Does he not get to have them EOW because it may be chickenpox?

[BEBEFINN1]

I’d appreciate opinions on this, especially from those who share care with their children’s dad EOW or every other weekend.

Two toddlers aged 2 & 3. As usual, there seemed to be some sort of bug/virus going around the nursery and a lot of the kids had a temperature. One of my kids picked up a temperature and I was called in to collect her earlier this week. She went back in the next day and since then has been fine.

For the past two days though, I’ve noticed these small spots on DDs leg and today, I saw that they were also on her hands. I took her to the local pharmacist for advice and they said it could be chickenpox. However, as the spot’s weren’t itching DD and the spots are very dry (as opposed to watery or something like that!), there’s nothing to do except for keep an eye over her. If she also develops a temperature as well as itching over the next day or so, then come back into the pharmacy.

DC’s dad has said that he’s not having both children this weekend if one of them potentially has chickenpox. I think that ill or not, they go as usual and he looks after them. For those that share care, what would you do in the situation??

Selfish git. He doesn't only get the nice parts of parenting

Tho saying that

Poorly kids usually want mummy so if they did may be worth keeping at home

It may not be cp. usually starts on trunk

Sigh. Mine did this a lot including if he was unwell in any way (whereas obviously I just cracked on). When my children became teens they saw it for what it was, asked him why he did it and he changed his behaviour when they called him out.

You’ll have people say things like ‘why spread illness’ or ‘children want their mum when sick’. Both of these may be true but when you’re single parenting, the injustice of it feels so unfair. He gets to opt out and you don’t - even though you most likely wouldn’t want to opt out. It’s extremely frustrating, I’m sorry.

Chicken pox might go on for 2 weeks - or potentially a whole month if your 2 year old just catches it after your 3 year old has just recovered. By which time they will probably be onto the next bug! Children aren't usually all that unwell with chicken pox either so should be fine to go. Has he had chicken pox? If he has there's literally no reason not to send them. I would still send them when poorly, with an exception for vomiting bugs which are highly contagious and typically over very quickly. That said 2 and 3 is very young, if one is very sick e.g. high temperature it might be helpful to split them up and one of them stay with one parent for a bit of TLC and the well one stay with the other parent for a more fun/active weekend.

Probably also do need to make some considerations if he is with someone who is pregnant, e.g. see them in an air BnB for the weekend to not put her baby at risk

More likely to be hand foot and mouth given where the spots are. CP usually presents in the torso area

If he'd never had chicken pox himself, or was planning to take the DC with him to visit elderly and vulnerable relative then fine to make allowances.

Likewise if they were already bedbound in your house and it seemed unfair to move them.

Otherwise, it's just parenting, crack on.

Does he have a partner? Could she be pregnant? That would be a valid reason but perhaps not wanting to share the news

Does he have sores in his mouth. Hand foot and mouth gets mistaken for CP.
Does he realise if they catch stuff one after the other he won't see them for many weeks. He should be prepared to look after sick kids too.

It doesn’t seem like hand, foot and mouth but I’ll monitor the spots and see how she is.

For their dad, there’s no partner and he definitely wasn’t going to take the kids to visit older relatives. He genuinely said that he doesn’t need to have them when they’re sick and they should just stay at home.

Meanwhile I’m exhausted from the week of nursery runs and I’m just meant to crack on all the way until the 28th when he’ll potentially have them next. Sigh

this website to check rashes/spots was recommended to me by a great portland street kids dermatologist:
DermDiag