Ten year old hates her body

[Kokomelonn]

My ten year old girl is terrified of starting secondary school in September because she doesn’t feel her height and body shape is ‘big’ enough and she thinks she won’t fit in.

She was sobbing last night about how much she hates her body. Huge gut wrenching sobs and saying she doesn’t want to live in it anymore. We’ve talked through how her body helps her with activities and the bits she does like but ultimately I can’t deny what she feels and neither can she so I just let her cry and held her close.

Is this a phase? Wil it pass?

Very worried mummy!

What does she not like about it, does she think she's short? Is she actually particularly short? Can you reassure her by showing her percentile charts and explaining that (in likelihood) xyz% of the year group will be shorter than her, etc.

It’s not just her height, she is slim
and she thinks she’s too slim. She is actually only on 15th percentile for weight. I’m worried if I talk about weight I might create an obsession!

That sounds really worrying. A big feeling like that won’t have come from nowhere.

Is she anxious about starting puberty? Has she been bullied? Where has this idea come from?

She think she’s she is too bony and she wants to be stocky and curvy like some of the other girls in her class

Oh bless her - maybe show her pictures of people with different bodies and say they're all fine and completely normal - ballerinas, weight lifters, athletes, etc. she's bound to start changing soon anyway when puberty hits, presumably she knows this

That must have been heartbreaking op. What about taking her to try on uniform and seeing how grown up she looks in it. Think about buying more grown up underwear and shoes, maybe even look at some with thicker soles so she feels taller. My dd was happy to have a large selection of sport backed crop tops from m&s to wear to secondary school last year. Think about chosing a new backpack etc. Does the school hold any transition days? They really help to settle students and prepare them.

It's impossible to know from here whether this is fear of the unknown and anxiety or if she really is struggling with hating her body (which would be the more worrying one I think) but it will be really important to keep an eye on it. For now I would assume its some nerves and anxiety and work on that. There really are teens of all shapes and sizes at secondary school, my ds is year 10 and has a friend who is the same height as dd who is y7 and not particularly tall for her year. Maybe take her to look at the teens getting off the school bus or leaving school one day too.

With my daughter it was connected to a toxic school environment. Everyone was being scrutinised for minor physical flaws and were terrified of being bullied. Parents dont realize how abusive school yards are at the moment and how little action is taken by teachers to stamp it out

Great ideas! Thank you

Just wanted to say firstly it's brilliant she knows she can talk to you about this, so many children grapple with thoughts like this in private so you've obviously fostered a relationship where she feels safe and secure.

It's tricky isn't it because what she's feeling is very real to her, even though realistically we know objectively it's unlikely to be an issue. I agree with others that it's worth trying to drill down into why she's feeling this way; I'd presume it would be something said at school?

Are you confident yourself with your body? Or does she hear you discussing your own insecurities?

unfortunately her whole life she’s had to deal with people she meets saying that she’s small for her age or looks young! 😖

Very! But she wants my body because it’s bigger, however I am a women! She’s desp to be average or slightly on the curvier side.