Ex drove hungover with child

[SillyCoralPombear]

Just after some advice on what to do.

Ex picked up DD for contact a few days ago,, all good no issues.
he collected her again for a couple of hours today and mentioned that after he dropped her back off on the previous visit he spent the rest of the day sleeping because he was ‘delicate’ from the night before. I obviously don't know how much he had a drank etc however given that he was still hungover am guessing it was enough to still be over the drink drive limit. I didn’t say anything in the moment as DD was there and we always try to keep things amicable around her, but I am absolutely furious. I can’t understand why he didn’t just walk to pick her up/drop her off as it’s only about 20 minutes away.
I plan on addressing this with him however, a friend thinks I am overreacting and that I shouldn’t risk causing on argument over something so minor but I don’t see my child’s safety as something minor.

Basically, I am overreacting? And any advice on the best way to deal with this especially since his next contact with her is New Year’s Day it’s making me nervous.

You can be hungover without being over the limit.

He was hungover not drunk, how ridiculous.

I am aware of that, however after being in a relationship for several years with him I am fully aware of how much he can drink without being hungover the next day. If he had a hangover he drank A LOT.

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You can’t know OP if he was over. But he clearly judged he wasn’t so what can you do?

You're asking for advice so my advice to you would be to do the driving yourself since he drinks heavily and you can never be sure that he isn't over the legal limit for driving. It simply isn't a safe position to put your child in

You can't do anything and saying something will just get his back up.

You can always suggest you do the drop off/pick ups if he's feeling rough - don't make it about being hungover though, just say something like you're happy to bring DD over if he's not feeling 100%

Only an idiot drives hungover, over the limit or not. No way are you sharp and fast to react. You don't know who is driving over the limit, especially this time of year.

I appreciate that I can’t confirm that he was definitely over but like I’ve mentioned in another post I am aware of how much he can drink without getting a hangover so I would be very surprised if he wasn’t. My main issue is god forbid he done it again and anything bad happened especially with DD in the car I would never forgive myself for not addressing it.

On that basis, would you not drive whilst ill with a cold or a headache?

Give him a breathalyser and say you know you're being paranoid but before he drives with DC could he please check he's not over because *some plausible scenario that happened to a friend over Christmas.

You can get home breathalyser sticks - if he insists he's still OK to drive, ask him to prove it and hand one over then and there. He's a bloody fool, but he might be stupid rather than deliberately reckless and not realise he's still over the limit.

Whilst I disagree with PP, that’s not really the same.

I would put the concerns in writing again and ask him to purchase an at home breath tester and reassure you that he will not drive her when hungover again as this could potentially put her at risk if he is over the limit.

That's all you can do apart from witholding contact unless supervised and waiting to go to court

Thanks for you advice everyone. I think this is going to be the best option. I didn’t know home breath tests where a thing so will definitely suggest that. Like another poster has said I don’t think it’s more stupidity than being reckless but At least if I put my concerns in writing if it happens again I have evidence that this was something we had already spoken about.

Hangovers are your body recovering from literally being poisoned.

I always find it odd that people will search for something to compare as some sort of gotcha for them taking a risk with theirs and their kids lives. If you're going to drive the next day, then don't drink to excess. It's 1+1 stuff.