Disaster getting rid of dummy

[redfox14]

DH and I tried to get rid of DD’s dummy yesterday. She is almost 2 and we have been meaning to get rid of it for ages but been set back by poor DD having a series of illnesses last autumn/winter. We had looked into a couple of ways of doing it and decided we would snip the end off so that she wouldn’t want it anymore.

It wasn’t too bad during the daytime, when she had her nap she asked for her dummy and when we gave her it, she seemed to remember that it wasn’t working anymore and chucked it aside and managed to fall asleep without it. It was the same again at bedtime and she went off ok - but she woke in the night crying for her dummy, when I gave her it she went absolutely ballistic, crying and screaming.

I tried cuddling her, reading a story, and offering a drink of milk, but she was thrashing around in hysterics until DH found another dummy at the bottom of her nursery bag and came to the rescue!

I feel like it’s been a bit of a disaster trying to get rid of the dummy and she obviously relies on it a lot more for sleep than we realised. We only give her it for naps/bedtime and quite often when we go in to check on her, it’s fallen out or she’s put it aside, so I thought it would be ok.

Can anyone recommend a better way of getting rid of the dummy? I had considered cold Turkey but after tonight I’m very apprehensive!

You throw them all away and stay strong for a couple of days. Giving her broken ones is only going to upset her and then giving her one after you've cut the others is just confusing for her and you're back to square one.

Following with interest, I had the same response at 13 months trying to remove the dummy. Stay strong isn't useful advice. My child screamed for over an hour at bedtime, she was hysterical until she was given a dummy. There must be a gentler way to do it.

Any particular reason why you’re doing it now? At not quite 2 she’ll have no idea why you’ve taken, or messed with by cutting the tip off, her source of comfort and it’s going to lead to a lot of upset. Ditching the dummy is best done before 6 months when they haven’t developed object permanence yet so they forget about it quickly or at 3 years old when they understand the dummy fairy, dummies are for babies etc. and can be bribed to swap it for a toy. If you are strict about keeping it only for sleep and makes sure it lives in her bed then you won’t have issues with teeth or speech, if that’s what’s prompting taking it away now. Honestly I’d give it back to her and revisit in a year.

We read books on getting rid of the dummy, namely ‘bea gives up her dummy’ which mentions the dummy fairy and then we bit the bullet. She had a bunny comforter which helped a lot, but tbh I think this is one of this situations where it either needs to be there or not

I think that’s a difficult age to try as she won’t fully understand yet. Needs to be much younger or a year or so older. Shipping the tips off isn’t a good way to do it as it’s confusing and would be upsetting thinking she’s getting one but she’s not really as it’s broken and why aren’t you fixing it. I’d either go cold turkey now you’ve started or give them back and do it properly in a years time.

If she’s fine going to sleep without it and during the day keep the dummy away from her then. Allow her to have it if she wakes in the night. That way she won’t be using it much.

I left it until 3, said we was giving it father Xmas in exhange for gifts. At that age there was more understanding and seemed to work. First couple of nights were tough but he soon forgot all about it ! We actually posted the dummy to father Xmas.

I completely agree with this. It's the worst age to do it and since she is only using it to fall asleep and not sucking on it all night and not using it in the daytime then I'd just let her have it until she's old enough to talk about it and do the dummy fairy or whatever.

Perhaps when it drops out at night you can take it and put it to the side if that helps you feel better but if it's only to fall asleep it sounds like it's only being used for a few minutes each day.

It feels so cruel to give them something that comforts them and then just take it away and all because you have decided now is the arbitrary time why you want them to stop using it. No wonder the poor love screamed.

All mine had a dummy. We just ensured it was cot/bed use only and then waited until they were much older and we could talk about trying without it. All got rid of it without any bother about aged 5 or 6. No dental or speech issues. I think the evidence that the dummy causes problems isn’t there- so long as they aren’t walking round all day with it in their mouths.

She's not got it in all day just carry on letting her have it at night for the time being. Why cause all this unnecessary upset right now? In the grand scheme of things what difference will another 6 months make?
Wait until she's old enough to talk about it.
It's cruel to just randomly take it away from her when she's relied on it for so long and she can't understand why.

