Reintroduce the dummy?

[Newsingle]

So ds is 2 and gave his dummy to santa. Since then he's not asked for it and seems to understand it was a trade off between him and santa for presents. But he's been very emotionally disregulated at bedtime since. If I don't time it exactly right he's distraught and once he starts he'll be screaming for hours and nothing and I mean nothing will calm him. Tonight he went over like a dream but the second his head hit the cot he woke up, I'm currently 3.5 hrs into bedtime and he's calm now thankfully but for a good hour of that he was writhing around screeching like something possessed and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him.

I'm really wondering if I need to reintroduce the dummy. He only had it for bedtime at night for a long time and I did as much as I could to prepare him for it from reading books and introducing a stuffed toy he really likes to bedtime and we do the same exact routine every night. I just am at a loss. In the last 4 nights he's only had one night where he napped and then slept at night with no issues and no dummy. Every other night has been horrific.

Do I keep persevering with this or am I doing more harm than good?

Interested in responses as my one year old has the dummy for sleeps atm and will have to lose it at some point

Personally I waited until each of my two gave up the dummy/blanky on their own. Every kid is different.
Does he see to be searching for it, or sucking/chewing on something else instead?
Mine are now 16 and 11 and I wish I'd cared less about the little stuff. They grow out of things when they're ready, or you can give them a stepping stone item that's more age appropriate/suits your routine/you have five of (to wash etc)
My 11yo has lately completely abandoned her favourite childhood toy and I'm the one who's upset about it...

Tough one. At 2 I'd say he's a bit little to understand that giving it to santa means he no longer has it, or that he won't get it back. We did the 'dummy fairy' but at age 3. We had a few tears but nothing a big cuddle didn't sort out.

"Does he see to be searching for it, or sucking/chewing on something else instead"

No he's not looking for it that I can tell and no trying to suck anything else. He's just getting very very disregulated and as soon as he starts he can't come back down and it just snowballs. Cuddles don't work when they normally would. No interest in any of his toys. Only thing i could get out of him last night was that he's hungry. He'd said it the previous night and I had brought him down for some toast because to be fair he hadn't eaten a lot that day, but then last night he said the same and he'd had a bigger than usual portion of dinner not that long before bed so there was no way he could have been hungry. I felt like he was just trying to push back bedtime by saying that because then he also started asking to play and go see other people etc. But at the same time his eyes were rolling in his head from exhaustion because he had been on the go all day.

I would keep going.

How is the rest of his routine? He may just be unsettled if that’s changed a lot over Christmas period.

Routine over Christmas has definitely been more relaxed for sure and I have noticed in the last few days new schema and a jump in his language etc so I do think his brain seems to be working hard to process new skills as well as the sudden influx of new toys etc. So in that respect I'm very tempted to just preserve in case it's that, but when he's so distressed at night it's really hard to watch and I do worry it's not good for him, I've never done cry it out or anything similar and that's what it feels like I'm doing.

I think 2 is a bit little. My son is 2 and VERY attached to his dummy. He only has it at night and for naps, (or a bit more if he's poorly) but if he had his own way it would be in his mouth 24/7. Fortunately, his teeth are fine so I'm letting him keep it for now, because I don't think he'd understand the idea of exchanging it for a toy, or the permanence of that anyway. He'd just think he was swapping it in the moment and not forever and I don't want to cause him distress by taking away something that comforts him without him understanding why. I'm planning to do the whole give it to Santa thing next Christmas when he's 3 if he hasn't dropped it by then.

With DD we removed dummy with help of the dummy fairy at about 2. It was a bit of struggle for about a week but then it seemed to click. Personally I wouldn't reintroduce it as he has understood the trade off with Santa which if it comes back he may get upset thinking he needs to give his presents back.

I would keep going, try and get his routine back as you have said it has been a bit relaxed over Christmas. I suspect this is playing a big part in it.

Does he have supper before bed - milk and a small healthy snack before cleaning teeth and going to bed?

I wouldn’t give it back , particularly as he’s not actually looking / asking for it . All changes result in blips and this blip will pass he just needs a bit more time to get used to the new arrangement .

My oldest is much older and a rubbish sleeper so I’ve tried everything over the years. At this age introducing a big cuddly toy can help.

No way
this will pass. He won’t be like this at 15 (bit he may have dodgy speech and teeth if you give him a dummy)

What did you mean 'when his head hit the cot he woke'
Does he not fall asleep in his cot? If not, might be worth tackling that at the same time as the dummy

So we've moved house a few months ago. Before then I'd got him well in the routine of falling asleep in his cot but when we moved and it was a new room he wanted the reassurance of being held and then set down in his cot drowsy but awake. I had got him back into the routine of going straight down in his cot (would have given him the choice and he picked cot himself) but when I removed the dummy we we right back to him wanting to be held again and upset in the cot.

However tonight we did a bit of a mix and I did his stories with him lying in the cot and me lying on the floor beside him rather than on the bed beside him and actually... it was a total success!!! He went over like a wee dream so really, really hoping we've turned a corner with it.

He does have a couple of cuddly toys in his cot that he really likes and sometimes he'll insist on taking them out with him for the day and he does cuddle them at bedtime but he's not wanted them near him the last few nights

@Newsingle that sounds amazing!! Well done, I'd try to persevere with that - it may be painful but it will be better in the long run! Good luck!!