When does Christmas get a bit nicer with kids?

[Needthehelp9]

We have a DD, she’s 2.5.

The first year she was 6 months old and I had PND so honestly just a blur but definitely not good for me. The second year she was 18m and completely overwhelmed and in meltdown central, and this year was slightly better but the lack of naps and her cousins excitement sent her absolutely loopy.

She didn’t sleep until 10pm on Christmas Day despite many efforts (we stayed at MIL for 2 nights as did older cousins who stayed up playing which she could hear). Then she was back up at 6:30 this morning.

Jesus, it’s just been really hard this year. We had pockets of lovely moments, but the tears, the tantrums. She was obviously knackered. I am. Exhausted.

Next year, 3.5. Any easier? I just feel like I’m surviving Christmas at the moment. So glad to be back in our own home tonight.

Next year is likely to be better and the year after really good IME.

My DC is 3.5 and this year was joyous. The anticipation and excitement was the best thing ever.

Maybe seek help for your mental health if you need it and I hope you have help as it sounds like your struggling.

Deffo.

at 3.5 there are no naps to worry about, no nappies, they can understand what is happening fully and much better able to cope with a late night etc.

dont get me wrong, kids are exhausting at any age but it will deffo be easier

I’m glad you’ve asked this as I’ve been thinking exactly the same with a 2.5 year old. Solidarity comrade.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. “Own home”. I’ve a 9 year old and a 2.2 year old. We have the rule, anyone can come to use but for Xmas day we keep the kids at home. Same environment and routine. We do visit people in the evening. Which sometimes we can stay hours until the kids drop but sometime only a couple as the kids are cranky. This age it’s so much overwhelm and build up toddlers just implode in my experience. I’d say 6+ it’s easier in regards to naps and tantrums.

We had pretty quiet Christmases so it's never been like this. Could you have a quiet one at home next year, or do you prefer to be with family?

Well, you have to have a strict plan and schedule and just stick to it. You have to say for example to the parents of the cousins, she's much younger, she needs to go to bed -please can yours keep it down while I get her to sleep? You have to let her have a treat like one more play before bed, then kiss everyone goodnight and go up, then you have to stay with her and sing her songs etc. until she's asleep. If the other kids are loud you have to call your spouse downstairs and say please make the others be quiet for a bit.

You have to be determined.

You can't expect to be chilling. You have to organise it so that you manage her energy.

Then it should be lovely. But be aware of overwhelm/burn out. Take time out with her on your own in whatever bedroom you're in and stroke her hair, get her to calm down, read her a story, etc.

It just needs careful management, imo.

Well it's easier if you don't do a Christmas that deprives her of sleep and means she shares the house with an older cousin who winds her up and who she can hear playing while you want her to go to sleep!

I don’t know, I’m still waiting. My eldest is about to turn 12 and she was up at 2am on Christmas and again at 5:30 and then got in a grump and woke the youngest up (who had already been awake twice between 3-5am). I literally only got 1.5 hours of sleep between the two of them. Then they fought all day because they were miserable and tired and still didn’t go to sleep until 11pm. I also have cancer and going through treatment and I was completely exhausted. I think it was almost easier when they were littler and their needs were a bit more simple.

Mine is 3 and three months - it's been ace, she's so into it all, really excited to go and see Santa but not old enough to wake up in the early hours and want to get up for her presents. She slept in until half 7!! She did get very silly and hard to handle towards the end of the day yesterday but put that down to an intense family day with too many presents. I think next year is going to be even better though!

I’ve been a mum for 16 years and still find it hard work at Christmas. Not because of my child necessarily but because there’s so much pressure and expectations and mums don’t seem to stop.

I think it’s best to keep routine as much as possible or they don’t eat or sleep properly for days.

I found that doing Christmas in our own home made everything easier.

Though also, getting the DCs out of the house and away from the festive circus indoors was great. It gave then a much needed reset to kick a ball around in the cold or go on a stick gathering expedition nature walk.

Thanks everyone, this gives me some hope!

We rotate each year so Christmas with my family one, Christmas with DH’s the next. I will try and at least host at our house next year for a bit more calm.. and my family are definitely calmer so hoping for a better one next year.

