Tips to raise a confident child?

[Iamsunshineinabag]

I was a really shy child. Both my parents were/are really extroverted and were constantly on at me to join in, talk to people, make friends with kids I didn't know etc. It clearly never helped because I still get the dread when I meet new people at age 31 😂
And socialising aside I very much lack self confidence, always doubt myself, think I'm rubbish yada yada.

My daughter is 3 and seems to be a lot like me. Unlike my mum, I never force her into situations she feels uncomfortable with and let her take some time to come out of her shell with new people/at parties, that kind if thing. But I'd love for her to have more confidence in herself than I do - without being forceful is there anything I can do to give her this? Or is it just down to personality?

I think a lot is down to personality. I'm also fairly shy, and DS is the polar opposite. Super confident/outgoing/effortlessly popular among kids and adults. No idea how 😂

He was in FT childcare early on (I'm a single mum and had to go back to work) ~ that may have had something to do with it? He also does a lot of extra curriculars which I'm sure helps but it's also a bit 'which came first, chicken/egg' because he loves being around people/organised fun, which is why he's signed up for so much!

She’s still very young! I’m not sure there’s much you can do to raise a socially confident child, other than ensuring they have a wide circle of friends not just at school but in clubs. Sports are a great way of learning to be part of a team.

Both of mine were very shy as children but, as they’ve got older, their confidence generally has grown. I try not to helicopter parent and I let them take risks. Climbing trees, swimming in the sea, sleeping in tents in the garden. Doing things that scare them.

They’ve also both had paper rounds since age 13 which has instilled a good work ethic and helped them learn to interact with members of the public.

My eldest is quite reserved and shy. Her little sister is extremely extroverted and confident. Very little difference in the way they were brought up except I encouraged the older one’s friendships a lot more.
i personally think confidence is mainly innate / genetic although I agree it gets better with age

A good school where there are many opportunities to perform, present etc can help a lot. Choirs, drama.

I’ve seen a lot of pediatricians talk about how building resilience (here is a helpful poster I've often seen pediatricians share: imgur.com/a/qokLsNJ) through everyday experiences goes a long way. And honestly, just keeping communication open and really listening when your child shares how they feel makes a huge difference. Knowing they’re heard and supported gives them the security to take little steps out of their comfort zone at their own pace.

You need to model it. You can’t force or cajole them into it. You can see that didn’t work with you as you said you aren’t very confident.

Really you need to find it in yourself and model that behaviour for them. Speak up for yourself. Set boundaries. Chat to people (even if you hate it, I hate small talk with other parents). And nurture their friendships. Have friends over. Support them in trying new things. Stand up for them when someone is acting like a jerk. When they see how it’s done, they’ll learn how to do it themselves.

It’s important to know as well that you don’t have to be extroverted to be confident. I’m very much an introvert. I prefer my own company. I prefer to stay at home. I find people quite draining. But I can walk into a room and handle any situation. I can speak up for myself. I can set healthy boundaries. I can talk to anyone. I can speak in front of 500 people. I would just prefer a solo holiday to a girls weekend and a book to going clubbing.