Difficult baby?

[Desupi]

I have a daughter who has just turned 9 months, I am a first time parent so don't have anything to compare to or know what is normal.

My baby fights sleep constantly and still wakes up in the night sometimes every 30/45 minutes.

She has to be fed milk to get to sleep, and her naps are mostly taken in her carrier attached to me or in my mum's arms. She is only having one nap a day because she fights the second nap, then goes to bed at 7pm but wakes at 8pm and is awake until midnight when it is then a huge effort to get her to sleep - Lots of screaming, trying to roll over etc. It's almost like the 7pm 'bed time' is just a nap to her. Every bed time is a battle.

She needs constant mental stimulation, hates her pram and car seat too. Me and my dh have friends who have babies who are super chill and sleep well and I can't help but feel jealous. I thought that by 9 months she might be sleeping through, how wrong was I. She sleeps worse now than when she was 3 months old which is when it went downhill.

Dh and I are both working full time and cannot cope with this. Completely at the end of our tethers. Any tips? Will it get better?

You must be exhausted.
Have you had her checked for gastro issues? Sleep apnoea?
How's her movement and engagement during the day? How's she doing with solids?

My daughter didn’t sleep through consistently until she was 2/3. It can be tough. Maybe speak to your HV about this and make a plan of action together. It will get better, remember it’s only temporary 💐

Have you considered gentle sleep training? Until she can self soothe she will always needs lots of help getting to sleep. Once she can self soothe she will just get herself back to sleep. I'm not talking about crying it out.

If it's any consolation, she doesn't sound 'difficult', she just sounds like she's being a baby. When they're tiny, it is relentless and exhausting and all consuming - but that's absolutely normal. My daughter did the same and it nearly broke me but I promise there will - eventually - be a time when you're not obsessing over sleep.

She sounds pretty normal to me. I did find naps started to improve around this age and I could start to out them down (or sometimes I fed them in bed and rolled away so they stayed sleeping). What time does she wake up in the morning? It definitely sounds like she is treating the 7pm as a nap. It is fairly common during nap transitions to have a late nap, because one nap isn’t quite enough but then two pushes bedtime back really late. You probably just have to ride it out. Could you try keeping her up a bit later or alternatively try and get a very short nap in at say 6pm but cap it to 20 mins so they might be ready for bedtime at 10pm? (Which I know is still late but better than midnight!)

Ia have had 2 "difficult" babies. One is 5 now and whilst still on the more challenging end he has the best personality, and sleeps well! I also have an 18month old who still wakes multiple times but is much easier during the day and naps well. I actually have to wake her up from naps now as she won't go to bed. Still a lot harder than most babies but a joy and has a lovely personality.

I found the baby stage REALLY hard but 1 onwards has definitely become much easier and I'm much more resilient because of it. I can cope well with th3 challenging toddler behaviour 🤣🤣