I have ADHD & autism, I was late diagnosed a few years ago after the birth of my now 4 year old son and becoming a single mum and my life just crumbled, admittedly I had absolutely no idea what ADHD really was until I was diagnosed but had suspected the autism since being a teen.
As my son has got older, I am absolutely convinced he has ADHD too (lots of the younger generation of my family are being diagnosed as adhd and autistic, and looking at it now my parents and grandparents also most likely are undiagnosed). I’m just really really struggling.
As a single mum I do all of the parenting and I’m so burnt out and overwhelmed. My sons behaviour can be extreme and he has meltdowns sometimes lasting hours where he screams and shouts, tells me he hates me, and will kick and hit me until I end up shouting at him to just stop because I’m so fed up with being hurt, and then I feel guilty for not being able to regulate myself. How can I teach him when I can’t do it either and I’m 30 😩
It doesn’t matter how many times I say no, you do not hit people, you can be angry but you do not hurt me, when he’s in the moment there’s literally nothing that seems to diffuse the situation except time, but after hours of screaming I am so flustered and stressed that I’m completely disregulated myself.
Hes a completely different child at school, and I see so many similarities between myself and him. I masked at school and then came home and was completely deregulated and overwhelmed and would have meltdowns.
I just don’t know where to start, I have taken him to the doctor for various things but not really got anywhere, and his dad doesn’t believe what he’s like with me and says I’m trying to force a label on him, which I’m not. I just want him to get the support I feel he needs. He doesn’t see his dad often and doesn’t act this way around him either, I know it’s probably because he feels safe with me but I wish people could see what it was like.
I know he is very young so it’s hard to comment on whether it is normal behaviour, but things I’ve noticed are:
He cannot sit still, he cannot sit and eat a meal at a table he will jump and run around relentlessly. He doesn’t play with one toy for long he plays with lots of toys all at once fleeting between them, he struggles to just sit still and will fidget and move around and daydream during school. At his nativity last week he was stood on stage spinning in circles and looking at the pictures on the wall, jumping up and down on the spot when everyone else was still.
He fights sleep like I don’t know what, he has never slept through the night. He has night terrors due to being over tired, not wanting to go to bed, wakes up wanting to get up and play multiple times a night, and wakes early every morning no matter how little sleep he has had.
Extremely limited diet, he is very fussy, lots of sensory issues around food, won’t eat anything ‘wet’ or that has sauce on. Food has to be made a certain way or he won’t eat it.
Sensory issues in general, doesn’t like to be too hot, I have to cut tags out of clothes, gets very upset by loud noise or bright light.
He struggles massively with a change in routine. He gets very anxious and this causes meltdowns and tears when something doesn’t go the way he expects it to or we do something new.
Where do I go from here? Is there anything the GP can do based on his age? I feel like going through the school won’t work as his extreme behaviours are much less at school. He does fidget and struggle to stay still and concentrate at school still, but from speaking to his teacher it seems to a lesser degree than at home and he’s still only in reception so it is still very play based learning.
At what age may the school intervene and point out if they notice any behaviours that look like they could be adhd?
All advice would be massively appreciated