Regret..

[RegretRegrets]

People say you never regret having children but honestly I regret it so much, if I knew I was going to be a single parent that is. I’ve tried to enjoy Xmas with them but all they did was moan that they didn’t get enough presents despite spending a fortune on them. If being a single parent was so great more people would do it but it’s still pretty unheard of through choice, people tend to only use donors when it’s a last resort. I don’t know if I truly regret it or just completely burnt out but I don’t enjoy being a parent at all and think I would feel different if I wasn’t a single parent. Can anyone else relate to the struggle? Christmas wasn’t enjoyable all I did was cook and clean all day and felt completely stressed even though I prepped as much as I could the night before I was still overwhelmed with it all.

Sorry to hear it, there’s so much bullshit societal pressure to enjoy Christmas even though it’s so expensive and added workload. How old are your DC?
You won’t feel this way forever, OP.
Can you put more emphasis on quality time together next year and help them understand that you’re not a one-woman cleaning cash machine? It has to come from you. They’re unlikely to pick up on the difficulties without it being spelled out.
Christmas has really lost its meaning now hasn’t it. Not a massive fan of it tbh.

They don’t care, it’s not just Xmas it’s all year round, they know I’m alone, their father doesn’t even contact them never mind buy them any presents and I have no family that buy for them either yet iPads, TVs, toys, weren’t enough apparently.

Honestly alot of people regret kids. The thing is once they're here that's it isn't it ? It's about teaching them manners. If my child starts being ungrateful they get privileges taken away. My ex wants to be his best mate. I do not.

Does the dad see the kids?
My ex does 30 PC and is quite crap but I just let him.get on with it.

No their father has zero contact with them but apparently I should be thankful about that.

What ages are they ?

I understand OP. Wish it was easy just to give them up for adoption and start fresh

Well I wouldn’t want to do that but if I had my time again I definitely wouldn’t have had children.

If their father was involved I would give them to him. I often wish I could be the NRP

How old are your children OP? Children by nature are entirely selfish and think little of others. Depending on their ages it may be time for a frank conversation with them (obviously not mentioning that you wished you hadn’t had them) that you are their only parent who is doing their best and they need to respect that fact. I think a lot of where this is coming from is that you aren’t getting a break
from them and you are knackered. I wish I had an easy answer but there isn’t. Do you have no family at all who could step in and help?

Op just to give you the other side of the coin, I didn't have kids and I regret it even though I didn't have much choice in a way. Christmas is lonely, I wish I had some kids moaning at me, wish I could see it through their eyes. DH works away. I spent the day with him and the rest totally alone which isn't as appealing as you might think when it becomes the norm. The grass isn't greener. I had to make a meal alone for DH and was stressed as have been ill and he doesn't help. It's all the same sh*t really when we're up against it. I hope I'm not being patronising by the way.

I was on my own till I had them and I preferred my old life as horrible as that sounds.

How old are your DCs?

13 down to 7 they are not bad kids nothing about this is due to their behaviour. They are just regular kids.

It’s sounds like you have more than 2? It is a struggle. I felt fine with1 but really have struggled with 2. Mine are very different personalities. Also I am not single but all the work and mental load falls to me. I yearn for my life when I was single and child free and it was so ouch more simple and I now I worry so much for them and feel like I am not getting it right.

I only had one child hes 22 this year i had him when i was very young glad i did.
I dont think i could cope with having a baby in my 40s and over like a lot do nowdays.
It will get better op try and make time for your self.

Fair enough. Just don't tell them that or let them know as it's pretty damaging. All the best to you op, as cliche as it is hang in there, everything passes.

And it's okay to say it's a struggle op. Can you ask family for support?

My family aren’t interested

There was a woman on here desperate for a baby by any means- Used a man for sperm whom she didn’t know.

Being a Divorced parent is hard enough , but children DO need Dads, especially boys.

It’s not popular in here to point this out, but a good male role model is SO important to boys especially.
( My son is an adult know and really said he was crying out for a male role model in his life ( His Dad was a bit Disney Dad)

He still sees him though ( son sees Dad)
Material things don’t really count for much.

It’s the attention and love and guidance they crave.

The children are probably pretty angry and hurt about that, knowing their Dad doesn’t give a shit about them.
What about the paternal in laws?
Don’t they care about their grandchildren?

You need to set clear rules with them ahead of any Xmas and bday about gratitude and what they do and don't say and the consequences of being rude and follow through with that.

You also need to think about what kind of Xmas you can manage next year. If you don't feel up to making a big traditional lunch that's ok - you can do pizzas and movies and board games and have a fun day like that! Make your own rules.

They are dead.

Why aren’t your parents interested?
It’s unusual for grandparents to be completely disinterested in their genetic offspring.

Step grandkids can get more of a raw deal though.

My father is also dead. It’s my mother that isn’t interested she’s only interested in my brother’s children. She was interested until his children were born now she isn’t.