DH’s family are very much just let them go and go until they drop, lots of kids, the louder the better. The 6mo baby cousin was put to sleep on a blanket under the dining table, DD was doing laps of the kitchen island with 4yo cousin despite me physically trying to intervene, grandparents sneaking chocolates to them, it was utter carnage. DH did try to calm it all down, but it’s hard when you’re alone in a sea of madness. We did take her out for a walk in the pushchair a couple of times just to breathe.

I’m hugely introvert and really struggle at Christmas anyway, so I think I’m as burnt out as DD. She’s finally conked out and I’m hoping being back in her own bed and a quiet day tomorrow will reset everyone!

@mindutopia I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope you managed some Christmas joy in amongst it all ❤️

Stay at home! Give her a chance, of course she was overwhelmed if she was overstimulated, it was loud, busy, unusual food, loads of people. Have visitors but be at home, then she might enjoy it and you might enjoy her more.

My eldest is 5 and I’ve got a one year old and all of our Christmases have been brilliant, even the fucking awful covid one. Because we were at home, they could relax and enjoy their gifts, they could nap when they wanted.

Put yourself in her shoes, work out what she’ll be happy doing, build in chill time, stagger gifts it’s getting a bit much, embrace that life is different now and you can’t have a baby but hope or expect things to be as they were before kids!

Was just wondering same thing!

Decided we are hosting next year no more traipsing around out of routine etc. I won't mind cooking/cleaning up if it means DC gets some bloody sleep haha

Honestly... hated it last year. My daughter was 2.5 years old and it was not a fun age for me. This year however has been the best Christmas I have ever had. Stick it out. It will be Jan soon!

4-10 are the best years. But it's also important to have some routine, bedtime/meal times consistent

Thank you for this. Our LO is 15 months. He had silent reflux and CMPA and last xmas was HELL. This christmas was just very "whingy" and we had to take it in turns to eat dinner. Suppose I'm wondering when it gets a little more magical too.

Christmas at 3 years 10 months, including the month leading up to it, was probably the worst December ever. Tantrums, refusing to take part in any of the concerts/performances she'd prepared for, lots of hiding under the table and screeching at anyone who came close, like a cornered hyena. Christmas Eve itself, we were up until midnight getting everything done, and just as we put our heads on the pillow, DD woke up, and refused to go back to sleep until 5am. I got a total of 1 hour of sleep. She was horrendous and ungrateful all day, threw several toys and said she hated all of her presents. Talk about feeling like a failure!

This Christmas (4 years 10 months) she's been a delightful, if over-excited, angel. Grateful, happy and charming to everyone. Played the Angel Gabriel in her school Nativity and had everyone convinced. So I'd say 4. If you can get through 3.5 without dropping them off at a wildlife hospital and running.

To be honest, 6 was the first year it was genuinely enjoyable. She's old enough to understand the traditions, decorate the tree and keep herself occupied for a bit if you need to cook or clean. Up until now every year was trying (and failing) to get her to nap at the correct times, keeping her entertained for hours when it's too cold to go outside and everything is closed.

Ahh snap @Beadyeyes91! Ditto silent reflux and CMPA baby, and I’m sure it has made her a slightly angry person 🤣 but this Christmas was a marked improvement on the last which as you say, was a whingefest. Plus she outgrew her CMPA at 2 which meant a full Christmas of actual chocolate and dairy which has been amazing.

Genuinely thank you everyone, sometimes it’s just so nice knowing you aren’t alone 💖

Maybe next year be in your own home maybe with visitors but no one staying late or overnight

By the time kids are over 4 they can handle it better. At 6/7, they were the best years for me with mine.

DH and I have agreed this evening to host next year. We’ve travelled the last 3 years and it’s time for us to have a rest(?) I think!

We've tried the milk ladder twice and failed at steps 1 and then 2 so it's good to hear of others that have outgrown this!!! Thanks for reply ❤️

@Beadyeyes91 we tried and failed 4 times and then after her 2nd birthday she flew through it so there is defo hope - good luck!