Would you use nursery if you didn't have to?

[StolenShortcake]

We have one just turned 3 year old, and I'm pregnant, due in a few months.

DS has gone to nursery for two days a week for over a year now, mostly because his friends started going when their parents went back to work, and I worried he'd miss out.

The first 9 months were HARD, and he seemed to hate it. The last 3 months have been better, but he's still never keen to go, and nursery themselves say it seems too busy for him and he finds it a bit stressful. This is a bit baffling to me; as with me or Dad, he's confident and outgoing and rarely cries. He's very sociable. Before nursery, he used to do lots of classes and groups in various areas, so he was still well socialised.

Last year we needed him there, really, because I'm self-employed and as business wasn't going well enough to support us both, DH had to get some work too. He is keen to return to working with me, and it looks like if I pushed myself a bit, we could make that happen.

DS has just become entitled to 30 hours, but the plan was that he'd continue doing 2 days, but it'd cost us less. They've actually just increased the additional costs so that we're paying the same; and warned us that prices will go up in April.

I'm torn on whether we should keep pushing on with it, or if we should give notice and he should be with us? We'd go back to doing the forest school/arts/language/STEM classes we used to do with him, and he'd still socialise with the kids he likes the best as their parents are my friends.

My big concern is that we've been on the waiting list for other nurseries for nearly a year and no spaces have come up, and childminders are non-existent here, so if we take him out and regret it, we'll have no options... but I also feel awful sending him to something he clearly dislikes, and I'm not sure is doing him all that much good. I try to keep his days short, so he usually goes 9 - 4, but it hasn't made too much difference... and if I'm going to step up the business, I'm going to need to work more than 2 days a week anyway.

Any thoughts?! I've been driving myself mad with this for weeks.

I work in a nursery and I first hand have witnessed staff lie to parents to say they are absolutely fine when in actual fact the child was unsettled probably 90% of the day. If I had ir my way I’d of informed the parents of that via the phone long before collection.

I then have had my child with me in a different room at said nursery and I was watching her cry cry and cry cause it was too cold and all my colleagues were ignoring her so I stood and I cried. I then got told that the room leader had instructed them to ignore because the reasons she was crying wasn’t good enough. We left that day and I’ve not gone back since. If they can treat a staff members child like it then what can they do to others.

my management are lovely but still nursery’s aren’t the place for my children. I hate how they run I hate how they shove the children outside for most of the day and are they also really that honest at hand over? I always was and I always rang the parents to let them know and I always rang the parents that were anxious leaving their child. I did it sometimes even before they’d probably left the car park. My manager had also ran across the car park several times tor me to just tell the parents that their child was fine now.

I wouldn’t put my child through it and she’d spent 2 years and 2 months at a childminder and she is now going to a school nursery.

He’d typically start school in September 2026. He will be of compulsory school age in December 2027. So we have some time!

I would say if he's unsettled take him out. It doesn't seem to be really helping him and he's unhappy. He seems to be getting loads of socialisation and different experiences with you. The only thing I would say is how will he cope with school? I'm not one to say that children should go to nursery to prepare for school, in fact my son didn't. My only thought is your son goes to nursery, is unhappy, you take him out. Then he's happy with you most of the time, and then he goes to school. He might be fine, but if he's unhappy again, and thinks you can solve it by not making him go, but you can't (unless you deliberately decided to home educate, which is valid, but a whole different issue) where will that leave you both? However of course, he's still young and may well change by then and might not even remember nursery.

I would keep him
In while baby is tiny you need some help

It’s a good question. At the moment, we are scoping out whether we move to Europe for a big work opportunity, so schooling may be less of an issue. He’d have to go every morning from 4 there, and then would start school at 6. But we’re not 100% on going yet; there’s a lot to think about, baby included! We’re not leaving much support, we don’t have any here either, but we do have a home and a routine and it feels like a big move!

For now I think the plan would be that DH gives notice, and then we give notice to DS’ nursery… but nursery would be convenient childcare for my section, or DH won’t be with me, so I’ve got that to think about! We may be able to get friends to help but availability is an issue, we wouldn’t be able to make any set plans until the date was confirmed…