First time mum and Christmas overwhelm

[roseandstay]

Hi, I’m a first time mum to my 17 month old.
I’ve always liked to feel organised for specific events and times of the year before being a mum but the general overwhelm and brain overload as a mum at Christmas and family times is ALOT! I work part time, my DS is at nursery and my partner works full time but he is supportive and helps when he can, we’ve had a cleaner but the house never stays tidy/clean and I feel like I have lists upon lists upon lists of things I need to sort, family to see, bits to buy, wrap, organise.. and wow I am so grateful to have those privileges but I want to be able to stay on top of it all, navigate these times and not burn out because I get so stressed and irritable and snappy!
I feel like everyone’s answer is always “do what you can and it’s enough” which yes… but also, things genuinely need to get done and sorted and organised. Does anyone have any really useful tips to staying sane over the Christmas period? Keeping on top of general household tasks, getting everyone ready and out the house for specific events and avoiding couple arguments!! Thank you!

I would look at who you are buying presents for. Years ago I asked friends if we could stop gifting at Christmas because I was so overwhelmed and instead meet up for a nice meal at a later date. For families I usually buy a nice box of chocolates and a gift voucher for a day out.
Otherwise I often see if a gift is suitable for a few people. This year I'm buying quite a few people a travel mug that keeps warm in the car with a USB cable.
As for the wrapping that's just going to be white paper bags in various sizes with fancy bow and nametag stapled to the top.

I think it's ok to say to people that you are feeling very overwhelmed with a small child.
Even if you say just for this year you're going to take it easy and do bit less.
I remember the exhaustion myself and I cared too much about trying g to be perfect and do everything right. If I had to do it all again I would put myself first and rest when I could.

Agree on cutting down on who you buy for and how much you buy. Also start buying early, wrap as you go and give vouchers. We all have too much crap anyway.
Also try and do less events as at your LO doesn't need to be doing loads at their age. Can you see some people in January instead to space things out?

I do 99% of Christmas stuff in our house which I actually like BUT that's not the way it has to be. If you need DH to do more just tell him. If you can't trust him to do stuff then he takes LO out for an afternoon so you can get sorted!

Unfortunately the best way to cope with Christmas is to be a bit of a grinch.
As everyone has said stop doing unnecessary gifts. Just stick to family. Let DH sort gifts for his side. Don’t try and see everyone. Pick a couple of catch ups and activities and leave it that. Diarrhoea is a fantastic excuse to not go to things. Don’t worry about cleaning the house, it won’t stay clean.

Keep it simple, a Xmas tree, a roast dinner, and a couple of presents each for everyone. If that’s too much scrub the dinner and order in a Chinese takeaway. Pull the Xmas crackers over fried rice and fortune cookies. You are in charge of how you celebrate Christmas. It’s supposed to be a day of celebration, not some triathlon.

Your child is still young enough to not really understand what's going on, so scale everything right back. They don't need loads of presents, you don't need to drag them to a million places on one day.
Just keep it simple and quiet. And make sure DH is pulling his weight. Don't get involved in presents for his family.

I agree with all the above! Think about what is causing you stress and whether you could stop doing it or ask DH to do it. It's normal to buy less for the adults in your life once you have children to buy for.

Okay, so I love Christmas and have no 'just cut back' tips (though I definitely should)! But here's some bits I've started to do since having DS that's proved really useful - not for everyone though 😂

I make a list just after Christmas every year of people I'll need to give gifts to the following year in the notes tab of my phone. It's normally a bit fresher that way as you'll remember anyone you forgot until the last minute etc. You can obviously add to it if you think of someone/cut someone out if you need to along the way. Then throughout the year if I think of something/see something I know they'll love I add the link to the tab.

Order everything in mid-November/Black Friday. If you've thought of something for the person, great. If not, gift card. You can always jazz up the gift card (I like doing Cineworld gift card + couple bags of popcorn + magic stars = family day out!) but don't spend ages looking for the right gift.

Buy a load of gift bags. When all your packages arrive, set aside a few hours to go through them all, empty them into the bags, and write names on the tags. Much faster in bulk than doing it one at a time. Group the gifts by coloured gift bags depending on when you see everyone - so if you're seeing Sister/BIL/Niece/Nephew together, put all their gifts in snowflake bags, so you know to grab all of that pattern when running out the door (this may be OTT but I'm pretty visual and it works for me!)

