Mommy blues.. Do I dislike being a mum?

[DearSleepycat]

Just a bit of background I have a 1 year old and 2.5 year old (suspected autistic) my life is chaotic I work full time in the evening. My other half works full time in the day. I use to take antidepressants because I struggled with stress and moodswings etc

It's very hard as I do the majority of having the babies but my other half does pitch in quite alot.

I go through days where I struggle being a mum. I love them so dearly and their cute little personalities. But recently I feel like I'm relapsing again. I don't want them to touch me I feel like I'm suffocating. I have plenty of good days and a few bad days which makes me wonder am I cut out for this? Am I good mum?

My other half's response everytime I'm having a bad day is you need your pills again go on your anti depressants but then I feel like I'm locked in a pitch black cage with no way out. I have zero feelings on those things I feel nothing towards anyone including myself and my children and no romantic feelings towards my partner I am completely emotionally blunt on those tablets. I went through a entire scare event feeling zero so I know they work.

I get so frustrated when my partner responds take your meds everytine I have one off day. Do I just not love my kids enough? What do I do

I feel the same but also you are DEEP in the trenches with the ages yours are at.

it’s completely normal to feel the way you do. I can’t believe so many people have kids it’s such hard thankless work.

is your partner struggling too? Is there anything else he could do to help that you could ask him to do? I agree I’d be fed up hearing the response go on pills.

Genuinely he is amazing dad. He helps with the majority of chores. Helps with the kids on and off whilst he's doing some bits in the house or having some down time. I can't really fault him. He makes sure I can take naps where possible when I'm exhausted. So he's doing great

Are they in nursery at all? It sounds like you are doing all the parenting 9-5 and then working full time hours in the evenings?

As per previous poster - this was the absolute hardest time for me when they were these ages (and both mine were neurotypical). Try and organise a night out together or even away if you have someone that can babysit for the night. But it will get easier very soon - and continue to do so so there will be light at the end of the tunnel!

They're both going in for 15 hours a week starting 6th January! So I'm guessing that might start an improvement so I can have a little down time ☺️! I'll try and remain positive see if anything changes