I had a wonderful pregnancy and labour with my first son. He was born in May and for the first seven months of his life my husband and I were deliriously happy. All I remember was the summer and excitement of being new parents. At eight months old he had an accident which left his with a small facial scar and it just made us so sad. Two years have passed and I still feel guilt and sadness that it happened. My second son was born six months ago and he had a really rough start. I was told to prepare for him not making it when I was 33 weeks pregnant and after he was born we spent two months in hospital. He’s doing well now but had to have some major surgery and saw some really harrowing things during our stay in intensive care. I’m delighted with my two boys and feel incredibly lucky to have them. I do however feel that there is this huge sense of grief in me. For example, I’ve been taking my first son’s clothes out the attic and I feel overwhelmed with sadness that I cant return to those first seven months of his life when everything was so wonderful. My stomach literally turns. Everyone tells me these are the happiest years of your life and I wonder if other mums have these feelings of sadness about their children growing up or a longing for those times before things get hard with toddlers and real life problems gradually creeping in. I feel alone and wonder if it’s just because my firstborn had an accident and my second was born under such difficult circumstances or whether this is a more universal feeling I’m experiencing?