How to help anxious 6 year old

[AnxiousDS5]

DS has always been quite sensitive but the last 6 months his anxiety has really ramped up.

Some days are better than others but in general he hasn't spent a full night in his room for months, he'll always come in the night and lie on a makeshift bed next to us.

He says he is scared, usually of something he has seen on TV. He says he can't get the images out of his head (they're usually pretty basic, non-scary things).

We had a few weeks where he wouldn't be in a room on his own and just followed us around, or need the lights on in every room. He's better with this now and will go upstairs on his own.

He is very anxious about doing well at school and gets upset very easily if he gets something wrong (e.g. when drawing at home).

He's also quite anxious about things he learns at school (e.g. the war and people dying), he will often ask how old I will be when he's such and such age, trying to figure out when I will die.

I am not sure if it is still within the realms of normal / age and stage or if I shouldseek help? He's well adjusted and thriving in every other way, runs into school excited every day, has lots of friends, does lots of activities etc.

But I really want to help him. I remember being anxious as a child and my dad shouting at me to get over myself, and my mum spending endless hours reassuring me. Not sure either worked, ideally I'd like to gently build his confidence to face his fears.

Any tips welcome

I hate to be the one to say it but homeschool. Or deal with ongoing mental health issues and anxiety based health complaints. Ask me how I know.

My DS was very similar at that age. Maybe not to the same degree but had a lot of the same concerns. We reassured, provided a safe space, gave him mechanisms to help cope..a diary to write his concerns in for instance.
In our son's case he was very anxious around older children but loved football and we encouraged this hobby as it meant he met lots of other children outside of his usual sphere. This helped so much with transition to secondary as he knew a lot of the 'new' children already.
He's still a sensitive child but I think this age was particularly heightened and was a phase that he got through.

Breathing techniques, yoga, calming music, nice audible stories at night in her room, doing practical things that take her out of her head and increase physical awareness. Cooking, swimming, art, craft, gardening, DIY, outdoor play, walks. Also with some of your own worries, express how you feel, why and what you will do about it to resolve. If you make mistakes, laugh about it. Role model

Some of this sounds age appropriate. Kids become more aware of death which can prompt a lot of worry.

Not wanting to sleep in a room alone is not uncommon. Modern sleep arrangements are very new in human history, kids usually shared rooms until very recently, and before that family groups shared sleep space.

War and people dying are worrying. What are they teaching at school?

What are the basic things he's watching on TV that upset him? You might want to reduce the upsetting things he sees for a while.

A chat with the doctor wouldn't hurt (without your DS being present). Also talk to school and see if they have any concerns.

What do you say when he talks about you dying? There is advice online about how to deal with this.

You sound like you need tools to respond to worries as your own parents didn't give a helpful blueprint. Read up on 'how to help a child with worries'.

Thank you so much for all the great advice. I'll definitely educate myself to make sure I respond to it adequately.

To answer your questions @verycloakanddaggers .

They were teaching about the war/poppies etc in November. But they've also taught about the great fire of London and other things and I can see they all play on DS' mind.

He's never watched much TV at all and now I'm even more cautious about what he watches (pretty much only Bluey with his little brother). But this week at school they have watched a lot of movies (the grinch, Arthur christmas) and he has been very scared about them.

He started become very scared around Halloween from all the Halloween themed stuff he could see too.

With dying unfortunately he's been aware from a young age as all his grandparents have died, including two since he was born. But he's gone from casually asking "your mummy has died hasn't she!" To being a lot more concerned.

I forgot to add he loves writing, especially before bedtime so a diary Is a good shout.

You might find Helen Kennerley's book "Overcoming Anxiety" a useful read.

I have a 7 yr old DS who is exactly the same as your DS, it’s hard some days and knowing what to do for the best.

i can’t remember the last time he stayed in his own bed all night, he also goes through stages of not wanting to play upstairs alone.

We are speaking with school and they have put some measures in place to help with his anxiety but I’m not sure if it’s a little to late when it comes to his school. We’ve had some rough patches with him being hurt at school and them
not taking action (whole other story) so he’s now not a fan of going so some days we have tears going in and he complains of a sore tummy most days. All our local schools are full and he’s on the waiting list meanwhile his anxiety grows.

sorry not any help but just know you are not alone.

I would teach him to crochet or knit. It's very calming and satisfying. Similarly you can do mindful Coloring. He is old enough to start understanding his emotions and what helps him to clam down. Go with that!
One of my children is also very anxious (in an excited way) and I am trying to explain that it's ok to be excited but your body and your brain needs to be calm and relaxed to grow so we work on that a lot.
good luck!

I wouldn't jump straight to 'anxiety' but consider speaking to Winston's Wish or similar - no wonder he's a bit worried. His age is bang on for worrying about death too.

Yes from what I read it's the age where their imagination really takes a leap (which would explain being scared at night) and where they become aware of mortality so it makes sense.

In a way he has become better in that we had a lot of aggressive meltdowns at the beginning which were really horrible. Now when anxious/overwhelmed he will snap but he will then quickly apologise so the self regulation has improved.

Sorry your son is struggling too @idontwant2 especially his bad experience with school :( I've not spoken to school yet as they would probably wonder what I am on about as he isn't anxious there at all, all the anxiety behaviour is at home. Except the first 2 weeks of the school year where he had some meltdowns going in but we've not had an issue since. I'm hyper aware though that it probably wouldn't take much for this to change. Yesterday he said a boy told him he was ugly 😪. He was really stressed all evening about everything and we were walking on eggshells. He didn't want to left alone at all all evening.