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Parenting

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Original poster

What should I do with my son (aged 6) who bunked the afternoon off school

21 replies

ReallyTired · 01/05/2008 19:50

I got a telephone call from my son's school asking me to pick him up. Apparently he was wretching and felt sick. I left work and picked him up from school.

When my son got home he did not look remotely sick. In fact he was happy and full of beans. He wanted to gardening.

I told him that sick boys did not play in the garden and he needed to rest. At 2.30pm he told me that him being sick was a joke and the reason he had pretended to be sick was to avoid the bullies at lunch time.

I told him that bunking off school was not acceptable even if his reasons were understandable. I also made him sit down for two hours and do lots and lots of work sheets printed off the internet.

I am going to write to his teacher and tell her precisely what has happened and why. Do you think I am being mean?

OP posts:

ranting · 01/05/2008 19:53

No, if he is being bullied, you really need to tell the teacher so that she can do something about it. Ask for a meeting, it's quite rare for a 6 year old to want to bunk off school for no reason, so that makes me think he probably is being bullied.
The school needs to be alerted to the situation.

southeastastra · 01/05/2008 19:53

no not at all, something is obviously worrying him and i'd want to get to the bottom of it too.

my ds(14) did the same today and i'm wondering why.

harpsichordcarrier · 01/05/2008 19:54

why are you writing to her? to get him into trouble?
then yes, you are being mean.
he is six, in ?Y1 ?Y2? - he needs your support and guidance and help.
it is a pretty bad situation if he can't tell you or his teachers the truth and has to lie to get away from "bullies" at lunchtime.
I think I would speak to his teacher (not write to her) and discuss his reasons for leaving and see how that can be resolved.
I think coming down hard on him at home and emphasising that he must not lie in the future needs to be carefully combined with listening to his concerns and trying to resolve them with him and the school

MamaG · 01/05/2008 19:54

No, not mean at all. I agree that you need to sort out the potential bullying, nip it in the bud

good luck

ChirpyGirl · 01/05/2008 19:55

Do you think he is telling the truth about the bullies? If so then you should speak to his teacher about that, not to get him into trouble but so they can keep an eye. If he is being bullied bad enough for him to pretend to be ill then they need to sort it out.

On the other hand I can understand that you are rightfully cross about having to leave work to get him but I do think what you have said and making him do work is enough.

Original poster

ReallyTired · 02/05/2008 17:27

His teacher and I are on the same side. We both want him to be happy at school and to make good progress. Contray to popular belief teachers are not faceless monsters out to make small boys' life hell. Teachers are not easily shocked by the fact that small boys often do silly things.

The school knows about the bullying. Telling the school what has happened is part of a partnership. I think its good that the school know that he did a bunk. Telling the school has highlighted how desperate my son has been to get away from the bullies.

The school have not punished him as has already been punished at home. They are trying to stop the bullying.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 02/05/2008 17:30

when mine are sick or pretending to be sick they have to go to bed, that's the rule. Because if you're too sick for school, then you're too sick for watching TV/playing etc.

That said, I think it was quite brave of him to admit to the real reason he was off and I probably wouldn't punish him at all .

Don't write to his teacher - have a word with her. The bully stuff has obviously not been tackled if he feels the way he does.

foxinsocks · 02/05/2008 17:32

actually, I think he was quite sensible . I think I'd see this as a sign that the school needs to do a bit more and would not be cross with him at all.

chamaeleon · 02/05/2008 17:33

poor kid

i would not punish him. i would make him do school work but i would not say it was a punishment, i would just make him do whatever he should have been doing at school. i would probably not send my child back to school if he was so unhappy there, clearly they have not stopped the bullying.

Blandmum · 02/05/2008 17:35

Let them know about the bullies, but yes, I would 'snitch' on him.

I've had this with dd and I told her that if she does this sort of thing, eventually people will stop believing her when she actually is ill.....crying wolf and all that.

Blandmum · 02/05/2008 17:35

Let them know about the bullies, but yes, I would 'snitch' on him.

I've had this with dd and I told her that if she does this sort of thing, eventually people will stop believing her when she actually is ill.....crying wolf and all that.

juuule · 02/05/2008 17:44

If the school already know about the bullying then the fact that your ds felt he needed to do this to avoid the bullies seems to imply that the school haven't done enough to make him feel safe. If he had told the truth at school, what do you think would have happened? As it is, he is 6yo and thought of a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation. He was able to go home. He has told you the truth once out of the situation and he felt safe. I wouldn't have punished him.
I would tell the school what has happened and I would want to know what they are doing to help. I would also let my ds know that he must tell me or someone if he has any more problems with the bullying.

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 17:45

reallyTired, i dont think you are being mean at all. I am incredably sad for your little lad to feel like he had to do something quite extreme to avoid the bullies. Definately write to the teacher, they should know that there is something going on and they should adress it

juuule · 02/05/2008 17:45

I wouldn't write to the teacher, I would go in and talk to her.

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 17:46

doesn't sound like they are trying enough!!

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 17:48

Bullies ruined my school life and are probably responsible for my self esteem issues as an adult. DON'T let this become a chronic problem. The school are clearly being too soft with the bullies else it woudlnt be continuing. It makes me so the way that the school "tries to see both sides " etc, i know you havent said that this is the case, but they have to be so PC - the children at school are making your sons life miserable, dont be fobbed off. If its not sorted, i would be stamping my feet

Original poster

ReallyTired · 02/05/2008 18:21

I work full time, it is hard getting an appointment with my son's teacher. I have written the letter so that she would know about the problem ASAP. My husband is trying to make an appointment to see the deputy head.

OP posts:

edam · 02/05/2008 18:24

Oh good, glad you are taking this further. Do make sure he isn't so punished that he's reluctant to tell you about any further episodes of bullying. Poor little sausage. I think it's actually quite positive that he told you. School MUST make him feel safe, that's a priority. That means actually stopping the bullying, not fannying about.

seeker · 02/05/2008 18:27

Don't make an appointment - go into the school on Monday morning and don't leave until you've seen at least the Deputy Head, if not the Head. If this is bullying it needs to be taken urgently and seriously, and your ds needs to know that you are taking it urgently and seriously. This is not a time for letters!

lucyellensmum · 02/05/2008 18:46

RT - i think you have done the right thing, no good ranting at the teacher first thing in the morning, which is what i would probably do - Just make sure that you make it crystal clear in the letter that you expect this to be dealt with swiftly. seeing the head is the way to go - maybe try and get an after school/evening appointment, they surely must have to make allowances for working parents, DDs school always happy to meet after school.

Good luck, and just one thing - seeker probably not a good idea for RTs hubby to be at the school gates on monday - hes bound to be in for a long wait, what with it being bank holiday and all

seeker · 02/05/2008 18:55

Well, I do believe in being first in the queue.....

You may have saved my children from being outside the gates, lunchbox in hand.......

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