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Parenting

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Mental health of 23 year old son?

2 replies

Queenie97 · 19/12/2024 13:13

I have a 23 year old son who I am worried about. He has a physical disability that is immediately recognisable but otherwise he can lead a completely normal life. He has never been particularly outgoing and probably lacks self confidence but he has been two years out of university now and has never had a job. Unfortunately he spends most of his time in his room and occasionally visits his friends, in their homes and occasionally goes out with them. However he never makes any effort to make the plans himself, he always tags along with his friends and will often turn down social events with them if it means putting himself out.

Although he says that he is looking for work, and we are always sending him vacancies, we assume his is applying but he really doesn't seem to be putting in much effort in at all.

How long would you give him to try and sort himself out? He's 23 and never earned any proper income. Still, he does receive disability allowance so has a little income but otherwise he lives under our roof at our expense.

One of my biggest dilemmas is I worry that he may be suffering with his mental health and that is what is stopping him stepping out into the world. I have tried to approach the subject with him but he just dismisses this as nonsense and that he is quite happy with this current existence.

I should add that I also have concerns that he may be showing signs of being on the autism spectrum.

I'm struggling to know what to do for the best 😔.

OP posts:
username299 · 19/12/2024 13:17

The best thing you can do is give him an ultimatum and tell him to get a job. It will get him out of his room and give him a routine.

pjani · 19/12/2024 14:11

Sometimes supporting someone into independence is the best thing you can do for their mental health. You want someone not just to 'not have mental health problems' but to thrive, to be independent, to live a life of their own that they can be proud of.

I would give him 6 months to get a job and his own room in a share house, or similar. You could pay the deposit for the room. It could be the absolute making of him. You'd want to share it when calm, in the kindest possible way. You are not being mean. You are supporting his independence and showing him you know that he can do it.

Though it's obvious how much you care for and love him, allowing him to live at home with no job at 23, is not setting him up for life. Good luck.

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