In terms of time - I wait til the beginning of December and everything important is in the calendar, and then I block out 'home time' - at least 1/2 a day every weekend and one evening a week, where we'll say no to any plans and spend time at home. Christmas at home should be magical too, and you don't want any home memories being of burnt out moments between activities!

Household tasks, it's obviously dependent on budget but I try to eat out a fair amount in December so there's less washing up (even things like grabbing Christmas meal deals on the way home and having a car picnic rather than eating when we get in). Something I find helps massively is when the tree goes up, it goes in the corner where DS normally has his toys - so he knows they all go up to his room bar 1 basketful. So much less daily tidying!

Mmmmm, it's tricky because the obvious answer isn't always the one you want to hear. It's a symptom of a capitalist society that Christmas has become stressful. I think the way to counter that is to cut the commercial crap and to try and find joy in little things.

Single mum with a 10 month old. I put up a 3 ft Christmas tree 1st of December. It's made the house feels cosy and I love reading to DD in the mornings by fairy lights. We have a fabric advent calendar. I have just stuck a finger puppet in each pocket and a QR code for a Xmas song. Every morning we listen to the song and put the puppet on the tree. Our Christmas tree is decorated with farm animals? But it's fun and not stressful. I ordered some Christmas pyjamas off vinted, that's been a nice, low effort not to Christmas. I also bought some almond Italian biscuits (the kind for coffee, I forgot the name). So far very little effort but definitely feeling festive. I have bought about 10 gifts for DD which is more than I had planned but they are also things she needs. I wrapped them whilst she was sleeping and it was actually fun. Only other person I have bought a present for is my dad who I will see on Xmas day and my best friend who lives abroad (I sent her a care package all online - Atlantic Blankets is a fantastic company with excellent customer service and does international shipping). Other than that, I wrote Xmas cards for everyone. Xmas dinner won't be anything fancy. Basically just a roast with a couple of extras. I went to our usual baby groups with a Christmas theme. We have looked at the Xmas lights on our walk. I'm planning to go to Christine on Xmas eve - not religious but I think it will be nice. Went to a Christmas market for like 30 mins which was on our doorstep. Oh and then one wine tasting with the girls 'champers and pampers'. I don't feel like any of that really changed much in our routine. I still do the housework like normal. We picked some Christmas books from the library. It's all just een pretty chilled.

So that's our Christmas. Simple and low key. Its ok to say no to things. You don't have to buy presents for everyone outside the family. I think next year I will do some baking for neighbours and friends. This year it was just Christmas cards as it is my first year in this area and I didn't have time for baking. 🤷

Just try and enjoy time with your family and switch off from social media x

Ps. Don't want this to come across as preachy...just sharing what we are doing in case if helps someone 😊

Get a note book and write it all down and then get it back out next year. I used to write my card list every year and yesterday I remembered the cousins AGAIN! Next year it will be on the list....

I wrote out timetables for everything too and lists of gifts, menus, shopping lists

Too late for this year but take a look at Team Tom and Gemma's Organised Christmas.
It's a cleaning account largely but there's a Christmas count down starting in September. Leading up to 1 December when everything is done and dusted and you can enjoy the run in with everything sorted (or at least nearly everything!)

I genuinely think social media over hypes Christmas prep and Christmas activities so much that it can drive one into a frenzy. So it's good to just take a step back and think what your child actually needs. At 17 months it really isn't much in terms of Christmas stuff.

I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed by December this year. I haven’t in recent years but some years it just gets to you. It can be a stressful time of year so accept it for what it is. I reckon you will probably still have a fabulous day and relax into it and look forward to a quiet Jan with more downtime.

Genuinely, there isn't enough time to do everything you want for Christmas when you have a young child/children. Something needs to give but you can choose what that is, or start prepping for next Christmas in july. Like others have said, making a list of stuff for this year will help next year. My youngest is now 11 and I am just starting to have enough time to do nice Christmas stuff like write some Christmas cards and make a door wreath and do some baking.
It might help if you take a little while (I appreciate this will be virtually impossible with a 17 month old).to have a think about what Christmas is really about for you and your family and what you want you and your child to get from this time of year and work backwards from that. For us, it turned out that it is about spending proper quality time with people that we love. Which means I don't worry too much about the food or the decorating as those are less important.

I've only wrote one Christmas card so far and I'm perfectly happy with that.
Honestly, you need to stop thinking you "have" to do all kinds. Explain to friends and family you're simplifying - anyone that matters won't mind, and anyone that minds doesn't matter!!! In fact, most will probably be relieved as gives them a chance to scale back too.