Is it normal for 2 & 7 year old to physically fight?

[BoopityBoop]

It's regular arguing over toys/time with me which escalates to shouting, DS(2 1/2) will then shove DD(7), occasionally with it escalating to a hit and kick if we've not interjected quick enough. Alternatively, DD will have a massive strop, try and snatch things whilst shoving DS, shouting and throw something in (in another direction) in anger, whilst stomping off.

Me and DH never physically fight and don't have screaming matches. Anything DS has seen would have been from DD who is sometimes like it with us when tired, or his daycare. We doubt it's the latter as DS has now started to mimick DD's throwing and stomping off.

We're trying to combat it with books for DS and explaining hitting, kicking and shoving hurts. With DD we explain what is and isn't OK when dealing with emotions.

The arguing and fighting this Christmas has driven me up the wall and I just wonder if we're really failing here or I'm being too hard on myself as a parent. DH says he and his siblings throttled each other regularly and it's normal, I can think of one or two instances with my brother but I don't want either to grow up thinking we didn't do more, when we should have.

In my experience it can be normal and is something I had to really work on with my youngest two at that age. They would go from being inseparable to arguing and fighting. I did lots of work with them on rules, boundaries and expectations but yes their brains are maturing and almost the evolutionary instinct is to fight to defend yourself - something we as humans in a civilised society constantly battle against as it isn’t socially acceptable to just punch someone who does something to annoy you.

At the ages of 2 and 7 brain development is still very limited so they want something they’ll do it and won’t always recognise cause and effect or consider impact of actions before doing something. It’s a case of lots of reminders, boundaries, consequences and asserting expectations.

Thank you for your response.

Yes, I definitely feel that they're both leading with emotion and knee jerk reaction because they're still learning, brains still forming, etc. and do need reminders.

They do love each other a huge amount and I think they can be a little too in each other's space, which leads to the arguing occuring more.

We'll have to stay consistent then. Although he's been getting involved, DH is of the impression we should just let them fight and regulate it themselves, especially as they get older, but I'm not a fan of that approach.

My view is that approach doesn’t work. My partner had a similar opinion and when I met him my then step children had had the approach of if there isn’t an injury then he just lets them fight. This led to horrendous issues in their teen years with them fighting and hurting each other. Absolutely your expectation needs to be that the behaviour is understandable but not acceptable and they need clear reminders.