To tuck into bed?

[motherofonegirl]

My daughter has just turned 13 and has decided it is time for her to grow up now she is a teenager. Tonight she told me she is too old for me to tuck her into bed at night and turn her light off. What age did you stop saying goodnight in your child's bedroom? I'm happy for her to be independent, but I still want to show her how much I love her and also want her to actually go to sleep rather than stay up all night! If I don't make sure she is in bed and the light is off she will be up until the early hours which is a bad idea when she has to be up by 6am for school.

Well before 13! 10? I can't remember. And you can show your love and care without tucking them in to bed! And what is she doing if she does stay up (and at 13 surely she can just turn the light back on after you leave)? 13 is old enough to take responsibility for their actions. If she stays up and is tired the next morning she'll learn!
And you can always peek in on your way to your own bed.

Gosh, I would say around 10 as well. A kiss goodnight, then a yell up the stairs if you see lights on still after 30 minutes!

DS is 11, we've always taken turns to take him up to bed and he still wants us to do it. It used to be reading a story and staying with him until he was asleep but over the years that's come down to getting him a glass of water and switching the light off. We can't even tuck him in because he's 6 feet up in a high-sleeper 😂

Sometimes I think he should be more independent and bedtime doesn't have to be a job for everyone at his age, but at the same time I know it won't last forever so I just enjoy the time for a little bit of a chat while he gets himself sorted.

Maybe you could just check on your DD after 30 mins or so to make sure she has the light off and is sleeping?

Pretty sure DD got the hump if I didn’t go into her room and say goodnight to her until she finished high school! Even now if she is awake in bed and hears me locking up (her room is near the front door) she will call me in although we are usually in bed well before her these days. I never saw it as odd tbh, just something she likes and why wouldn’t I.

For various reasons related to their needs it was probably later that I stopped ‘tucking them in’, when I go to bed now I just call out a general good night and love you at their closed doors. They always hear and usually respond

I often tuck dd in but not always (eg if I’m working late). She just likes to say goodnight to me. She is 14. If she didn’t want me to do so then I would happily stop.

Dd was probably about 9. She has snuggles om the sofa then takes herself to bed.

Her bedroom light is a smart bulb so is set on a timer to go off at a set time.

She also knows the consequences of disobeying so doesn't take the piss.

Why would you think that if you didn't turn the light off and make sure she was in bed that she would be up until the early hours? She must realise she has to get up for school.

My dd goes to bed at 10.30 but I go to bed at 9.30 so I just say goodnight on the way to bed. She knows she has to be up at 6.15 for school so she goes to sleep at an appropriate time.

She struggles to get to sleep as her mind is always busy so she would read and forget to stop - she wouldn't feel tired for hours in the evening/night, it's only mornings when her body clock wants her to be asleep (like most teenagers). She needs a decent amount of sleep though as she has dyslexia and her brain has to work a lot harder than others to do the same work at school.

Sounds lovely to me. I suspect my daughter is a little like this - likes the idea of being independent but also likes the comfort of me tucking her in.

She is more than capable of doing it herself however in 5 years she will be off to uni so I'm keen to enjoy looking after her as long as I can. Also she struggles to get to sleep and loves reading so would read for hours and hours and then struggle the next day, but do the same again each night - I don't think she would change her actions despite being really tired. I guess I won't know unless I try it though.

You don't need to be 'tucking in' at 13, but if you need to establish that your daughter has settled down to sleep, just set a 'lights off' routine (use Alexa to do this, or have a lamp with a timer plug) and just call out 'lights off, sleep tight' (or whatever expression your family use) at the set time. She's too old now for the whole mum/dad tucking in routine (mine grew out of that by about 9!)

Not sure but possibly 9 or 10. Sometimes I’ll tell her to turn the light out and we’ll have a little chat and I’ll give her a cuddle and a kiss if she’s got a lot on her mind or we’ve been having a chat which makes me feel like she needs it but she takes herself off to bed. She is 11 now.

What is she doing when she’s not going to bed? Is it screen time? In which case you can limit that.

Erm, maybe 9? My older two are 14 and 11. I'm in bed before them.