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Parenting

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Original poster

Could i actually be spending too much time with DD?

17 replies

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 19:20

I am a SAHM, and lately i have been struggling with the 24/7ness of it all. I ADORE my DD. But i am with her, about 14 hours a day, sometimes longer. The only time when she is awake that i am not with her is when DP puts her to bed - so about half an hour. Ive had a difficult week, and commented to DP tonight that "she has been doing my head in" today. So, after a few sarcastic comments he took her off to the park to kick a ball around before dinner. She couldnt wait to go, and told me - in the best 2.5 year old stylee - you stay here, we wont be long, no i dont want you to come - holding her hand out in a "talk to the hand" type fashion.

It suddenly occured to me, i feel like i need a break from her - does she need a break from me?? She only ever wants daddy (that hurts) even when he is not around, she cries for him. Could it be time to consider childcare - she is supposed to be starting playschool in september, but maybe she really does need a break from mummy Is that possible at two??

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Dropdeadfred · 02/05/2008 19:24

Perhaps not so much a break from you, ather a change of scene?

Do you take her out of the house alot, to the park? swimming? library? play groups etc

I am at home with a 2 yr old and we would both be bored of each other if we didn't get out of the house alot and see different friends/places.

LIZS · 02/05/2008 19:27

dd went to a playgroup from 2. It meant I could do the food shopping etc quicker and spend the rest of the time with her with fewer distractions. She enjoyed it depsote havign speapration anxiety until then, got to socialise a biot (very small group0 and did things I didn't do at home with her. pfb ds went at almost 3 and was defintiely ready as was I as by then was pg with dd! Before then he did 2 terms in a creche while I did an adult ed course. So yes I think it could be beneficial.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 19:35

dropdeadfred, we are always out and about - i suffer from PND and i would go stark staring mad if i didnt get out of the house

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WinkyWinkola · 02/05/2008 19:38

Maybe she feels the need to develop some independence from her mum? Not much. Just a few hours. Why don't you try her in nursery for one or two sessions a week? She might love it.

But remember, she's had her mum all this time. She'll feel confident and well loved.

And my DS always prefers Daddy. That's easy - he's not around so he's a novelty. And Daddy doesn't insist on rules of behaviour so I'm instantly out of favour when Dad's around. That's ok.

Also, if you are thinking about having another child then it would be good for DD to have a bit of her own life at nursery.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 19:40

another child?????? rotfl Im not doing THAT again.

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Original poster

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 19:41

The dillema i have is, i have her name down for the preschool i want her to go to in september. They wont take her earlier than the term after her third birthday, she is 3 in july. So if iwant her to go before that, and lets face it, time is dwindling before the summer hols, ill be taking her out of that nursery to change over - thats not the best idea is it?

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sophiewd · 02/05/2008 19:45

I have a much better relatsionship with my DD as she is in nursery in the mornings and we do things together for a bit in tha afternoon, beach, play park or garden. It took me a long time to not feel guilty about this but it works better for us as a family.

pepperrabbit · 02/05/2008 19:49

A private day nursery will be open all through the hols if you can afford a couple of sessions a week, often they're quieter then as well as the normal pre-school kids aren't there as well.

sophiewd · 02/05/2008 19:51

DD goes to the local surestart nursery which is open all year except for 2 weeks christmas and 2 weeks August. I know you have financial difficulties as well, we get a very healthy contribution towards DD's fees.

Smithagain · 02/05/2008 19:54

I would agree that starting a different nursery now would probably be making life difficult.

How about starting to make a habit of using a creche at a leisure centre, or something similar? DD gets to spread her wings - you get to tone up/chill out/have a quite coffee. Win win situation.

Or have you got any friends with children a similar age, so you can take it in turns to have each other's children for a couple of hours, while the other has a break.

ScoobyDoo · 02/05/2008 19:54

My dd is 2.3 & she goes to a private nursery 2 mornings a week 9-1pm she loves it, i have gone back to work & when i pick dd up at 1pm on those 2 days she is alot happier & tells me all about the "fun" she has been having.

The nursery is also open 48 weeks of the year, is this an option you could look at? do you go to mother & toddler etc?

Smithagain · 02/05/2008 19:54

"quiet" coffee, obviously. Not sure what a quite coffee consists of

CarGirl · 02/05/2008 19:56

Have you got friends that you can swop playdates with ie you don't go along too? Nearing 3 it is generally quite easy having a friend around to play IME, harder with delayed talker (like I have) but still doable.

pepperrabbit · 02/05/2008 19:56

That'll be one of those machine ones - better known as "not quite" coffee

sophiewd · 02/05/2008 19:58

Our local leisure center has a drop in creche where you pre book what days and what hours so you can vary them.

Smithagain · 02/05/2008 20:21

LOL pepperrabbit!

phlossie · 02/05/2008 20:51

Lucyellensmum - I've been having the exact same thoughts this week about my ds (2.3). He seems to me to be chomping at the bit to get away from me - he runs away from me given the smallest chance.
But I think he runs away because he knows I'll always come after him, and the rest of his behaviour is just his age. He's testing me and pushing his boundaries, everything is very familiar and I'm always there so he's supremely confident. And, let's face it, I'm pretty boring because I deal with the business, make him lie still to change his nappy, make him stop playing to eat his lunch and so on.
And that brings me on to the other thing... I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't try and be your child's friend or worry about them liking you. By being constant, giving them boundaries and security and disciplining them, you are forging a bond that's way deeper than a superficial preference.
All that said, it is perfectly legitimate and understandable to want a break from your routine and want someone else to stimulate your daughter for a day or two a week. I'm planning on starting ds in nursery in September for two mornings a week for the two terms before he starts pre-school next April for exactly that reason.
Then it'll just be me and baby no2...

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