Hi there, just after some advice really.
so my kid’s dad and I separated a while ago now, because he just wasn’t helping me in the house with the kids (this is how it started) , some days he would be out of work and lazing about in the bedroom on his computer. Would happily sit around watching me do everything, hardly ever tidied up, I felt like he took the piss basically, it was like having another child. So we would row , he would say I was nagging he wasn’t doing anything wrong just sitting there minding his own business kinda thing. I started to doubt myself like maybe I’m the controlling one trying to tell him what to do, but it wasn’t like that I just wanted him to help, the basic of things. Anyway it got to the point that I asked him to leave/move out because that atmosphere wasn’t good for the kids or me. He moved out, then I got a bigger place and he expected us to become a family again and him move in, I said no, still do to this day. Anyway, since we are living apart he still doesn’t pull his weight. He rarely comes over to see the kids using having no money as an excuse, he isn’t working at the moment so he can’t give me any maintenance neither. He can’t afford a bus fare he is that skint. Anyway I feel his letting the kids down not seeing them at all. What am I supposed to tell them if they ask? My daughter used to keep asking for him cos he used to be there on Sundays to take her football now he hasn’t been because he can’t afford to get a cab. Anyway he was letting her down. I think she’s sadly gotten used to him not being there now as she doesn’t ask about him now or even want to call him. I just can’t believe how selfish he is. Apparently he says since losing this job he isn’t in a good place. Ok, that’s not the kids fault is it? You can’t just not see them or make excuses to not see them. I even offered to pay for his bus fare so he could come see them or I could drop them to him, I can’t feed them he says I have no money . It’s always down to me to keep his relationship going with his kids like ringing him so he don’t forget them and stuff, when I had a car I was always bringing the kids to him , because I needed a break too. I just feel like I’m making more effort than he is. So this new year I’ve said no more it shouldn’t be up to me to keep making the effort for you to see the kids. Now he’s sold his phone for money which means we won’t hear from him. Unless he rings them through his mums phone and he couldn’t even do that. It’s all on his terms. Just before Christmas I had asked him to come to mine to watch the kids while I did some Christmas food shopping and he kept letting me down saying he hasn’t been paid his last bit of money still and he has to sell his phone , in the end I got my mum to come to watch the kids. Things like this so I got fed up and told him to leave us alone, leave me alone. And I didn’t talk to him for a while, then he turned up Christmas eve I said he could for the sake of the kids seeing him Christmas Day and he barely interacted with them , sitting downstairs on his phone . He doesn’t really show much interest at all. It’s sad. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about all of this. It’s also I feels like if I wasn’t there with him and the kids he prob wouldn’t see them at all. I rarely get the opportunity to leave the kids with him while I do my own thing and it’s not fair.