Strong parental preference?

[FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay]

Is it normal for a toddler to have a very strong parental preference?

DH was off work with DS until he was 18 months old, so they've always been really close. Other than me breastfeeding, he'd come to either of us for pretty much everything.

Somewhere around 15/16 months, DS started to have a STRONG preference for me. He only wanted me to put him to bed, get him dressed, changed his nappy, etc. DH struggled with the start of toddlerhood, I think, and it stayed like that for a while. It was HARD work trying to fix this...

He's now 3, and I am 29 weeks pregnant, and it seems to be getting back there. He doesn't want Daddy to do ANYTHING. I have to shower with him, brush his teeth, get him dressed, he only wants to play with me, go out with me, sit next to me. I have to do bedtime, he'll only settle for me at night if he wakes... they're fine when I have to go out, but it does make life hard.

Today we're all together. It took 90 minutes for him to come downstairs with Daddy this morning, he'd rather sit and "read" me stories in bed while I tried to sleep... He cried when Daddy got into the shower with him and refused to let him get him dressed. I had to cut up his food at lunch... now I've set up some things for them to play with and he will not play with Daddy.

Daddy is now, in my opinion, being a bit of a prick... he parents like he was parented, and he's probably a fair bit more strict than me, but DS doesn't listen to him and he does to me, if that makes sense? If he throws something and I ask him to pick it up, he will. If DH asks him, he'll ignore him until DH picks him up and makes him pick it up, which usually results in sulking and crying. DH does a lot of the "I want doesn't get" type stuff, which I think is bollocks at 3, to be honest... He doesn't always get what he wants but I'm not fussed about him not saying "I would like..." yet. He does say please and thank you, and he's generally a very good boy.

I'm worried about how to manage this when the second is born. To be honest I'm worried about managing this now, I'm tired and pregnant and getting over a horrific flu, and I could do with not having to be on duty for everything all the time.

Is this normal? We've never had a Daddy phase. He does chatter to both of us endlessly and they read together and spend a day together each week, and he'll run over to give Daddy kisses, but there's no denying that I am his favourite for everything.

It’s normal, but you’re allowing him to behave like this and I don’t know why

You don’t have to do any of those things. Don’t raise a little dictator. You don’t have to cut up his food, you don’t have to be the only one to shower him, dress him, do his bedtime etc.

“It took 90 minutes for him to come downstairs with Daddy this morning, he'd rather sit and "read" me stories in bed while I tried to sleep...”

I mean, this is just ridiculous. You explain what’s happening. If he doesn’t like it, that’s perfectly okay. He doesn’t have to. DH should have just picked him off the bed and taken him downstairs.

Don’t fanny about trying to appease him or cajole him. It’s okay for him to cry because he doesn’t get the parent he wants. You coregulate him through that.

It’s not okay for you to acquiesce to his every demand because you don’t want him to be upset. That isn’t an emotionally healthy way to raise a child.

I think the PP was a bit harsh but I have to agree that it sounds like you are enabling the favouritism. When my DD decided she wanted her daddy and only her daddy overnight, we switched to just me going in each and every time. I'd say 'daddy isnt here, sorry, but mummy is', and with some consistency we got there.