Toddler keeps getting stuck in a cycle of "bad" behaviour..any tips?

[Bugie405]

I know acting out at this age is very normal 2.5 years old but I feel like im handling it wrong and not helping things.

Little one will misbehave in one way, say for example throw her food. But once she misbehaves once she gets trapped in a cycle of naughty behaviour for maybe the next hour where she will do anything and everything naughty she can think off. Throwing toys, hitting, swearing, peeing herself on purpose etc .Tonight it escalated to her biting me hard enough to draw blood.

Any tips how to nip the behaviour in the bud before we get to that stage?

Her communication and understanding are excellent if that makes a difference to any of the techniques. TIA

Toddler Taming - this is a superb book with lots of good tips and advice

How on Earth does a 2,5 year old know any swear words?

"Misbehaviour" "naughty" - ie, things that get a reaction out of you?

You probably need to react less. She's totally age-appropriately testing boundaries. Being calm and quiet usually works best for me - "food goes on a plate or in your mouth" and covering hands / taking the missile out of hands / pulling plate away. Praise the good and ignore the bad as much as possible.

Behaviour management at this age is mostly about removing the opportunity or temptation to do the thing you don't want them to do, as they want to press your buttons and they have basically no impulse control, however good their understanding may seem to be (they can be great with words but their emotions are still basically primitive).

What's your reaction usually?

Indeed

She's testing boundaries very appropriately and I would also react less. She is trying to learn how to cope with big feelings and needs to know you're safe and can manage them.

I don't think such a judgemental response is helpful. All it takes is for a toddler to overhear a few swear words, a "Jesus Christ" when you stub your toe or accidental "shit", and then for the parent to deal with it the wrong way by not just ignoring it when they repeat it... and there you go. A toddler who has found a word that pushes their parents' buttons.

Wasn't really the point of the post but mainly because she has older cousins who thought it would be funny to teach her some swear words

My reactions have varied from ignoring, trying a thinking step, giving a natural consequence and then the unfortunate shouting when for example she has bitten me etc. It seems that no matter the response she will just keep going and going and going with little care for the actual response

thank you I will get a look at this

Is it at a certain time, can you see a trigger? I'd assume she's tired/hungry/overstimulated etc and the throwing food is the first behaviour you see but she's somehow not coping.

This is all the adults fault....

So, she throws food off the table. You couldn't shout, get angry and make a huge deal out if it, or.. You just remove the food/meal entirely without drama. She's telling you she's finished. So just say "oh, you've finished, next time just say "all done" instead of throwing the food". And then, get her to help clean up, even if just wiping the floor with a cloth after you've removed the food.

Then say "thank you for cleaning up, you're so helpful" and send her on her way.

"Throwing toys" - remove the toy.

" peeing herself on purpose" - she's not likely doing this on purpose. There's another reason. How long has she actually been potty trained?
But again, no reaction, just say 'oh dear, let's get you changed" and clean it up.

"Tonight it escalated to her biting me hard enough to draw blood." this is all on you for allowing her to get so angry/frustrated/scared she resorted to biting.

YOU have to stop the cycle, stop framing her as naughty when she's doing fairly tame stuff like chucking food.

Is she getting your full undivided attention with this behaviour?

Is she getting the same when she's calm, quiet, playing nicely?

Are you helping her with the first signs of frustration by helping her, it are you just shouting at her and telling her off? Because if you do that, you're just saying "when you are struggling, I won't help you, and I will make it worse for you".

Interesting observation

Yes it always tends to be around dinner time every evening...

Yes it always tends to be around dinner time every evening... Probably tired and hungry. Try feeding earlier.

Also is dinner time busy or stressful.in your house? Might be useful to describe what your routine is, who is there etc. Where are you physically, where is the toddler, what are they doing in the run up to dinner?

My reactions have varied from ignoring, trying a thinking step, giving a natural consequence and then the unfortunate shouting when for example she has bitten me etc. It seems that no matter the response she will just keep going and going and going with little care for the actual response Very confusing and inconsistent.

Yes I already said in my original post that I felt I was handling things wrong and asked for advise on what I could do, not her, me!

But thanks for your super judgey response, I hope you are the perfect parent.

Btw I have responded in all the ways you already suggested, if I do this then she will jump straight to a new behaviour despite your suggested reaction to the first behaviour hence why I came looking for advice on what to do about the cycle she gets stuck in.

So she acts out when she's tired /hungry and it probably presses your buttons because you are too!!

I have a daughter the same age (and my oldest is 13 so I've been practising! 😁) and I find that focused attention at the trigger points can divert the tired rages before they happen rather than trying to bring her back once she's on a roll. Lots of cuddles and contact, asking questions and focusing on the things she loves so she gets carried along with it.

Turn the 'bad' behaviour into a game - she throws food so you 'race' her to clean it up (natural consequences don't have to be 'punishments' esp at this age), or she swears so you say 'oh my goodness, let's find some kinder words to say to each other' and tell her you love her etc.

I think you are possibly equating good language and understanding with high behaviour expectations - mine is sharp as a tack and sometimes it feels like she's actively trolling us, but it's just what tiny kids do. The adults have to have a sense of humour and perspective (again, much easier with a decade of hindsight as well!).

I would also try 'time in' rather than anything that sets her as separate from you (if that's what the thinking step is). Extra cuddles, encouraging her to help you or even blast some music and dance with her - anything to quickly change the tone and lighten the atmosphere before things get out of hand can help.

Good luck - I'm finding it all much easier this time round as I can laugh more about the dramas which really does diffuse a lot of situations.

Bring dinnertime and bed time forward by an hour.
Give main meal at lunch time and make dinner a simple, easy to eat meal.
Keep everything quiet and calm throughout dinner and bed time routine.
It sounds like classic over tiredness and overstimulation.

My advice remains the same, regardless of your defensive attitude.

She's doing this for a response. The cycle is continuing because the adult is allowing it to continue
Make the reaction a positive one. Make sure she's getting positive interactions when she's calm etc.

No child is naughty at 2.5 they're telling you they need you.

You know she finds sit hard when tired and hungry, so help her not get to that stage.

So praise the good behaviour, don't punish the bad behaviour. Feed her earlier.