Another year and I'm dreading

[Villagemum55]

Everyone is excited about the new year and I'm here dreading it . Loving as a single mum juggling everything and constantly feeling like I'm not enough or doing my best . To make my problems worse every time I stress I have endometriosis flare ups. I love my son so much and I know there's people far worse but I'm wearing this shoe and it's so uncomfortable . I tried counselling last year but I keep falling into this depressive state . I wonder if that's why my mum left me with my grandparents when I was young . Did she find it hard to cope too? How are other lone single parents managing ? Will I ever fell better and not be so anxious and spirall ? I'm scared to ask the GP for help again . Maybe I am not good enough . I'm scared my kid will see through me .

Sorry you're struggling. I think life as a single parent means it would be normal to struggle it's a huge amount to manage on your own so please don't feel that everyone else is excited and happy all the time - so many people are not.

Perhaps your mum did struggle as well and leant on your grandparents - that's a good thing, she had support when she needed it. Do you have anyone to lean on? Don't feel bad about going back to the GP, see it as taking responsibility for the reality of your situation. You love your son, I can bet your son loves you too. Don't think about the full year ahead, think about each day as it comes and try wherever you can to have something to look forward to, even if it's something small.

Parenting can be incredibly overwhelming- we need to think about a day at a time and remember everything changes over time. How old is your son?

Thanks for the kind words . He is 5 nearly 6. I grew up in another country and that's where most of my family is . Mum is here but lives 3hrs away . I don't want to move because it's safe here and I used to manage before but in the last two years I've been going through so many challenges and emotions . The weird and distant relationship with my mum is making me question if she had a mental problem and maybe I could have it too hence why I'm feeling like this . It's silly coming online about it but I don't have anyone to just chat about it without fear of being judged .

It's not silly to come online.

It sounds as though you're panicking and possibly catastrophising that there's something genetic within you which means you're going to face problems you cannot control. I would counter that by saying that postnatal depression and anxiety is so unbelievably common and when you were being brought up by your mum she probably couldn't go to the GP and get help, so enlisting help from grandparents was likely the next best thing. I remember so many friends of mine being at their grandparents every weekend for example, parenting was different then. Now we are expected to do it all and it's not really realistic for people especially to do it alone.

I have a supportive enough husband and family (a few hours away unfortunately) but have suffered with quite strong anxiety since my five year old daughter was born. Many days I wake up dreading the day ahead yet I love my daughter more than anything. It's the weight of responsibility that gets to me, and I'm not a single parent so I can't even imagine how much more it feels for you.

Your son is now school age so that's a good thing, life will and does get easier as he gets older. Don't doubt yourself - you've already parented and kept him safe and loved for more than half a decade through the hardest part of raising a child the very early years.

Don't be too quick to diagnose yourself or your mum, it could very likely be circumstances and things get em difficult because they are difficult. Keep on doing what you're doing. Do you work?

I guess you are right . I think the lack of support and doing it alone is the main problem . I'm super tired and end up over thinking . I have no one to ask or talk to besides chats I have with other mums here and there but it's all just surface . I also just wish mum was that close but she is too selfish and I need to accept that and carry on . I'll speak to my GP again and see they can help with the medical stuff . Silly but I feel better . I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed too sometimes and yes it's definitely scaring facing the future in one go . Yes I work and I've been saving up for a trip to go visit my family and grandma this year so that's something to look forward too . Thank you x .