Sons friend just wants to play with his own mum on playdates !

[Aussierose2]

My son has a little friend he's quite fond of that we meet up and have playdates with. They are both 4.5. The problem is this friend constantly asks to play with his mum and rather than encouraging him to play with my son she goes along with it. If his Mum isn't playing with him for a minute he then starts asking me to play and he will ask the adults around over and over again until usually his mum gives in.

It's getting to the point where often my son and I are just kind of standing there while him and his mum play together ! Would you try and nicely say something or is this something that is likely to improve with time and is normal for alot of kiddos this age ? We haven't really had this problem with his other friends so far.

I'd just stop inviting them over. If the kids aren't going to go off and play and leave the adults to their coffee and chat then what's the point? You're just providing a place for your friend to play with her son while you watch .

Agreed, I would just dial back on the invitations until he gets a bit older and then try again. It’s probably just a phase but means that play dates don’t really work - the whole point at this age is that the children play together while the adults have a cuppa and a chat, intervening only if the children aren’t getting on / need help going to the loo etc.

We have a couple of sets of family friends where their younger child is very clingy to mummy which creates similar problems on play dates - the two older kids go off and play, the friend’s DC2 wants their mum to play with them alone but using our toys meaning that my DC2 goes off to try to join in with the big kids who don’t always want him to play. The dynamic takes a lot more managing than where we have a load of kids who are happy to run off and play together and tbh as the children are getting older (all at school now) I’d rather just meet the mum separately for a coffee and catch up - having every other sentence interrupted by a five year old is really annoying!

@Aussierose2 perhaps the children arent friends?

This is true ! Thank you I hadn't looked at it like this before 🤣

It is really annoying ! This sounds like a very similar situation. I can't even have a conversation with the mum without him interrupting that he wants her to play. It gets very frustrating.

Well my son asks if this child is coming over today and says he misses him and apparently this child does the same but maybe your right. I get the impression this child behaves like this whoever the playdate is though.

Some kids can’t do kid to kid play. Does the other child go to nursery?

He is perhaps developmentally not at the same stage as your ds. Leave it until he us a bit older and more ready to play with his peers.

No he doesn't he started pre school but his mum pulled him out as there was another kid there that was too rough so he'll be at home another year. I think my son is his main socialization with other kids his age.

Oh my god, this. I couldn't be bothered with this at all. Whats the point?

Does his mother make any attempt to get him to go play? Or acknowledge that it's not acceptable and he should be off playing?

I wouldn't even let my 3 year old away with this.

She'll say why don't you go play with ( my son) occasionally but he'll often say no I want to play with you mummy and then that's it she accepts it 🙄

Can you drop a few not-so subtle hints?
‘Oh Peter, I was hoping to have a nice chat with your mum’,
‘Oh, poor mum just wants a nice cup of tea for a minute’,
‘Poor Charlie has to play on his own, why don’t you go and help him Peter’, ‘Peter fuck off for 5 mins I want a chinwag with your mother’ 🤣

We have similar age DS and a similar sort of thing with a preschool friend. I think the friend actually doesn't want to play with our DS. He came to play recently after parents asked us to pick him up from nursery and he asked to stay but then they both went into different rooms and wouldn't play together. Their DS actually likes to play with my DH who will play superhero's with them but I called their mum to collect him as my DS was alone in the other room while their son was playing with my DH. My DS says this boy is his best friend but we've seen evidence of other boy not wanting to play. He is a bit older, physically larger and I think they actually play in different ways.

This boy and your DS might not actually be friends and I wouldn't have them over in those circumstances unless you and the mum are actually friends.

My son was that child until very recently @Aussierose2 ! It's hard because I wanted him to play with the other kid but also wanted to avoid an awkward situation with a meltdown at someone else's house 😬 I just kept encouraging him, playing a bit then backing off, involving the other kid etc. I'd explain beforehand "Your friend will be excited to play with you" and all that.

He wasn't the only one thankfully, at least 2 of his friends were very similar, even at 4.

I can say at just turned 5 he's completely different! It was a very gradual progression, but it's sooo much better just a few months on. We've had 2 play dates this week and whilst at one they were in the living room mostly, that was because the family had 2 new kittens and they were chatting to them, playing with them etc. The other one he took the boy straight to his room and they played together for ages, just nipping down for snacks etc.

So hopefully this other boy is just at a different stage and will "get it" more in the near future, but I totally get it probably looks a bit mad and not something you really enjoy.

This made me laugh thank you 🤣 I'm definitely going to try ( minus the last bit 🤣)

This has got me thinking maybe this is the case !

Okay thats really good it improved . It looks like maybe mum has to be a bit more on board with encouraging him to play !

This could be my child, and I completely understand why parents may not invite us back, but I am grateful when parents try because it means I get ( a little ) adult conversation. We are on the autism pathway.

I think lots of kids that age would do this if they were allowed but I really hate parents who allow it without any protest. Why would I want to watch you play with your 4 year old? If that’s the activity I’d rather do it alone with my own, significantly cuter 4 year old, thanks.