stop such behaviour and respect our wishes to continue having our daughter in their lives.. we explained this is damaging and confusing for her.. this again made them angry and nothing was fixed, after many attempts over the year it still hasn't been fixed.
I've found information that his mother has been making fake diagnosis for myself and my daughter, they also refer me as whore and shit on sole in their phones.
They feel I removed my daughter out of spite but this isn't true
Over the years she has been very helpful looking after my daughter when I went to work, ill etc but during this time she has done things that have really upset me like changing the clothing I put on my daughter with her own, giving any sugary drinks and food and a lot of it, giving her a mobile at 7 years old, buying a cat for her then forcing it on us, cutting her hair without permission, calling me crazy to my daughter for not putting a vest under her top etc.
She has said she doesn't care what I want and would like to ask my daughter.
She is also accusing us of something called orthorexia with our daughter which she found in Google.
We argued many years ago because we calmly confronted her about giving our daughter cola(coke) when she was 3. She again kicked off.
The issue is now, that I really don't trust that side of the family, they don't see what they're doing is bad (mostly his mother) but her daughter is also contributing to it and sticks with her. Im worried they will cause more harm than good to her. The daughter has a baby and I tried to reach out to her so that our children can meet as my 8 year old was really excited about the new family member. I felt like she was gaslighting me and blaming me, she also said she does not accept supervised visitation with my daughter. She is saying she loves and misses her but will not allow her dad present because she doesn't like how he treated the mum. She said she is welcome to go alone whenever she wants.
I'm not really sure what to do, it's really destroying my mental health and I feel stressed and anxious. I don't know if I'm doing the right or wrong thing?
I don't want to cause any problems for my daughter but I feel either way it will be.