Feeling guilty- not spending quality time with DS2 -am I normal? bit long sorry

[Holymoly321]

DS1 is 2.5yrs and DS2 is coming up to 6mths. Past couple of days I've been feeling very down- feeling bad that I'm not able to spend the same type of time with DS2 that I did with DS1. With DS1, we had lots of time to do stuff like music groups etc, but with all the things I have to do with him now he's a toddler, DS2 just has to 'fit in'. Idon't get to spend as much time playing with him exclusively becasue of DS2 and I'm finding it all very hard. Plus, I hate that DS2 hears me shouting (at DS1 when he starts to play up as all toddlers do!) as DS1 obiviously never heard me shouting when he was a baby because I didn't have a toddler causing mayhem at the same time! I also feel so tired all the time - am still bf'ing DS2 and he still has at least one feed anihgt. He doesn't sleep well during the day and is in the 'I want to sit with and be held by mummy all day but won't sit still so I'm just going to fidget' stage which is really draining. Sorry if I've bored everyone. but just had to get this down. I'm hoping these are all normal feeling when you've got a toddler and a baby!

SOunds like you are very tired and have your hands full with your two babies. This is entirely normal, to be expeected even and so are your anxieties. The age gap between my DDs is about the same as yours and I can promise you, it does get easier.
I wouldn't feel any guilt about your DS2 - yes, second children get less one-to-one time with mummy but they get all the benefits of having an older sibling plus the constant stimulation of being draggeda round their sibling's activities, eg, playgroups etc. I even think that second children perhaps benefit from not being the primary and sole focus of thei parents' anxieties etc. My DD2 is much more laid-back and self-possessed than DD1 and I'm a second child and think I had/have an easier time of it than my older sis.

But you sound exhausted - are you getting any help at all? Will your DD1 start nursery soon? starting my DD1 a couple of mornings in nursery when she was 2.3 was a great help.

thanks staranise - I think DS2 is steething alittle bit too at the mo which makes everything worse! DS2 does go to nursery a couple of mornings a week and though I plan to just have 'baby time' with DS2, stuff like food shopping, washing etc all get in teh way! I know that DS2 won't know any different, but it's the fact that I know different that is gutting...

I always feel more guilty about DD1 as she gets the brunt of my tiredness and impatience - I still tend to blame her for any bad behaviour while excusing DD2, even though she is now 2 years old and not really a baby any longer!
I'm sure both your DSs will be fine, it's you that needs some time out by the sound of it. Have you got a cleaner? That saved my life when DD2 came along.

fg, it's entirely normal you poor thing, I went through all this quite recently with a roughly similar age gap and am just beginning to emerge from the tunnel. Staranise is right, I can see a much more confident (ahem) child as a result of not being fussed over all the time. They don't need music groups, they need to be with their families doing whatever day-to-day business has to be done. Sounds like you need a break, if anyone can take your ds2 off your hands for just a couple of hours a week it might help a lot

thanks guys - rationally I know you're all right and that it will get easier, even just when DS2 can sit up by himself, it' s just that it's hard when you're living it. I will try and get some \me time\ asap!