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Violence and Defiance Daily

2 replies

Findingthe · 22/12/2024 01:16

I'm looking for some advice. I have 3 kids, 3, 5 and 16. I recently separated from their violent father who was also a child abuser. When I found out what he was doing to them I immediately phoned police and the scum is in jail. But I felt so dreadful I gave my children everything they could ever want that I could provide.
But the backlash is now I cannot control the 2 young ones. I am being beaten, attacked, hair ripped out multiple times a day, told they hate me and the youngest says he will stab me and wants me dead.

It's impossible to go to the shops even for medicine without the public intervening to help wrestle him into the car or round the kids up. I'm totally isolated as he attacks other children and adults viciously and the 5 year old throws extreme tantrums.

If you can imagine 2 children that refuse to cooperate with ANYTHING! School, nursery, meals, bed, bath... every single thing is a full on fight and it's killing me. It's like living the domestic violence all over again. Reward charts are useless as they simply don't care, taking things away is useless as they value nothing. They seem hell bent on destroying everything.

I know I've made the mistake and I've tried so many things to fix this as school and work is falling apart and I can't sleep, cook, go out or stay in, I'm at breaking point. What can I do??

OP posts:
Fraaances · 22/12/2024 05:31

They are angry at the wrong person. Or maybe they are angry because you didn't "rescue them" sooner.... Are they receiving counselling? Kids aren't as able to process their feelings as well as we are. They don't have the language skills or the concept of the range of the emotions they are feeling. They just know they ARE feeling them. You need to talk to the school and take them to the GP and you need urgent referrals for help. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact you should take pride in getting the help your kids need as soon as possible. Keep fighting for them.

Silvertulips · 22/12/2024 05:35

I agree with the above and I would add that they and in fight mode, they are scared and attack is a form of defense.

The cycle is broken and they don’t know it.

Speak to your GP, ring social services, and any other professional and get them seen.

They want boundaries but aren’t ready to accept them.

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