Wrong time IMO. They either need to go early (months old) or when they are old enough to reason a bit more. Our son had his at bedtime until he was nearly 4, but when we decided to get rid, he pretty much just handed them over.

I agree with pp, wait till she is older.
With my DC, we stopped the dummy when she turned three and she didn't blink.

Actually the evidence is mostly there that use of a dummy , post 3 , can cause (not in all children ) problems in open bite, narrow upper arch , poor oral habits (mouth breathing) , speech problems and stomach , mouth and ear infections . https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5847634/

Certainly all dentists will have seen all of the above in dummy users , which will have resolved if dummy given up be three and preferably before then. https://www.herefordshire.gov.uk/downloads/file/3550/do-dummies-affect-speech-development-#:~:text=The%20increased%20risk%20of%20ear,and%20when%20they%20are%20interacting

Agree with other posters, this is not the right time. You’ve missed the boat on doing it earlier so I’d wait til 3. We did the whole ‘dummy fairy’ thing, she knew she would give up the dummies once she turned 3. It took one night, no bother.

My only regret is doing it on the actual night of her 3rd birthday, as we’d had such a nice day and I felt bad to see her a bit upset at bedtime. Didn’t last long at all though, she fell asleep easily after a few tears. I should have done it the next day in retrospect.

She’s 10 now and has had no speech or dental problems.

My son was obsessed with dummies, insanely so. We waited until 2.5, then collected all his dummies into a gift bag with some shiny bows on and took them to a toy shop. He picked out a new dinosaur and "paid" for it with his dummies (the lady was very good with him!) so it really helped him to understand. We had one bad night with about 90mins of crying around 1am, but kept offering cuddles and reassurances and reminders that we'd spent our dummies at the toy shop.

I'd recommend waiting until they're a little older!

Just get rid. You'll have a few difficult nights then it will be fine.

We did it at 3 using the dummy fairy (and she was extremely attached to her dummy!) It wasn’t easy, the first night I was lying with her she just sobbed and begged for over an hour for her dummy, to the point DH came in and said will I say the dummy fairy has called to say she’ll come another day, it was very tempting but I said no, and eventually she exhausted herself to sleep. She was unsettled for a few days and then has been fine ever since.

Unfortunately now your DD knows you might give in it will probably take longer, so either wait a few months to a year and do cold turkey and stick to it, or throw them all out now and put up with whatever upset there is, she will eventually sleep and adapt.

Your husband was an absolute idiot for finding another one! What a way to undermine the process!

Tell her they have gone to the baby fairies, have them give her a present. And I’m afraid ignore any crying, it won’t last.

You've not meant it this way but giving her a cut dummy when she's looking for comfort at night is cruel. She's sleepy, confused, and just wants comfort. At her age just let her have it at night and address it when she's older and you can do something like dummy fairy. If she's able to do naps without it then carry that success forward and for now just tell her that dummies are only for bedtime.

I would focus first on how and when she's using it, walking around all day with it in her mouth and talking around it then tackle that immediately but if it's just to aid during the night I would allow that for now. Continue to try to get her to sleep without it for naps and even bedtime but during the night I allowed it. I let mine fall asleep with it in then gently removed it so they weren't sucking on it all night

I’m with previous posters, it’s the wrong age. Either do it really early or wait until they’re closer to 3 and can successfully be bribed or do the whole dummy fairy thing.

At that age I would just try and stick to keeping it for naps and bedtime so it’s not impeding her speech

I did it at 2.5 and just over 1 (small age gap) where they all just "broke" overnight, but I imagine it comes down to her understanding. My eldest understood that something broken couldn't be fixed, and my youngest just copies the eldest

It doesn’t need to be difficult, cold turkey, letting them scream the house down, “not giving in”. It really doesn’t.

I let my children keep their dummy until they were older (3+), and then took it away because they didn’t need that comfort anymore. It was absolutely painless. And their teeth aren’t crooked either 🤷‍♀️

I agree with other poster. Why are you taking the dummy away from the child now.? Also cutting it up is dangerous as child could choke on remnants. If the child had dummy in mouth all day it could inhibit their speech development but if it’s only for naps and bedtime why not leave it till they are about three when they can understand more or even leave it out for Santa next Christmas who will leave a special present in exchange

My son threw his dummy behind the tv one day and that was it. He was 3 🤷‍♀️ why force it?