What is it like when your kids starts secondary school?

[Kokomelonn]

My very shy, sensitive and slightly obsessive ten year old will be starting secondary in September….

I am already stressing about it.

I’m worried about the world of boyfriends, make up, devices, homework, peer pressure and god forbid, bullying

What is it like when they start? Is it a case white knuckling out way through? Will she be okay?

You need to stop stressing, as she will pick up on it, and let her have her own experience. I just made sure my DD had the ‘right’ bag.

She will be fine. Rest assured, most have no problems at all. Make sure that you are in control of devices. Keep communication open, with your daughter and with the school. She will make friends and engage with learning.
As for bullying, it happens everywhere, just be vigilant and keep talking.

In our case, life got a lot easier than primary.

DD was bullied relentlessly at primary, and despite all of the same children going to secondary, the bullying stopped. I think this was because she went from a small primary to a huge (3000 children) secondary.

She really thrived academically, and homework wasn't an issue either.

Don't stress. The move can really benefit some kids and bring them out of their shell.

I won’t lie year 7 and 8 were full of girl dramas for mine as they all settled into their groups. There is still endless drama now mines in year 11 but they all deal with it.

She absolutely loves school though.

It is a big adjustment but also a wonderful opportunity to watch your dc thrive and grow as they start to develop their personality further.

For my dd, it was a great chance to branch out after being in a small school and to make new friendships, develop new interests and passions with the wider range of lessons etc.

That said. Y7 was very difficult. It is a huge adjustment and wasn’t easy. But, after that (she’s y9 now), things have really settled down.

So brace yourself but don’t let your dc see how worried you are.

Your daughter will be fine, it’s 9mths away. She will mature abit in that time, school will prepare her also. Try to stop worrying OP, it’s just not worth it.

The change in them from half way through Y6 to the end of the first term of y7 is immense.
Nearly all of them are ready for the new challanges, and rise to them.

Help her set up systems to let her fly. How do you want to keep track of your books? What needs to go into school each day? When is PE? What week of the 2 week timetable are we on?

I agree with the first poster.
i still remember my first day at secondary where i had white socks and everyone else had black. I tried to make sure I got this right for my eldest but didn’t quite unfortunately (I let her choose the bag but I didn’t do the research). It’s obviously relatively minor but I think it helps if they feel like they fit in. My eldest told us what we needed for the youngest when they started which has worked well. If you know someone with a daughter already at the school can you ask them?
I think each school/area can be different. For my DD it’s a black patent style large handbag as a book back but she found that gave her back ache so just a plain black back pack (Nike if branded). PE kit in a JD carrier bag (you have to buy something they won’t just let you buy a bag normally). No coat or a northface padded black puffer (can get copy versions as they are expensive). But as I say find out what’s right for your school if you can but don’t sweat it if you don’t. My DD wasn’t bullied for having the wrong bag but she feels better for fitting in.
Re other things, year 8 was tricky with friendship groups but be there to listen if you can and hopefully it all sorts itself out. As a PP has said, it gives them an opportunity to make different friends that maybe suit them better as a bigger pool of people than in primary (particularly if a small primary). Both my DC have new friendships.
HW they just get on with & not had boyf issues. Skincare is a big thing for my DD and driven by tik tok trends. I don’t see that as a huge issue except managing expectations re brands.
The main thing is try not to worry as you don’t want you DD to become aware of this. Worrying won’t actually change it & she may thrive.

My DD started a couple of years ago. She seemed to mature dramatically within the first few weeks and very much became a teenager (finding us annoying, shutting herself in her room, interested in boys, make up, false nails, fashion etc). However, I think all this has more to do with hormones than school. She's made lots of new friends and has grown in confidence.
My DS started secondary school in September. I was extremely worried about this as he's a very shy, anxious and sensitive boy. He struggled at his lovely primary school and I had no idea how he'd cope at secondary school. I was particularly worried he'd be a target for bullying. However, so far, so good. I was actually amazed how smoothly the transition went. He's taken it in his stride and is just getting on with it. He's still very young for his age, unlike my daughter, but seems to enjoy school.
I'd say they both find it exhausting. It's a long walk each way. They get a lot of homework. The school routine is tiring but they're both doing really well.

I was a yr6 teacher for years. We used to worry about the less worldly ones each year in July…and in September, 95% of them would take to secondary school like they’d been there forever.

In fact, my own confident, sporty, bright-enough DS had more issues than many of the children I’d stressed about over the years. My experience there tells me that you need to be ready to advocate for them, query things that don’t seem right and listen, listen, listen. Turned out there was a horrible case of bullying by someone who had been a close friend. He lied persistently about DS to the extent that he was in a lot of trouble. The friendship was never resumed.

What's the secondary like?

I actually found it was a world of difference and much better than primary. I would say mine is generally quite confident and outgoing rather than shy, but she went from a small village primary of about 80 to a large state secondary of about 1600.

She actually really stepped into it. It’s improved her confidence and behaviour. She’s found changing classrooms and having more feedback on her behaviour really good (they have an app where they get live feedback pretty much from teachers and points for good/bad behaviour, etc). It’s also been a really good experience in terms of building resilience. Yes, there are some little shits. But she’s learned to stay out of drama.

The really good thing about secondary is there is usually a friend group for every type of child. Artsy and quiet? Loud and into the theatre? Quiet and academic? Sporty? Little yobs? There’s that too. But it really wasn’t anything to worry about. It’s definitely been easier than Year 6 was and she’s much happier and really thriving with the added independence.

This really resonated. My DD is also starting in September and she’s excited but definitely overwhelmed by a lot of the same things you mentioned.

I’m finding it hard not to spiral too, especially around the social side and all the unknowns.

I came across a free webinar that’s aimed at parents of Year 6 girls, and it covers things like peer pressure, friendships, and how to support them emotionally through the jump. It’s next Wednesday (July 2) and online (no camera, anonymous questions etc). Hopefully it'll be a big help!

👉 https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/transitioning-to-high-school-navigating-academic-social-personal-change-tickets-1428022366339

I keep reminding myself that so many kids do find their feet eventually, but yes, it definitely feels like a white-knuckle phase for us parents too 😅