Help needed!

[LostMum96]

Hi everyone!

I am after some advice.. and help.. for me with my 15 month old!

We are already on waiting lists for the only reason that she isn't talking yet - she has said "muma" once, but usually just goes mmmmmm and doesnt quite get there. Prior to that, she was a very cold child.. no eye contact etc but that has now changed in the last 6 months so progress!

I am struggling with how to play with her really, she is such a busy girl I can't get her to sit down and interact with me she just wants to walk around and do her own thing, if I sit on the floor with her she will occasionally come over and give me a cuddle (but it can be pretty brutal as she nestles into me and bites my shoulder and really squeezes me and I am unsure what this is or how to get her to stop biting?!) she really really squeezes me and rubs her head all over me..

Does anyone have any advice on what sort of activities I can do with her to form more of a bond? I know she doesn't hate me but sometimes it really feels that way especially when she would rather walk around than sit and play with me.

Any advice on how to get her to calm down and sit down and take in what I am saying as well? I was hoping if she could she would pay more attention to me and maybe start talking?

Health visitors just make you feel like you are doing so much wrong - even though she was way ahead with her standing and walking I just feel like a failure because she isn't talking.. she claps her hands and walks but she isn't talking, waving, pointing etc..

Thank you!

@LostMum96 I'm sorry that the HVs aren't being more supportive.

If they've done referrals do you know what services shes been referred to so far?

@TinyMouseTheatre So far a hearing test (absolutely nothing wrong with her hearing - she can hear a crisp packet being opened up a mile away!) then a Portage Service and a Community Nurse - the vibes I had been getting from the HV was they think she has autism as some of her behaviour isn't "normal"

A hearing test is pretty standard, even if you think she can hear well. If she gets referee for speech delay the SLT will want her to have had one to rule out things like Glue Ear.

Portage is also a good referral as they can give you an idea of activities to do with her

Do you have any idea what the referral to the Community Nurse is about or how long it's likely to take?

@TinyMouseTheatre Ahh that makes sense - yes I forgot to mention that .. she has been referred to SLT as well, but everything is about an 18 month wait list.

Oh phew .. I just feel like I am not doing enough with her but I struggle to know what I can do with her because she is so disinterested in me :')

Not sure what the community nurse is for .. I think it is like a HV possibly!

I would say don't try to force interaction with her - it sounds like you are imposing your idea of what play should look like on her, but it's different from her concept of play. A 15 month old has her own ideas of what she wants to do - another perspective on her behaviour might be to see how lovely it is seeing her becoming independent and her interest in things develop. I have a 15 month old (my third) and I really enjoy seeing her being so "busy" wandering around, doing random things. Very young children don't always want to play with someone else - some do, but some don't, or some do but not all the time. She might get cross with you trying to distract her from whatever task she has set her mind on.

Does she like books? Do you go on walks together? Both of those are good times to practice some words. But also remember that 15 months is still quite young for having many words. Again, some kids do at that age, some can barely say anything by the age of 2, so it's not necessarily significant that she is not talking yet.

It may be a SEN thing, and so I do think it is worth having her seen to see if there is a larger issue. But in the meantime, don't put pressure on yourself thinking you are doing something "wrong" - just go with her flow and enjoy this time with her. She will grow up before you know it. Big hugs. x

It's good that she has a referral to SLT too. Absolutely rubbish though that you have to wait so long.

Speech & Language UK are a well respected charity and they have some resources here. You can also book an appointment with one of their SLTs which is free although they are a charity so woukd probably appreciate a donation if you're able.

I would go back to the HV and ask what the Community Nurse referral is for and how long it can take. I'd also ask them if they suspect ASD and ask for a referral to a Paediatrician for Assessment if they do

The HV should also be able to tell you if there are any local groups for DC with speech delay too.

Again, some kids do at that age, some can barely say anything by the age of 2, so it's not necessarily significant that she is not talking yet.

The HV must think she needs support to have done the referrals already. In my experience you don't get referrals to SLT and Portage easily at 15 months.

@chickpea1982 very true! I guess the whole "social media" really messes with you - people only post the good not the bad and I see all these mums playing with their children etc and think oh why not me.. but you are right maybe I should just be enjoying watching her playing her own way :-)

She likes books for all of 2 seconds, she refuses to sit and look at them and then she just wants to put them in her mouth - everrrrything goes in her mouth at the moment :')

Thank you I appreciate it all xx

@TinyMouseTheatre Thank you! I will check that charity out for sure!

It is so hard not to compare to others - but then she is walking before most at her age, and they are talking before so swings in roundabouts, I wish I could feel less negative, I just need to enjoy her :)

The behaviours she said weren't normal is that she was a bit of repetitiveness .. she likes to go to the corner of the matt and play with it by lifting it on itself and then she likes to go to the stair gate and then the stairs.. and over and over! I have tried putting toys on the corner of the matt to prevent her lifting it and try encourage her to play, but she gets frustrated and I don't want to upset her if it is her little quirk

There's nothing wrong with repetition - that's normal at this age. They like to do things over and over again, especially when exploring something new. Open the gate, close the gate, open the gate, close the gate etc. etc. That said, repetition can be an ASD trait, so I suppose it depends on the degree. It's so easy to worry about these things, I know I did when I was a first time mum. But a lot of this evens out over time. Just remember that you're not doing anything wrong - let her play however she wants to (assuming it is not dangerous!).

My 15 month old currently enjoys taking things out of cupboards, putting on a medal, opening and closing things, reading books, listening to nursery rhymes and doing a few actions (like hands up for "up"). More than anything she really enjoys being chased around the house.

Have you tried interactive games like "round and round the garden", or "zoom zoom zoom, we're going to the moon", or "sleeping bunnies"? They are pretty fund for toddlers, so might get her engaged.

I agree, there could be additional needs, and OP may need additional support, but taken on it's own not talking at 15 months old is very normal. I'd be more worried about lack of comprehension - most 15 month olds can understand quite a few words and respond to simple commands, even if they can't say many words.

OP - have you talked to your doctor about this? I wonder if you could use "right to choose" to get a faster assessment. My eldest is currently waiting to be assessed for ASD/ADHD and it has taken well over 2 years through the normal channels (still no appointment in sight) and so we used the right to choose route through the doctors which should be much quicker. Your DD may be a bit too young yet, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to the doctor about it.