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Advice needed re: overprotective grandmother

6 replies

Heybabyleaf · 27/12/2024 18:15

Hi there, I'm just looking for a bit of advice. I'm a FTM to an 8 month old baby boy. He's the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My mum loves our baby a lot, which is great, but she's been very overbearing since he was born. She constantly finds faults with how me and my husband are raising our baby and compares what we're doing to what she used to do when me and my brother were little and always thinks that what she did was better. It's relentless. It makes me and my husband feel like bad parents. For instance, she doesn't like the idea of baby led weaning and kept talking about how purées are better - it seemed like she was trying to get me to give up on baby led weaning and do purées instead. When we visit her she kind of takes over with our baby and keeps telling me what to do. It can make me and my husband feel like she's the mother. She's also very overprotective and always wants to be near him following us around the house and trying to interact with him. She can't stand when he even makes a whimper - he's not a huge crier, but all babies cry sometimes.

I would talk to her about it, but I know she will get upset. We already said one little thing once and she got very upset about it. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Is it just a phase since DS is her first grandchild? Thanks.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DisforDarkChocolate · 27/12/2024 18:17

Upset her. She has no qualms about upsetting you, her focus is entirely on what she wants.

beetr00 · 27/12/2024 18:24

it would really be best to address this immediately @Heybabyleaf

Remind her that current advice has advanced since she had her children (circa 20-30yrs ago?

Not saying anything will make you miserable, so be brave and grasp the nettle, now

Enjoy your baby @Heybabyleaf, you are not bad parents, times have changed.

Searchingforthelight · 27/12/2024 18:28

Just say what you need to say and be firm.

I put up with such nonsense for years and should have been stronger initially.

It doesn't do your baby any good to have upset parents, so she's causing problems, and is not helpful at all

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Rhaidimiddim · 27/12/2024 18:32

I agree with @DisforDarkChocolate , except to say - don't upset her intentionally, just don't be afraid of upsetting her.

I've been in the baby-led weaning situation myself. As the grandma. Programmed by nurses of old to believe that babies choke to death at the sight of a solid piece of food.

(And other such stuff - there is no other branch of medicine I have experienced where advisers/practitioners are So Bl@@dy Sure That This Is The Truth one year, only to tanker- reverse 5 years later.)

So, I'd advise - cut her some slack, explain what you are doing and what the current thinking is, so that she knows you're not a novice going rogue.

The rest after that is you establishing boundaries with her as to how much interference you will put up with.
Good luck!

buttonousmaximous · 27/12/2024 18:52

Explain what you are doing and why send articles backing up the evidence. And if necessary ignore her and do your own thing

MarioLink · 28/12/2024 14:42

I think this will be at its worse while he's a baby as a lot has changed and feeding methods, getting babies to sleep etc gets people quite opinionated. I think you need to say something if you want to enjoy time with her whilst he is small though. Do it gently but it will upset her. The other option is seeing her less but I think she'd prefer to be told to wind in her 1980s/90s parenting advice.

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