Help me please! 2 year old

[GingerLiberalFeminist]

My DD is making it well known she's turned 2. That's fine. Parenting, setting boundaries, lots of praise.

But what is killing us is bed time. As soon as we start the routine (same every night; milk and books, teeth, cot and song) she goes hyper. Bouncing around like a frog. Asking for everything. Screaming and crying.

And then: takes all her clothes off and wees all over her cot. Every. Single. Night. Tonight it's been three times so far.

Yesterday I tried staying in the room with her and she still did it. I told her not to. But she laughed maniacally.

Tonight we did staying very calm, telling her she was making me sad. But as soon as she got in her cot she was off like someone had given her cocaine.

Bed time routine is the same every night, whether week day or weekend. As it's betwixtmas we have been taking her out morning and night to "exercise" her, park, zoo etc.

We tried cutting the nap 22nd-26th. By 26th she was falling asleep at 5am then waking all through the night and we spent 27th in a stupor of tiredness.

We've now capped the nap at 40min. But she's been back to shenanigans since. I end up in years, convinced we are somehow negatively reinforcing the behaviour but we can't leave her naked in a wet cot!

Please please can anyone help?!!

Jesus, that's next level!! My sympathy. How about putting her in onesie type jammies, back to front, so she can't reach the zip and can't undress herself? The hyper bit sounds tricky, I wonder what need she is trying to meet with all that. I know some parents do a big energy thing before bed - dance or physical rough play type stuff, worth a go to see if it discharges some energy?

Thank you. We have tried the dancing thing as a friend recommended. She didn't want to dance, just sat there watching us. If we do rough play, she gets hyper and physical before bed and takes even longer.

We had her in the park tonight til 5 to tire her out. Thing is she was quite calm til we got upstairs.

Could you put her in a pull up so she can't rip it off like a nappy?

I'd get her ready for bed, milk, teeth and then pop her in her cot and leave the room like sleep training. You could pop in every so often to reassure her or remind her to lie down and go to sleep but don't react to the screaming or crying. I think it will be a rough couple of nights but she will get the message!

For the undressing and weeing, I'd second the onesie pyjamas back to front – look for a round neck, not a v-neck or envelope neck to make it harder to just wiggle out of without undoing the zip. We also had a sleeping bag that had a flap that poppered over the zip when it was done up, and despite being an expert at undoing poppered dungarees, etc., DD2 couldn't manage one up near her chin. A poppered reusable nappy wrap over your usual nappy would be another option – they're quite strong poppers, so most two year olds can't manage it. (DD2 now can, but she's a few months off three.)

For the hyper, I wonder if it would actually help to change the routine? She's basically adding 'go crazy' to the current routine, so I wonder if mixing it up would help sort of reset things? Not anything dramatic, just maybe milk and colouring or stickers or other quiet activity she likes, then teeth, then cot and story (+ song if you and she like).

Thanks. We changed to pull ups but she just takes them off too.

We tried the sleep training, leave and check, that's when the stripping off and weeing started!

Thanks I'll have a look for the whole body things tomorrow.

My 2 year old goes hyper when he's over tired. It's how I know he's ready for bed. Yesterday he was laughing hysterically at a carrot. Got him straight to bed! Maybe the cutting and capping naps has left her really tired.

I would do something dramatically different for a bit. Like keep her downstairs with you until she falls asleep on the sofa or put her in your bed and lay with her until she's asleep and then move her.
Similar to what I would if she was ill.
It sounds like she's really fighting the separation from you at bedtime right now for whatever reason.

I was thinking the opposite. For my daughter, taking her upstairs into her room and hour/hour and half really helps to calm her. She plays with her kitchen, looking at books and enjoying spending time there.
I think at this age it's difficult for them to go from activities (either tv, bath, dancing, etc.) to a dark room where they are forced to sleep.
I always tell my dd when we go into her room: we don't go to sleep yet, we just play. And half an hour later, we change into pj. 10 minutes after we brush teeth. After that, she goes to bed, and we read together books that she can engage with. In my experience, taking it slow can help a lot.

