Toilet training nightmare

[Changingnameagain]

We started toilet training our DS on 21st December. He just turned 3 on 30th December. He is still not getting it really. We have some wees in potty and have had 2 poos in potty but everything else has gone in pants.
My DD was toilet trained a few weeks before her 3rd bday and was dry in 48h (poos took a lot longer but she would withhold until given a pull up to poo in not soil herself). DS goes back to childminder next week- I don't know how it is going to work
We've been tied to house pretty much all Xmas hols and when we've had to leave in car we've put a pull up over DS' trousers and he's weed himself every time.
He starts pre school in April and kids have to be toilet trained to attend unless there's SEN or medical issues so I'm feeling panicky that he won't be there and also panicked that we will be constantly throwing away shitty pants and washing 5 pairs of trousers every day for next 4 months.
He seems ok doing wees in potty at home when he's just bare bummed but as soon as we put pants on it's accident central.
Initially we were offering him a milky way star for every wee and poo in potty as a friend said they'd had good success with their son that way but we've given up on that tbh as it didn't seem to be making much difference to number of accidents.

Any wise words or advice?
He still has a nappy for nap and bed time and it is always very heavy afterwards.

He is not ready
abort this attempt
break for a few weeks
revisit with gusto

It's been almost 2 weeks. He's clearly not ready so put him back in nappies and try again in a few months. It's not worth stressing everyone out when he's not ready yet.

I would suggest you have a discussion with the child minder. She will have potty trained many children, and knows your son, so she will probably have valuable insight. In the meantime, I would consider putting him back in nappies (unless he objects), but tell him that all wees and poos should be done sitting on the potty, but he can keep his nappy on if he prefers. The idea is to form a strong association with the potty, and massively praise and reward all sitting on the potty. Consider keeping a potty by every toilet in the house. If he has a favourite place to sneak off and poo, put a potty there. Massively praise every wee on poo he does on the potty (even with the nappy on). Teach him that "poo goes down the loo" by scraping poo into the toilet and letting him flush it. Get him the Poo Goes to Poo Land app. If he gets on board with using the potty with the nappy on, it will be more straightforward to get him to consider relinquishing the nappies altogether.

Thanks everyone- we tried aborting on day 5 but in the morning when I got him up I went to put a nappy on and he screamed and said big boy pants. So then I felt bad forcing him back into nappies so we persisted. We've had one wee and poo in potty this morning which is brilliant but before this we had a small wee and a poo smear in his pants... the pants then came off and then we've had these successes. He definitely does better when he has nothing on bottom half. This obviously won't be possible at childminders.
Today he did independently poo on the potty a few hours after the accidents without being prompted to sit on it and bribed to sit for more than 30 seconds with a screen.
It's so confusing as he sometimes can do it but other times doesn't?!

We are going out this morning and I have no idea what to put on him as we will be going in car (short journey) and staying out a few hours. Might do big boy pants and pull up over the top so if he wets he can feel it is wet? Hoping his poos are done for the day....

The method I used had them be naked on bottom half first, then commando, then pants as last stage. The theory being that pants can feel too much like nappies for some kids and it's like an automatic trigger to go in them. Maybe try commando for a while? Although you'd obviously have to talk to the childminder first! Can he independently pull pants and trousers up and down?

That's really interesting and after having another poo in big boy pants this afternoon I think you/this theory are right. He did come straight and tell us he'd done a poo in them and he wanted to then 'release it' into his potty and flush down toilet.
I will have to text the childminder and ask her. My worry is without the pants if there is a shit accident he will just be walking around with turds in his trouser legs 😅🤮

@Changingnameagain hope it helps! Yes to be honest, grim as it is, makes them much more aware of an accident than if it is contained in pants. But, yeah, grim!