Does parenting effect behaviours

[kiana2015]

Usually with kids, especially between the ages of 3-5 I've noticed there's different behaviours, you can get the old soul who are already like a little woman, knows everything, then you can get the baby ones who are still very babyish and then naughty children. I have always thought you can't actually do anything about this it's kind of just what you get kind of thing, do you believe this or do you believe parenting plays part?

I think it’s a bit of both, children do have their own personalities and parenting, who they spend time around and what that time is spent doing, plays a part too.

Nature and nurture both play a role and good parents adapt their parenting to the individual child. Children that age can be really challenging!

I worked in a reception class. The baby talking is soon knocked out of them.
A quick sorry I don’t understand baby talk …. parents could do this!

Same with silly behaviours. ‘We don’t do that here’

You also get the ‘put my shoes on …. Er no, you can do that yourself

Parent really underestimate what the kids are capable of and they have to muddle through when there’s 30 other kids around.

Everyone is different natured, not just small children, but bad parenting can definitely affect behaviour for better or for worse. To be fair some parents just aren’t equipped to deal with their children if they happen to be more challenging.

We are all a product of both nature and nurture. Of course parenting affects behaviours. I question anyone's judgment in having kids if they don't want to parent them.

That said, we aren't responsible for what kind of child they are - but how we strive to work with their nature. This isn't always intuitive - kids need boundaries, for example - it's a huge psychological burden to leave them to make their own when young.

@kiana2015 You surely don’t think parenting makes no difference?! Of course guidance, stability, demonstrating good habits, expecting good behaviour and teaching skills matters. Saying “no”and meaning it matters too.

Language and school ready skills are very important. I remember a “homework” for DD in YR was changing into sport clothes and getting dressed in a given time. She could do it easily as an August birthday. High expectations and less pfb nonsense helps. Jettison baby words and behaviour and teach dc the skills needed. Makes a huge difference to children.

No of course I do know parenting makes a difference; what I was trying to guess at I guess was parenting doesn't affect a child's personality, not the naughtiness of a child but their overall personality

Do you mean personality?

It's very clear that parenting can influence behaviour, but the things you're describing seem more like personality than behaviour.

Children will develop at slightly different rates too, so a child seeming babyish or acting "naughty" could be due to slower development of things like speech or impulse control.

I think birth order plays a role as well as parenting. It would be impossible to tell which personality traits are inherent and which develop through nurture as nurture is a shaping of nature. Like a river will flow downstream but exactly how it meanders is impacted by external forces. Parenting is massively important but I can't prove that my child did a kind thing because I taught her to because the impact isn't linear.

I think it's hard to separate one's innate personality from the programming that's gone into our brains. For example, my mother used to have hystrionic outbursts and until I was around 16, I did too (although not as bad as my mother). I thought it was the way to behave. Stepping into an adult world I realised it wasn't normal and since then I've been a very laid back person. Having said that my son who only had scant contact with his father until the age of 2, says and does things that mirror his father's personality - so obviously that's inherited unless he absorbed a great deal over a tiny period of time.

Well it can, it can make a child who would have been perfectly competent in social situations anxious, a child who would have been kind unkind etc etc, a child who otherwise would have been acting like a child be forced to grow up too soon and believe they are responsible for others emotions. I was the very sensible little girl according to my mum, I was so good and grown up that I would be ill in the middle of the night, clean myself up and then go back to bed, what a good child I was. No i was a scared child, night time was petrifying because of the fights and there was no way I would seek my parents out and get in the middle of that. I was a good girl as my mum told me when I was very little that she'd kill herself if it wasn't for me so I had to be good and not disappoint her.

I think parents can trim the edges of personality. Encouraging a reticent child. Being clear about boundaries for a naughty child. Saying “no”. Obviously you want a personality to shine through but not one that’s a PITA to everyone else. So curbing excess is a good parenting skill and can influence personality traits. Plus I hate children screaming. My DC didn’t do it but that’s very a very annoying trait and I would be encouraging language and screaming would be a swift reprimand. I don’t believe this is personality - just lack of parenting and deaf ears!