Op, is she in a cot? My dd went a bit crazy about nightimes around 2 years and 4 months - we removed the sides, and she went back to "normal." I think she felt trapped in the cot, which made her overwhelmed.

Sounds super rough! I wondered about the emotional side of it. It does seem like she’s doing her best to get to you, so wonder if there’s something that’s happening in her life/around this time? Even that you think she’s not aware of. It might help to talk about that to her, or speculate a bit to her about what she might be feeling, while also doing all the practical stuff to stop her doing the weeing etc.

Oh OP that sounds hard. As if it's become part of her own little routine.

Our two year old has similar hyper moments before bedtime. We've not totally cracked it, but have actually made it part of bedtime. She needs big, physical play for connection before she'll consider sleeping.

For us, that looks like lots of running and jumping before bathtime. For instance, we race to the bathroom, do jumps off her little bedroom chair, and lots of lots of physical play until she's ready for bath.

In the bath, we keep things calmer. Gentle play, blowing bubbles, etc, and sort of wind down from there.

Every child is different, but perhaps try that for a week and see where you are? Whatever changes you make, do give them time to bed in and become part of the routine.

Keep an eye out for female autistic traits as she grows up because this is really very unusual behaviour, good luck with the suggestions already made

Christ. I think you're mistaking 'autistic traits' for 'being a toddler'. They're little nonsensical nightmares, not all on a spectrum....

I've worked with autistic children for 20 years :) Most children would not deliberately wet their cot every night. I'm not saying it's for sure I'm saying keep an eye out, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to say

Thank you for all the responses
I will definitely try and kill the routine next time, and the onesie!
Her language development isn't great, she's only doing 2/3 word broken sentences but I will try. I worry she is distressed too. The rest of the time she's just a normal 2 year old, running about and happy helping mummy.

I would not cut the nap myself as it seems like she could be overtired.

Sounds like she is overtired. Try playing relaxing music at bedtime. They use relaxing music in childcare/nursery for nap times. It can help. Also, you could try stroking her back or patting her to sleep. She might be ready for a toddler bed. It might be more comfortable than a cot. If sleep issues continue see a doctor. They might prescribe melatonin. Good luck.

We tried the onesie which worked, but then needed a wash and tonight she's chucked herself out of her cot and wee'd on the carpet. We only had a half hour nap today and spent 2 hrs in soft play and she's still going upstairs

I just wanted to give people an update (as it always irritates me when people don't!).

Since getting back to routine of nursery things have settled a lot.

A huge thank you to @Jollyjoy the onesie trick works. We got large age 2-3 ones odd amazon and she has them on fine and is stuck! So that's a huge relief and much less wee!

We then decided to cut DD's nap to 45min-1hr. Nursery helped us too. Thus has made bed time much shorter! She was a bit grumpy to start with but she's got used to it now.

The other thing we've done is stopped pandering when we go in to her crying. It's a quick pat, and "time for bed babba" and leave her. A couple of nights of doing this and now it only takes one or two checks before she's asleep.

Thanks for everyones help! Fingers crossed it continues!

Hurrah! Well done. So often these things do resolve but when you’re in amongst it it feels impossible, so thanks for the update (she says, as she tries to persuade obstinate toddler that pooping is a good idea)

Yes, the potty is the next challenge!

Some children end up traumatised from sleep training. It hardly ever get mentioned, unfortunately. I suggest you stop trying to get her to sleep in her cot and in her room. Find out another place in the house even if it's the sofa in the front room for a few weeks/months. Or maybe build her a little tent/doll house in another part of the house where she can feel safe. Lots of cuddly toys too, you can buy them from charity shops very cheaply

well done, that all sounds really hard!

I'm so glad things are better for you! I remember SIL using that onesie idea as she had a stripper, I never had cause but glad it helped.