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Parenting

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Parenting teens through divorce process

5 replies

RHC76 · 26/12/2024 18:12

Hi. I’m going through a really difficult divorce with an ex who has cheated, lied and has piles of hidden debts. He’s no longer living with us but has regular contact with the children. It’s really impacted my relationship with my three teenagers. They have gone from being close to me to really distant and unkind over night. I can’t do anything right and they read anything I say as criticism. Meanwhile the sun shines out of my husband. I’m trying not to compare as I know it’s not helpful but I’m so incredibly hurt by the way they behave towards me, which doesn’t help. I’m alone in the UK as I’m not originally from here so have no support to step in and help me out. I’m ashamed to say that I am starting to really dislike them at the moment. They do nothing to help out round the house except begrudgingly if asked. I have sat them down and talked to them about the need to pitch in a bit more as I can’t do it all by myself with no help. This has just meant they hide in their bedrooms more and avoid the common areas of the house. I genuinely don’t think I was as selfish as they are when I was growing up. I came from a big family too and we just accepted that being part of a family was everyone helping out. I’m tired, miserable and defeated by it right now. They complain a lot about things - eg yesterday they said it didn’t feel very Christmassy after I busted my a* all day long to make it Christmassy for them. I know they are only kids but it was my first Christmas without my husband too and it’s like they don’t care what that might feel like for me. I’m expected to just suck it up and worry about them and their feelings I never thought I’d feel dislike for my own children and I feel so sad that this is how I feel right now. I’m struggling not to burst in to tears a lot at the moment. Has anyone been through this and come out the other side with good relationships with their kids once again?

OP posts:
Notenoughcoffe · 26/12/2024 22:39

I am sorry they are treating you so hard, it must be a really difficult time for all of you.
Yes mine did it also. I was the one wanting the divorce and I guess it was fair they were angry. Now 2 years later they are lovely again and we just had the best Christmas.
In your case, I would focus more on myself and stop working your ass of to please Them.
I hope you all have a lovely 2025.

RHC76 · 28/12/2024 00:02

Yes I know I need to focus on myself but it’s so hard to know what I like anymore after years of being a wife and mum first. I also feel really afraid sometimes that we’ll never connect again like we used to.

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ikeepforgetting · 28/12/2024 00:10

I can't offer advice but just solidarity as I am going through very similar. I have two teenage DC and going through divorce from their cheating dad. They rarely see him though and have just kind of disconnected in general, but still have fun with their friends and are doing ok at school. I figure if all that is ok, I will just be there, show up, all the cliches, until we figure out how to be a unit of 3. it's hard though, I get it

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ikeepforgetting · 28/12/2024 00:12

Plus I think that firsts - like first Xmas - they feel it more than they show. Mine were overwhelmed and stayed in their rooms most of the day. Sounds like yours moaned their way through the day/ Maybe their way of showing that they were down/sad/pissed off with how things are now?

RHC76 · 28/12/2024 18:25

Thank you for sharing and showing solidarity. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. Mine are seeing him regularly and in some ways part of me is grateful that they can forgive him so easily and move on into their new relationship - the part of me that’s a mum and wants what is best for them. The other part - the woman who is sad and hurting - finds it so hard that I get left with all the grumps and passive aggressive anger at the situation. I guess I am accepting now that as a mum I’m in it for the long haul and just gave to ride out these difficult times as best I can and try to offer them support in whatever form they need- currently that just seems to be they want be to carry on all the household stuff and not bother them by showing any upset. It’s hard though.

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